[AbiDrew85]

I was reading a TG webcomic and something mentioned in the comments field really struck me, so I just HAVE to share:

Talking about an experiment that was done, hypnotising a bunch of transsexuals into thinking and acting as though there were "normal":

"or they fell into a terrible depression that they couldn’t describe; as though they were still deeply troubled by something, but couldn’t place why"

This! This describes my entire life from the time I was MAYBE 8 at the oldest until just a coupla years ago. I can't verify it to have started any younger than 8 because I honestly have no real memory even now of my most formative years. I just know that my earliest memories (where I also remember what age I was) are around 8 and even then, I was deeply troubled by something but couldn't place why. It'd get worse and ease off in an almost cyclic pattern, but it was still ever persistent. I actually even managed to convince myself I WASN'T being depressive during the eased off periods... But... Looking back now after finally freeing myself... All I really knew then was anger and depression, just at varied levels. I even know true despair. And trust me, it ain't pretty.

Thing is, I did it entirely by myself, to myself, and broke free from it entirely by myself, from myself. Sounds kinda confusing, I know, but it's exactly the way it went. Self-hypnotism IS real. All hypnotism does is program the conscious mind to perform certain responses to certain stimuli while preventing the subconscious mind from interfering. That subconscious block is the source of the "deeply troubled" feeling and also why you can't place why. WHY is in the subconscious, and is being blocked.

Some people take to hypnotism better than others, and for those, it'll last until it's broken. For some it'll naturally deteriorate on it's own without consistent reiteration. The ones where it naturally deteriorates are the ones that start showing signs of tg again in that article.

And when a part of the subconscious actually takes an active part in the constructing and maintaining of the program residing in the conscious and in blocking another part of the subconscious... Which is what happened in my case...

Someone recently tried telling me I had no idea how powerful my mind is (someone who self-identifies as being "in-between" and insists there's no such thing as full transsexuals, only men, women, and "in-betweens"... But I know EXACTLY how powerful my mind is. I also know without a single doubt in my mind, heart, or soul, that I am a woman. Heart, mind, and soul. My stupid body can say whatever my stupid body wants to say, and my conscious mind can be tricked into saying things that aren't quite true as well, but the fact is, deep inside me, at the very core of my being, resides a woman. End of story.

A few years ago I dropped out of college when I came face to face with true despair and still, even then, had no idea why. A couple years ago I went on a deep soul search within myself with the aid of a very mild opiate herb. I had no idea then that I was in fact a woman... But at the end of the search when I finally found myself, my true self... Wow. What a revelation it was. And it changed everything.

I'm now transitioning... Very early in the process, but when I came to from that long nightmare there was no doubt in my mind that I had no other choice. Period. End of Story.

Anyone still failing to understand... Let's face it. You'll NEVER understand. I'm not asking nor have I EVER asked anyone to "understand". All I ask is that you accept. Accept that I am not and never truly was whoever you may have thought I was. It was a lie. A very carefully constructed and maintained lie.

And if anyone thinks there's no freaking way someone so young could possibly have created such a construct within their own minds... You're an idiot. It may not happen often, but it's definitely real, definitely possible, and I'm LIVING PROOF of the concept.