[BEV-cup]

Hi PattiJT.... A most excellent post!!
Well, I am a 48yo female, & my husband let me know about his 'dressing' about 3 months into our marriage I was miffed a bit only by the fact he didnt want to tell me upfront as he was going to suppress it for the rest of his life bcos of 'past bad experiences' Now he is very comfortable with it. We have 2 young children at home & they are used to him getting about in nail polish. He is very 'male' looking, so it is quite funny for our girls age 6 & 8. They even 'dressed' him up one day to his delight...lol. I would love to chat with more wives who's hubby's dress & wear makeup etc.

My hubby wanting breasts was a little 'jolt' to the system....but it seemed to make him so happy that I couldnt say no. He's a wonderful man.....& this is alot to take-in within 4 months of marriage....(dressing & then wanting boobies). I havent really had time to experience him in 'male mode' alot. If more wives or SO's can post their stories here & what/why their hubby's reasons for dressing & wanting boobies would help me out so much.

Us wives do go thru a period of questioning our own feminine roles with in the relationship once the hubby has disclosed. I can also say that it bothers me a little that he mostly wants to (go to bed) fully made up & dressed. I get a little confused as to what he is achieving by this? Sex is one area that I would like our roles to remain in the 'original-state' ie: he boy, me girl. Its alot to get ones head around as his masculinity (to a certain degree,) assists me in defining my own femininity...if you catch my drift??? So PLEEEEEZ other partners & wives, let me know how you all cope(d) & dealt with the cross dressing & growing boobies. Thanks for ur help

OK, in response to a question from Misty 0732, I'm opening a discussion, the subject of which will be How, and why, our SOs either accept or don't accept our "behavior". This should be reasonably non-technical, and not require any medical analysis, (hopefully, as I don't need any deep-thought headaches). To whomever may read or contribute, there is a sort of disclaimer, that being "what works for one or some, may not necessarily produce the same results for others. We all know there is no "one size fits all".

I was asked how my wife accepted me for what I am and do. My first wife, incidentally, did not, and would not. Not the reason we divorced after 3 kids, though. That was a result of infidelity, hers, not mine. Enough said.

My wonderful present wife, however, was an entirely different story. I met her my third trip to Korea. Not wanting a repeat of the first round, when we became close, I showed her a couple photos of Patti. (Had lots less wrinkles then, and actually looked quite good). She never hesitated, asking me lots of questions, but showing no negativity, only curiousity. She naturally asked me if I was interested in men, and I responded "no". (True at the time, but it's only been a fleeting thought a couple times since). I would offer that a combination of things were at work. 1. She's Asian, with an accompanying different outlook on life. 2. All the Korean guys she'd ever been out with were, in her words, assholes. So, in effect, we had something in common. She'd given up on Korean mens' attitude of being the "absolute god" in a relationship, and I had long since given up on selfish, self-centered Euro women. 3. Her religion played a part. She's Bhuddist. That did away with all the hyprocrisy and greed, and status hunting. While not Bhuddist myself, we share a vast majority of the same principles, attitudes, and lifeview. So many times when one of us says "I love you", the other will say, "you'd better, because you're stuck with me". That would be my definition of soulmate, being joined almost through destiny. 4. We also share a common background, as she was born dirt-poor in post-war Korea, and I not much better, being raised by, (God bless them), poor, but very caring parents on a small farm. My wife, Ogie, has often told me she believes that in my prior life I was female. Hmmm.

Ours is as close as a "meant-to-be" pairing could get. I truly wish all others could find that. Not only would the two of you get along very well, there'd probably be lots less crap in the world.

If this thread goes no further, I urge everyone to be honest and above-board with the other person in your relationship. There is really no halfway if you go on this journey. If you don't say anything, it will surface in due time, and be much harder to deal with. If you do tell them, be inclusive in telling them all it is you desire. There would be far fewer tragic things than what could happen if you say you just want "little boobies", and push on to C cups that are going to be an embarrassment for the other party. If they show understanding, get the whole story out. If you can't do that, then maybe you, and not the other person, has the problem.

It's not the main subject, I know, But you must also consider what your real, and practical goals are here. If you want nubbies, they come and go. Anything more will be around a long long time. Do you really want to be a 65-70 year-old with saggy D size boobs, and saggy butt? Can you picture that? More importantly can your partner?

I left family out of this discussion because I have no intention of telling them. No need, as I'm not transsexual.Those who are, that's a bridge I can't help with. I'm actually probably not much help for most of you, anyway. My situation is quite possibly unique among us here. However, we must think this thru, and be prepared to offer honesty to our partners. It's a long and hard enough life the way it is. A marriage or other relationship without honesty, is no real relationship at all. The worst could happen, if you tell only half the story, you could later lose the relationship, and a lot of your money, and be embarrassed socially. And for what reason? You couldn't be up-front when you had the chance?? I don't mean to sound harsh, but the facts have a bad habit of showing up sooner or later. Better now , than then.

I wish all of you the very best of luck!! Patti

[Jessica Leigh]

This is great conversation. I told my wife about these 'fleeting' desires to dress and even becoming a woman about 8 years ago. I have bought clothes, wigs, make up and shoes, and purged them all. Since then we have had a girl, almost 6 and we have a boy on the way.

For the most part I have been able to suppress my desires and we have had a happy marriage. Until this last week.

Throughout my life these feelings overwhelm me during times of high stress. Well my job changed in October (taking a pay cut in the process), we sold our condo and a tight housing market has us living in a very expensive apartment - although it is very nice. And of course the baby on the way.

So I told her and she cried and cried. Especially when thinking about the children. She stated she will leave me if I want to be a woman. I could of course still see the kids but my role would be restricted. Seperated definitely. Divorced most likely.
She woke up crying today.

My occupation is as a personal fitness trainer so 'fitted' clothing is part of my uniform. I'm 5'10" and 155 lb and under 10% body fat (not bragging just stating facts). I would love to grow breast but don't believe it would help me in my business. Most guys are looking to lose their moobs. Luckily shaving my body hair is acceptable in my business.

I am currently taking SP to lower my Testosterone levels. I was thinking of taking PM since some folks have said it lessons the desire to transition (others had just the opposites effect). But my concern is just how effective is the feminization process. Because easing the mind and sparing the body would be ideal now. I love my family, I love my job. And I just don't see a way forward.

And I am going to start seeing a therapist this week as well.

Jessica

[flamesabers]

I am currently taking SP to lower my Testosterone levels. I was thinking of taking PM since some folks have said it lessons the desire to transition (others had just the opposites effect). But my concern is just how effective is the feminization process. Because easing the mind and sparing the body would be ideal now. I love my family, I love my job. And I just don't see a way forward.

As others have stated, I think taking pm may be the way to move forward in your situation. While taking pm may resolve your desire to transition, I would say don't dismiss the physical feminization pm may have on your body, especially since you're a fitness trainer. I've been on pm for about ten months and at this point, I would say my growth is noticeable. When I'm wearing a t-shirt it's undeniable that my breasts project out further than my abdomen. I also has had some fat redistribution to my hips and bum. I don't wear fitted clothing either. I imagine if I was and I would be exercising in front of others, these changes would be all the more obvious. The last two times I've made adjustments to my pm dosage, it was because I was concerned about losing my brain rewiring rather than the physical feminization.

While this may be a preferable alternative for your wife than transitioning, I think it's still important to talk to her about the likely changes pm may bring about.

How does your wife feel about your crossdressing? While my desire to dress for arousal has become practically nonexistent, I still wear female clothing although for very different motives. It feels like a normal thing for me to do, as oppose to being an activity I would only do privately and would never dare to tell anyone else about it. How do you think your wife would feel if you stop purging and show more of an interest in wearing female clothing all the time instead of male clothing? Would she object if you wanted to wear nighties or other feminine nightwear to bed?

I hope talking to a therapist makes it easier for you to figure out what would be your best course of action at this point.

[Jessica Leigh]

Cross dressing is 'non-starter'. At least for now. She puts up with the hairlessness, thong underwear (mens), even clear toe nail polish. But female clothing, nope.

She wants a man around the house. Especially with my kid(s) so young.

Do you think I could get the wiring effect without the physical if the dosage was low enough? Maybe less then 1000 mg/day? Also, I'm planning on changing careers in the next year. So how quickly did your physical changes occur before they became noticable?

This is a very difficult time for my family right now.

Thanks

[Misty0732]

I am currently taking SP to lower my Testosterone levels. I was thinking of taking PM since some folks have said it lessons the desire to transition (others had just the opposites effect). But my concern is just how effective is the feminization process. Because easing the mind and sparing the body would be ideal now. I love my family, I love my job. And I just don't see a way forward.

Jessica,

I honestly think you could find the answer after a month or so on PM. Should you have the reaction that I had (as well as some others on this board) you would be able to come to peace being male. If not, and the desire intensifies, at least you'll know that transition is probably the best solution and the sooner you make that decision the better.

Should you find that your desires do lessen, I wouldn't be too concerned about the effects on your body. You can still be quite fit and maintain most of your muscle through weight training and proper diet. You may not "be ripped" but that's unrealistic for most men, anyway. As far as boobs, do some research on garments for gynecomastia. You'll find that there is a lot available that will help you conceal breast growth, including athletic clothing suitable for the gym. It's actually a common problem for body builders who like to "cheat" with steroids. And, in the event your breasts do get too big and adversely affect your business, there is the option to surgically remove the excess tissue.

I guess what I'm really trying to do here is give you hope. This PM stuff is really quite amazing, I never would have thought it possible that I could be at peace with myself, especially so quickly. You may need to experiment with the dosages but at least you will be able to find out what's best for you.

Have you shared the possibility of trying PM with your wife? My wife, who was also horrified at my gender dysphoria, is very supportive and is elated at how the PM affects me.

Best wishes and good luck to you!

Misty

PS -- Ainetrol PM is readily available on Amazon and ships to any US address within a few days.

[flamesabers]

She wants a man around the house. Especially with my kid(s) so young.

With this in mind I seriously doubt she would be okay with you taking pm. It's possible I suppose for a male who identifies fully as a man to take pm solely for the purpose of growing breasts. He may get more than he wanted, but he wouldn't be taking pm because of any gender identity issues. For those who don't identify with this group, I don't see how one could take pm and be the man of the house without being less than honest with his significant other and family.

Maybe your wife might be willing to compromise on this after she sees the beneficial changes pm has on you. Or maybe it might be the last straw for her.

Do you think I could get the wiring effect without the physical if the dosage was low enough? Maybe less then 1000 mg/day? Also, I'm planning on changing careers in the next year. So how quickly did your physical changes occur before they became noticable?

I think my changes became noticeable (at least to me) after being on pm for five months. Here are two threads I started in regards to this:

http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=12638

http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=12684

I haven't tried taking a low dose for the goal of getting the rewiring effect and avoiding the physical feminization. If anything, I've had to increased my dosage to continue the rewiring effect. If I was just going for the physical feminization, I could probably have stayed with a lower dose. Something else to consider is not all males who take pm experience brain rewiring.

[BEV-cup]

This is great conversation. I told my wife about these 'fleeting' desires to dress and even becoming a woman about 8 years ago. I have bought clothes, wigs, make up and shoes, and purged them all. Since then we have had a girl, almost 6 and we have a boy on the way.

For the most part I have been able to suppress my desires and we have had a happy marriage. Until this last week.

Throughout my life these feelings overwhelm me during times of high stress. Well my job changed in October (taking a pay cut in the process), we sold our condo and a tight housing market has us living in a very expensive apartment - although it is very nice. And of course the baby on the way.

So I told her and she cried and cried. Especially when thinking about the children. She stated she will leave me if I want to be a woman. I could of course still see the kids but my role would be restricted. Seperated definitely. Divorced most likely.
She woke up crying today.

My occupation is as a personal fitness trainer so 'fitted' clothing is part of my uniform. I'm 5'10" and 155 lb and under 10% body fat (not bragging just stating facts). I would love to grow breast but don't believe it would help me in my business. Most guys are looking to lose their moobs. Luckily shaving my body hair is acceptable in my business.

I am currently taking SP to lower my Testosterone levels. I was thinking of taking PM since some folks have said it lessons the desire to transition (others had just the opposites effect). But my concern is just how effective is the feminization process. Because easing the mind and sparing the body would be ideal now. I love my family, I love my job. And I just don't see a way forward.

And I am going to start seeing a therapist this week as well.

Jessica

Hi Golus1,
Wow, thanks so much for ur feedback!!! Would your wife be willing to chat with me on this forum?? I understand her feelings. Its not really a man-about-the-house thingy....but more of a gender-specific ROLE that we have been taught to identify with. It gives us a sense of direction & purpose within a relationship. Men are the protector/providers, Women are the nurturers & support systems within a family (brief description here.) The children also being dependent, receive their gender-role cues from parents. Having the "strong man" taking care of the family gets fuzzy & non defined once a husbands desires are disclosed. First worry is probably, "does my husband like men?" Second thought is probably, "arent I enough of a woman for him?" Then there are the other things that one really does have to consider when in a relationship & coming out.....FAMILY!!!

I thought my hubby was just going to gad about in heels & skirts. I was a little shocked when he wanted make up, wigs, bra & breastforms!!! I was unaware that crossdressing meant LOOKING like a woman & "passing" as one. Yes, observing your husband, your masculine partner as a female can be an uncomfortable experience first off. What made it easier for me, was, that I had to know hubby's motivation behind this activity. I knew it made him feel good. I knew it was a great de-stressor for him. I knew it made him happy. We could have a giggle over a few things too. I have been out with him about 3x now, to a park at night for about half an hour each time. I can see how excited he is when he wants to go out with me dressed as a woman fully made up....wig & all. He is 6' 2", I am 5' 11" so when I have my heels on, I am as tall as him, so it kinda doesnt look so....um....'odd' ?? The thing is, that I love my husband very much. This activity doesnt hurt anyone. If you want to keep it just between you & your wife, then so be it, no one has to know.

When our girls arent home, my hubby gets dressed. He loves the womens underwear & I like it on him too. But these are early days for me & it does take getting used to. I say that it is 'part of the family' now & I mean it. I dont know if anyone else in our family should know? My hubby's parents know, but not to the full extent. It is a harmless activity that has prejudice written all over it. I have dicussed with my hubby that I dont want him to transition....(he doesnt have the desire.) There are a few websites out there about cross dressing that have helped me see what its all about. It is up to the specific couple to talk about their personal boundaries on the subject ie: putting a limit on dressing frequency, applying some ground rules (some wives limit colours in clothes or styles? ) so that the wife feels more comfortable. You are a 'couple' in a relationship of sharing, caring & give & take. With an unbiased mind, this subject can be spoken of freely within the home. If she cant bring herself to talk about it....maybe texting, or using a chat site (eg: msn) to talk to each other, that way it can mask body language & give u more time to think about what each other has to say so to avoid any unpleasant or misunderstood reactions???? If this is something thats not going to go away, then it needs to be addressed. Its more than a 'hobby'. I think they call it gender dysphoria here? Heterosexual males needing to feminize themselves. My hubby said he had always wanted breasts....I feel privelidged that he can feel comfortable enough with me to discuss this topic. I feel humbled that he feels so at ease with me that he can be dressed anytime he wants. (When kids are in bed or away )

It takes a little getting used to kissing ur hubby with lips full of lipstick, or bumping into the bra during an embrace or hearing the clacking of heels upstairs when your the only woman in the house!!! But it always makes me smile when he comes out in a creation that actually doesnt look too bad. We share all our clothes which has helped me feel more open & accepting toward him (for want of a better word)
Emotions run high at these times. Im sorry your wife is crying over it. She is a raging hormonal wreck at the moment, being pregnant, so dont forget to factor that into the equation. This is a happy occasion for you both (birth of baby) just make sure you both tell each other you LOVE each other every day, she will need alot of re-assuring, as she will be fearful of the unknown. Education casts out fear.....the unknown breeds it. Encourage ur wife to get online & read about it.

I dont know about the transitioning part..... I can only speak for myself. But I would hazard a guess that ur wife would think straight away that she would be seen as a 'lesbian'?? possibly? Maybe it would be a good idea for both of you to see a therapist re transitioning? Do include your wife in what you want to do, otherwise she may get more alienated from the whole idea? .... Im only guessing here. I have no idea what she actually thinks, but she does sound a tad distressed over it all.
Hope it all works out.
Any more wives out there willing to share experiences please???

[aleah]

BEV-cup, thanks so much for sharing that. It's wonderful to hear that wives can understand and accept that crossdressing is a natural expression of someones gender identity.

A lot of crossdressers/transvestites don't have a desire to transition, or for whatever reason just don't think it's for them even if they have the desire and choose to live part-time. This is because they might be in the middle of the gender spectrum, genderfluid/genderqueer (identifying with both genders) and happy to express the other gender part-time.

Or just don't find their gender dysphoria severe enough or don't have a strong enough desire to transition.

But I am really happy for you and your husband! I'm sure it will only make you two closer by being open and honest

[BEV-cup]

BEV-cup, thanks so much for sharing that. It's wonderful to hear that wives can understand and accept that crossdressing is a natural expression of someones gender identity.

A lot of crossdressers/transvestites don't have a desire to transition, or for whatever reason just don't think it's for them even if they have the desire and choose to live part-time. This is because they might be in the middle of the gender spectrum, genderfluid/genderqueer (identifying with both genders) and happy to express the other gender part-time.

Or just don't find their gender dysphoria severe enough or don't have a strong enough desire to transition.

But I am really happy for you and your husband! I'm sure it will only make you two closer by being open and honest

Your very welcome Aleah..... I will love hubby & I getting closer...who could ask for more