Let's talk about sex - Printable Version

Let's talk about sex - Printable Version

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RE: Let's talk about sex - GoneGirl - 06-04-2014

(06-04-2014, 04:04 PM)flamesabers Wrote:
(05-04-2014, 04:12 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: Nothing much to discuss on the board at the moment

Would this include my cold turkey thread? That's been generating a lot of replies in the last few days.

Sorry, Flame, I meant no insult, but man cannot live on cold turkey alone. Wink

Regarding sex attitudes...I have a friend my age that recently complained that he thinks about sex all through the day. Unfortunately, his wife, also, his age, has lost whatever sexual libido she had. He wondered if I was going through the same thing. I didn't want to get into a conversation about my sex life, so I avoided a direct answer, but I knew what he was going through.

It seems that once a woman has passed childbearing age, nature takes them out of the game, like spent goods, while leaving men as active players. A well-to-do man with or without good looks can usually find a young something to keep the party going.

Now, with me having a libido that's more like that of a woman's, I can understand her feelings, too. My new attitude has helped to improve my sexual relationship with DW. It's amazing to me how intimacy has grown now that it's not focused on "the act". It seems that people of any age need love, closeness, touching, and reassurance. Oh, and every now and then, a great orgasm! Tongue

Clara

RE: Let's talk about sex - AnnieBL - 09-04-2014

(05-04-2014, 04:12 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: How has your herbal or pharma HRT program changed your attitudes about sex?

Thoughts?

Clara

I find it quite difficult to answer this question, so please excuse this overlong screed, much of which repeats or rehashes things in earlier posts.

My attitude towards sex has been very much part of my dysphoria. However that dysphoria originally came about (and recent posts in Flame’s Cold Turkey thread are quite relevant), I think I ended up short changed in innate preprogramming both in respect of masculinity and femininity. My sex education during adolescence was sadly lacking (my mother deputed it to my school principal, and his effort was so obscure that I never realized what he was talking about until years later, leaving me in the meanwhile to learn from the Encyclopedia Britannica) . Surprisingly, I learned little from my peers, although when I was first sent to boarding school aged 7 I was placed in a dormitory mainly of boys recently returned from India. There was a lot of sometimes wildly inaccurate information exchanged about sex, including about hijra (the now official ‘third sex’in India), who I was then told cut off their penises by tying them off with a string. This seemed like a good idea to me at the time and I tried to put it into practice, but the school nurse noticed and made me stand on a chair in the middle of the dormitory in front of everybody while she cut the string off . Much later when I was 16 my mother acquired a copy ‘The Sexual Responsibility of Woman’ by Maxine Davis which was quite advanced for the time, and left it around, I suspect in the hope that I would read it, which I did. At the same time, puberty and testosterone were producing urges which could only be relieved by masturbation, which I never truly regarded as sex and which I always felt guilty about, not because I’d been taught that it was wrong, but because it was solitary, and I believed that sex involved two people who had a special, maybe magical relationship. At the same time my attitude towards girls, whom I’d always originally tended to see just as people, became difficult because I was almost totally lacking any male ability to make a sexual advance, and instead needed a girl to try to attract me, which conventionally doesn’t usually happen. When I forced myself to make an advance, it always went horribly wrong. The only people who seemed prepared to make sexual advances to me were male homosexuals who might treat me as fulfilling a female role, but had me running far away if they showed signs of wanting any form of continuing relationship. I also tried, over the next dozen or more years,various other not very effective ways of trying to make myself feel like a woman, amongst which a feeble attempt at cross dressing didn’t seem to do anything for me.

When I started work in a full time job, I found myself thrown together with the firm’s first and at that time only female professional (‘J’), in an environment in which she not only provided me with informal but invaluable training but we could relate naturally, and rapidly became good friends. Perhaps inevitably I fell in love with her but remained incapable of making any sexual advance, and I couldn’t then conceive that she might feel the same way about me. Eventually she got me out with her on the pretext of helping a friend of hers and her husband, who turned out to have with them a very personable co-worker ‘M’of the husband. M had lost his job, landed himself on them and was beginning to outstay his welcome. Since both I and J had come in our own transport, she was persuaded to give M a ride back to London, and then to put him up in the spare room of her apartment. I was congenitally incapable of coping with any kind of competition and in due course they became engaged and then married. Strangely perhaps the friendship survived even when they moved to a different part of the country. I visited frequently and even even loaned ‘M’ money to invest in a business (which he promptly lost to a con artist). For the better part of 14 years J tried very hard to make the marriage work, despite M’s feckless and sometimes abusive behaviour (when I tackled M on the latter they both turned on me). I eventually moved to Canada in an attempt to change the direction of my life. In due course I found myself active in a tenant’s association and found myself going out with another active participant, a striking but clearly somewhat troubled woman. How does someone like me make a sexual advance to someone who insists that every man is out to rape her? I kept telling myself without much effect that I was making a big mistake and settling for second best in trying to pursue the relationship. It really hurt but was something of a relief when she dumped me. And at that point Ihad a letter from J saying that her marriage was at an end and which of several courses did I advise. I resolved that this time I would not make any mistake, and the rest as they say is history. I made a proposition, the sexual advance wasn’t needed, and the result was a magical if at times scary adventure. J has always tended to say that she is a passive lover, which is untrue since she is highly reactive and my idea of sex is to do everything I can to promote and interact with that reaction, and my own satisfaction automatically came along with that. Dysphoria was more or less forgotten.

As time went by and stresses increased and heart failure became a factor, I found increasingly that my part was no longer automatic and was taking away from what I could give. Interest in porn increased and dysphoria returned. I started looking at various possibilities for physical feminisation short of transition. One was breast enlargement, and I actually acqiured most of the wherewithal necessary to attempt saline infusion but never actually tried it before coming across ‘Flat to Fab’ and getting into NBE that way. Six ineffective months later I ran into a surgical emergency which as a side issue drew attention to my BP being out of control, resulting in increasing doses of prescription drugs which while not very effective at controlling my BP were very effective anti-androgens, topped off with eighteen months of Spiro which, combined with a renewed attempt at NBE, produced significant breast development. In the meanwhile, yet another prescription drug at last controlled my BP. At that point I discovered this board , and having got off many of the prescription drugs, started on PM. My initial purchase of PM was from Biovea, and didn’t seem very effective, and after a couple of months I bought Ainterol capsules and increased the dosage, whereupon I suffered a severe gall bladder attack. Since sudden changes in estrogen levels are known to be a possible trigger of gallbladder attacks, I gave up NBE for some months while awaiting gallbladder surgery, and tried instead without any success to restore male function. Then I went back to PM and to my original approach to sex: I think that I am finally persuading J that I also get a surprising amount out of it. I’m sure that the subconcious mental effects of PM have done a lot to help me in this.

Nonetheless, I’m inclined to think that neither herbal nor pharma HRT have changed my basic view of sex as I see it, although I think that the pink elephant in the room does still represent a problem we have not fully resolved. Over the years we have fought verbally over many issues, but both of us have drawn back on such occasions from bringing into full play issues which we believe could threaten our relationship. I don’t think I have yet persuaded J that my gender issues do not constitute such a threat. If I could, I’m sure she would enjoy making clothes for Annie -as it is, the latest shirt she has made for me has buttons on the female side - I don’t know whether this was a Freudian slip or not. Huh

RE: Let's talk about sex - GoneGirl - 09-04-2014

A fascinating account of your struggle to realize your sexual and gender identity, Annie. I'm always impressed with the eloquence and thoroughness of your postings.

Since you are a bit older than I, I was somewhat surprised at your expectation that your sex education should come from a parent, or that a school principal would undertake that responsibility, however badly. My knowledge of sex was strictly picked up from school yard sharing of raunchy stories, nude photos, and reproductive 'facts' distorted beyond recognition. I recall when I first learned of the role the sex act plays in human reproduction (where do babies come from, Mommy?), I couldn't believe that it applied to my parents, as well. It was a time when one could not describe an expectant mother as being 'pregnant'. The code word was 'PG' or in a 'family way'. LOL! Even using the word 'sex' in a conversation was not proper amongst polite company. It's a wonder that any of us kids grew up with anything like a healthy attitude and reasonably accurate knowledge of human sexuality?

Those of us who took education seriously, and had access to, and bothered to read, books on sex authored by professionals of medicine and psychology, usually came away no less confused and/or misguided about our own sex lives. No one seemed capable of being objective about the matter. Although things have opened up quite a bit lately, I'm not sure people are any better able to deal with their sexual hangups or any perceived deviation from what's considered 'normal' or acceptable behavior.

My attitude toward sex over the past several months has changed a lot. I no longer believe that human sexuality is a moral issue. How one's sexuality manifests itself can, like other behaviors, be a constructive or a destructive force in one's life, but it should not be judged out of context. So, for example, the use of pornography and masturbation as a form of sexual gratification is not intrinsically immoral. But, it could become a destructive force in one's life if it becomes an impediment to establishing a more satisfying relationship with another person. In another context it might be the only available or acceptable means to relieve sexual tension. I used to think that openly gay people served as encouragement for youngsters to embrace homosexuality themselves. But, today I understand that no one can make you gay if you are not wired as such. From a human rights standpoint, there is no 'correct' sexual orientation, nor a 'correct' gender identity. The fact that this is becoming more and more widely accepted is evidence that attitudes about sex do change over time.

Clara Smile

RE: Let's talk about sex - Samantha Rogers - 09-04-2014

Nice stories, Annie and Clara! Too much for me to properly address on this cell. But I thought about my first "introduction" as it were, and thought to share...
My first orgasm was quite accidental, while climbing a swingset chain when I was about six...tee hee. But my first "encounter" was a poorly executed attempt with an older girl (she was 13...tee hee) on a beach in Australia when I was eleven. Yes, we started early around there in those days. :-)

RE: Let's talk about sex - undecided - 10-04-2014

(09-01-2014, 11:30 PM)ClaraKay Wrote: I can honestly say that one of the most unexpected, but welcome, side effects of my PM program is an almost complete turnaround in my sex life. As a crossdreamer (i.e., one who fantasizes about being the opposite sex), I never felt comfortable in the male sexual role from an early age. Even though I was sexually attracted to women, I didn't experience the normal male arousal at the idea of penetrating a woman. I could, and I did (I have three children), but there was always performance anxiety in the mix, and I often depended on fantasy to maintain a serviceable erection and achieve orgasm. I preferred my wife to be on top and often imagined that I was the one being penetrated. It caused me a lot of shame and worry afterward, and put our sex life pretty much on my wife's schedule, not mine. She sensed my unease and became more and more sexually inhibited, as well.

Some might conclude that I'm gay, but I'm sure that's not the case. I find the male physique unattractive, even ugly, to the point I don't even like my own body. I will admit that I have fantasized about feminine looking shemales, though. Does that make me gay?

CK

Oh wow ... Its like your reading my mind !!

I`ve been happily married for 25 years ( this year ) and have two teenage boys.

Although, instead of gay, I could easily call my self Bi-curious. Before my teens I could have gone either way. I often had to pull myself away, will myself not to take the boy in front of me and kiss him. In my mind, I knew that it was not expectable behavior. I didn't start taking an active interest in girls until @ 16 / 17 years of age, ( The only interest I had in girls was wanting to be one ) most of my friends had already had several girlfriends at this time. There was no sparks for my first few girl friends, I was just doing it because it was expected. I really don't have any interest in guys now, ( Bald, overweight older men do nothing for me. )

However, after saying that ... Although I have not started PM yet, ( I have taken other stuff for a few months, ) Last week we had a visit in our plant, and in walks this guy, well my face felt red and my nipples went hard as heck, I had to walk away. So .. I would defiantly call my self Bi-curious. ( Bald, overweight older men do nothing for me. !! )

I guess I should also add an extra foot note to this ..

I was in my 20`s before I lost my virginity. Sex with my wife over the last few years was hit and miss, First its started with not having sex for a few weeks, then a few months, before too long it was a year. As you can imagine this was hard on our relationship. Now, with the E supplements its got to be the other way around. I`m happy doing it 2, 3, 4 times a week. Defiantly a lot of oral play as well as penetration, occasionally i`m happy just with the oral.

RE: Let's talk about sex - Heather-H - 10-04-2014

Janet & Clara,I think the three of us have come from the same mould. I am not gay but there are certain effeminate males that I find very interesting. I too find ladyboy types sexually tempting given the right circumstances.

I have posted before that I found sex with my wife where she was the one on top a real 'turn on' and I too fantasised that she was the one penetrating me. I would almost be prepared to state this is very very commonplace scenario with CD's.

What I do find concerning now is my lack of interest with sex, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with PM or an age related issue. I cannot remember when my last erection was let alone how long it lasted for Huh

my penis now resembles a 'button mushroom ' opposed to an erect carrot Angry

I love this subject and the views of my fellow sisters.

Love to all
Heather

RE: Let's talk about sex - Samantha Rogers - 11-04-2014

I suspect the phenomenon described by sweet Heather is indeed common, and, to a degree, not just among males with some form of GID, but perhaps truthfully among many within the supposed heterosexual male population (oh, I can hear the vehement protestations to the contrary already...tee hee). I have long believed that sexual attraction at a base level was less a binary set of polar extremes, and more, if social conditioning and induced phobias could be removed, more a sort of sliding scale. I see no reason, at a base level, why there should be any difference between attraction to a bio female and attraction to a beautifully effeminate bio male. The attraction is on many levels, less to do with the actual physical equipment, and more to do with the overall physical attributes and presentation, combined with traits of personality.
As I have said many times, its all, really, in the eyes. Wink

RE: Let's talk about sex - Missed Miss - 11-04-2014

I'm not a fag, but I play one on t.v.. Oh! No, that's not right! Lol.
I'm not the LEAST bit gay, though I'd MUCH prefer to BE a girl than to be with one. Even if I was a girl, I'd most likely go after other girls. So far, I've only ever seen two guys over the past 20-some tears that I MIGHT find attractive if I was to swing that way.
I, too, got my cherry popped in my MID 20's. She was 18 and married and had a kid!! Like Annie, I've never had a clue how to get girls and if they want me, they pretty much HAVE to come after ME! Almost any time I've tried chasing them, I've lost out MISERABLY!! At best, they allow me to be a casual friend or their emotional tampon.
I've NEVER been able to understand why they'll go after total assholes instead of a nice, caring, loving guy like me, then they come to me when he hurts them. I tell them they should leave him, they eventually do, then either go BACK to him and get hurt AGAIN, or fall for ANOTHER asshole!!
So far, I guess I'll never have a REAL girlfriend!! I've had three girlfriends, but none were what I'd consider real. The first used me to make another guy jealous, the 2nd, the following year, was my best friend and my guitarist's girlfriend, but was on the verge of another nervous breakdown after he left her, but I had NO clue that's what was happening to her when she had sex with me. A week later she was so far gone she had to go to a psych hospital for 6 months!! My third, 8 years later looked like the real thing, but, after 4 years, she stopped sex completely, then, a few years later she started cheating on me!! I wasted 10 years of my life with THAT one!! I GUESS I should've dumped her after she sealed off her crotch to me, but we were so much in love, I was hoping she'd eventually loosen back up again! Yeah, she did, just not to ME!!

RE: Let's talk about sex - undecided - 11-04-2014

Quote:Sometimes, when there's peanut butter and a German Shepherd handy....no, I won't go there! ;-)

Damn girl .... Do you know how painful fennel tea is when snorted through your nose .... That last comment gave me tears ( and a visual , lol) ( BTW, the correct answer when your caught, is to say the dog made me do it !! )

Wow ... A lot of reading through this complete thread, its enlightening to read about other people that seem to have a gender issue thats been very similar to my own, brings tears to my eyes, i`m not so alone after all.

From going to praying to be a girl once I wake up, getting told by the S.O how come she is always the one who has to initiate sex.

I never did get into porn, it doesn't really turn my crank. Now erotic stories were I can place my self in the female role, those I can read all day. I can also read stories on sites like fictionmania, were once again I can place myself in the forced position.

Some interesting changes have developed the last few months since starting the NBE ( although i just got some low dose PM in today ) I not only find myself looking forward to sex, rather that get it done and over with as soon as possible ( hand on left tit, hand on right tit, pull nipples insert in / out / in /out in .. done ), I`m stroking, licking, massaging, ( as others have said, I thought to my self before I read this thread ) It feels like I would imagine girl on girl sex to be. Its not just about the penetration, its about taking both partners to the limit.

I have dropped hints about dressing up ( in the bedroom ), but she has made it quite clear that it does not interest her.

RE: Let's talk about sex - undecided - 11-04-2014

Quote:I guess I'm doing something wrong, all I get is a dead page ??
Not sure what you mean, Clara, by "dead willy." I have had ED for over twenty years, but during that time I have moved my erotic centre to my breasts and nipples and now have more orgasms than I did as a young man with raging hormones. Multiple nipple orgasms have long been the norm for me. They usually come in clusters of three or four.

I have a Yahoo group dedicated to nipple orgasm. Among its members are a number of men who began with no erotic feeling at all in their nipples who now achieve nipple orgasm regularly. I was gifted with this sensitivity, but others have gained it, rewiring through regular stimulation of the nipples. Things like Supple Nipps can help. In my group I have a folder (Wuerstchen's Nipp Tips) where I have archived messages of various techniques. If you are interested, here is the URL: http://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/nipple_orgasm/info

I guess I'm doing something wrong, all I get is a dead page ??