[PaulaJ]

Hi Paula
The thing is that I am happy with being a man. I am happy with being the man in the family, to do heavy manual labour when needed, and I enjoy the low level of personal care needed in dressing as a man in everyday life. Transitioning is really something I don't want.
I too believe that taking herbs, not just PM, has some sort of psychological placebo effect. Something like "I am doing something towards my true me or my fetish", but this has very little to do with wanting to transition. I can compare it to when I moved out of my parents' home and, free to CD as much as I wanted, I bought 50 pairs of heels, one every 3 days, just because I could. It felt like liberation and I couldn't stop myself at first.
I can rationalise as much as I want but I am still asking myself if it'll ever end.

I went those 20 years or so thinking I didn't want to transition also, but still thinking about it quite a lot. I don't think there's really a way to get these types of thoughts out of one's head. It seems at times like the whole world says it's wrong, but the idea of me being a girl just feels so right.

That doesn't mean you have to transition socially. I plan on it eventually, though I am going very slowly. Although people might notice the changes to your chest, if you continue to dress like a guy, and don't do facial and body hair removal, people are just going to read you as a guy. People still read me as a guy even though I have started hair removal, and wear mostly women's clothes and makeup.