10-12-2013, 05:56 AM
I apologize, Flame. This was a serious thread. I won't go any further. Maybe someone needs to start a "random porn" thread for stuff like this.
10-12-2013, 06:17 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-12-2013, 06:51 AM by SarahSchilling.)
Yeah, sorry it got a little wild in here, flame.
Although I think the sexual mental imagery I identified with was relevant to gender identity. Explicitly so.
Don't blame me for the porn though, I've found it gross since the first couple of months on PM around 2 years ago.
Actually, to be more precise, I always found it to be a disgusting habit, but one that satisfied a need thats existence equally disgusted me.
Is this back ontopic yet? lol
As a sort of apology, I'll answer your question from the OP.
I'm TG... yeah a real shock, right? It makes me refrain from being social altogether, because I have little in common with most men, and most women treat me like a guy(like if I ask a chick if they want to come over, she thinks i'm hitting on her, yeah right lmao). Its hard to get along with people you suspect would hate who you really are lol. I can't trust anyone, because I feel that i'm lying to all but the very few close friends I have.
On the other hand, it drives me to dream of living something that resembles an actual life eventually. I actually can envision a future thats more than just tolerable, which is something new. We'll see how it goes lol
See? Wasn't the topic more fun before? I envy you androgynous types in some ways. Much less dramatic ;p
Although I think the sexual mental imagery I identified with was relevant to gender identity. Explicitly so.
Don't blame me for the porn though, I've found it gross since the first couple of months on PM around 2 years ago.
Actually, to be more precise, I always found it to be a disgusting habit, but one that satisfied a need thats existence equally disgusted me.
Is this back ontopic yet? lol
(06-12-2013, 05:42 AM)flamesabers Wrote: How do you perceive your own gender identity and how does it drive or refrain you from pursuing certain choices or actions?
As a sort of apology, I'll answer your question from the OP.
I'm TG... yeah a real shock, right? It makes me refrain from being social altogether, because I have little in common with most men, and most women treat me like a guy(like if I ask a chick if they want to come over, she thinks i'm hitting on her, yeah right lmao). Its hard to get along with people you suspect would hate who you really are lol. I can't trust anyone, because I feel that i'm lying to all but the very few close friends I have.
On the other hand, it drives me to dream of living something that resembles an actual life eventually. I actually can envision a future thats more than just tolerable, which is something new. We'll see how it goes lol
See? Wasn't the topic more fun before? I envy you androgynous types in some ways. Much less dramatic ;p
12-12-2013, 01:23 AM
(10-12-2013, 05:56 AM)PattiJT Wrote: I apologize, Flame. This was a serious thread. I won't go any further. Maybe someone needs to start a "random porn" thread for stuff like this.
I'm not sure if starting a "random porn" thread would help. I think the "random thoughts" thread I started would have sufficed, but evidently not. The bigger issue I think is the temptation to derail a thread rather than a lack of "randomness" threads. I certainly get why members like to engage in banter. I know I've joked and shared witty comments with various members, but I firmly believe there's a time and place for seriousness.
I find it disheartening how at least half of the thread has no real relation to the OP.
The tragic irony is one of my ulterior motives with starting this thread was the hope of reinvigorating the deep and thought provoking conversations I truly enjoy. More often than not, I enjoy reading and writing the posts that takes 30 minutes or more to write versus the ones that are composed in 30 seconds or less. Maybe this forum would benefit from having a chat room, I don't know. I have long since considered this forum to be my virtual home for matters considering NBE and gender. Now I'm having doubts. I'll probably still stay on, but I do have a better understanding of why some of the long-standing members may choose to disappear or barely participate in the discussions. Not being able to have deep and serious conversations about ourselves I think significantly disintegrates the value of this forum.
12-12-2013, 01:35 AM
Flame,
While my comments were largely of a serious and contemplative nature, I do apologize for a couple that weren't. Got caught up in responding to some that weren't pertinent. I try not to do that, as I dislike it when it happens to me, too.
Don't know if we need a chatroom, when we have the opportunity to use personal messages. If a one liner isn't worth the time to send a PM, then it's probably not worth putting in an established thread. Many of these type posts are directed at one individual anyway, so just send them a PM. A little courtesy is a nice thing.
Just my thoughts. Patti
While my comments were largely of a serious and contemplative nature, I do apologize for a couple that weren't. Got caught up in responding to some that weren't pertinent. I try not to do that, as I dislike it when it happens to me, too.
Don't know if we need a chatroom, when we have the opportunity to use personal messages. If a one liner isn't worth the time to send a PM, then it's probably not worth putting in an established thread. Many of these type posts are directed at one individual anyway, so just send them a PM. A little courtesy is a nice thing.
Just my thoughts. Patti
12-12-2013, 01:45 AM
(12-12-2013, 01:23 AM)flamesabers Wrote:(10-12-2013, 05:56 AM)PattiJT Wrote: I apologize, Flame. This was a serious thread. I won't go any further. Maybe someone needs to start a "random porn" thread for stuff like this.
I'm not sure if starting a "random porn" thread would help. I think the "random thoughts" thread I started would have sufficed, but evidently not. The bigger issue I think is the temptation to derail a thread rather than a lack of "randomness" threads. I certainly get why members like to engage in banter. I know I've joked and shared witty comments with various members, but I firmly believe there's a time and place for seriousness.
I find it disheartening how at least half of the thread has no real relation to the OP.
I have long since considered this forum to be my virtual home for matters considering NBE and gender. Now I'm having doubts. I'll probably still stay on, but I do have a better understanding of why some of the long-standing members may choose to disappear or barely participate in the discussions. Not being able to have deep and serious conversations about ourselves I think significantly disintegrates the value of this forum.
Me prsonally believe that we lighten up we open ourselves bit more to our deeper unspoken thoughts and prepared to share without being looked down or scowled at . One does not have to write long explainations. For them to be serious comment . I have read others posting and have admitted to having similar thoughts / feelings in a shorter post . It is no critisium of people writing detailed explation of thoughts / feelings . We all here in the same boat with varying personalities and is embracing all variation and becoming an inclusive community is where our strenght lies.
Let's be Happy campers
12-12-2013, 02:31 AM
Steering a thread should be more of the OP's duty wouldn't you say?, we do have the option of the ignore list available if needed, or use the pm system.
We are all guilty of letting are comments go out of bounds, no need to elaborate on that!.
This is the guys section, so I doubt the conversation will stay clean for some, shouldn't we expect that from us?
I've been on the receiving end of the threads hijacked, and have stepped out of bounds myself on others, for that I do apologize!
But we do talk a lot more gender than NBE, IMO I'd like to talk more about the latter.
As far as other members leaving, well that's sad too see and the observations will be missed, it's there choice sad to say!
How about parameters be set by the OP, then self police from there?
By now we know most who you can joke with and can't with, perhaps a heads up for those who are new!
My hopes are we don't become prudes either!
L.
We are all guilty of letting are comments go out of bounds, no need to elaborate on that!.
This is the guys section, so I doubt the conversation will stay clean for some, shouldn't we expect that from us?
I've been on the receiving end of the threads hijacked, and have stepped out of bounds myself on others, for that I do apologize!
But we do talk a lot more gender than NBE, IMO I'd like to talk more about the latter.
As far as other members leaving, well that's sad too see and the observations will be missed, it's there choice sad to say!
How about parameters be set by the OP, then self police from there?
By now we know most who you can joke with and can't with, perhaps a heads up for those who are new!
My hopes are we don't become prudes either!
L.
12-12-2013, 03:08 AM
I've been intending to post in this thread, but things have been a bit fraught at home for various off-topic reasons.
I am presently most inclined to attribute my gender issues to the fact that my mother contracted rubella during the specific phase of my fetal development in which the brain of a male is supposed to be masculinized, and that this process was thus incomplete. That said, I tend to relate fairly fully to what has been said by PattiJT, Sfem and PansyMae, all of whose contributions I much respect, except that I have never in the past had a strong cross-dressing urge. My only experiments in that direction merely convinced me that with my size, build and voice I could never achieve even superficial femininity. Perversely, to the extent that I have now experienced some limited femininization of my body, I begin to wonder whether it might do something to help my aim at least to feel like a woman; physically that is, not superficial femininity.
Having totally and apparently irrevocably lost my male function, I fully agree with the importance of cuddling and other non-sexual intimacies, although since our lovemaking has always had important elements not dependent on male function we both still feel the occasional need for something more overtly sexual.
While I have never thought of myself as any thing but male, and certainly would not have considered myself an androgyne, I tend to wonder whether I might have felt differently if I had believed I could look as gorgeous as Sarah or Abi Drew, and if it were possible to achieve a full transition with reproductive capability and I was 50 years younger and without an overwhelmingly important relationship with my wife. I envy them their certainty as to what they are, even if they have a horrendously difficult road to follow.
With a brain giving me a disposition to look to receive sexual advances rather than initiate them, and finding that gay men were more likely to hook up with you than straight women, and that such men often wanted you to play a some what female role, I did things for which I suffered a lot of guilt one way or another. Trying to avoid TMI, I always ran fast from any man who showed any sign of showing an emotional attachment. Eventually I convinced myself that I must get out of that dangerous world (as providence would have it before the start of the AIDS epidemic). Thereafter, someone who had become and remained a very good female friend of mine, who was female and also my first love, and who had engineered me into a date once before but ended up marrying someone who didn't suffer my inhibitions, gave me a second chance which that time I didn't fumble. We've now been married for more than a third of a century.
I am presently most inclined to attribute my gender issues to the fact that my mother contracted rubella during the specific phase of my fetal development in which the brain of a male is supposed to be masculinized, and that this process was thus incomplete. That said, I tend to relate fairly fully to what has been said by PattiJT, Sfem and PansyMae, all of whose contributions I much respect, except that I have never in the past had a strong cross-dressing urge. My only experiments in that direction merely convinced me that with my size, build and voice I could never achieve even superficial femininity. Perversely, to the extent that I have now experienced some limited femininization of my body, I begin to wonder whether it might do something to help my aim at least to feel like a woman; physically that is, not superficial femininity.
Having totally and apparently irrevocably lost my male function, I fully agree with the importance of cuddling and other non-sexual intimacies, although since our lovemaking has always had important elements not dependent on male function we both still feel the occasional need for something more overtly sexual.
While I have never thought of myself as any thing but male, and certainly would not have considered myself an androgyne, I tend to wonder whether I might have felt differently if I had believed I could look as gorgeous as Sarah or Abi Drew, and if it were possible to achieve a full transition with reproductive capability and I was 50 years younger and without an overwhelmingly important relationship with my wife. I envy them their certainty as to what they are, even if they have a horrendously difficult road to follow.
With a brain giving me a disposition to look to receive sexual advances rather than initiate them, and finding that gay men were more likely to hook up with you than straight women, and that such men often wanted you to play a some what female role, I did things for which I suffered a lot of guilt one way or another. Trying to avoid TMI, I always ran fast from any man who showed any sign of showing an emotional attachment. Eventually I convinced myself that I must get out of that dangerous world (as providence would have it before the start of the AIDS epidemic). Thereafter, someone who had become and remained a very good female friend of mine, who was female and also my first love, and who had engineered me into a date once before but ended up marrying someone who didn't suffer my inhibitions, gave me a second chance which that time I didn't fumble. We've now been married for more than a third of a century.
12-12-2013, 05:38 AM
Thank you for all the apologies.
I guess I just need time to figure out what I'm going to do next.
Yeah, being unable to trust people who could potentially hate you sounds like quite a problem to deal with. Perhaps joining a TG support group may help in this regard?
I'm curious to hear more on how you envy androgynous types. Sure, there may be less drama, but I think there's a lot of murky water concerning androgyny.
I guess I just need time to figure out what I'm going to do next.
(10-12-2013, 06:17 AM)SarahSchilling Wrote:(06-12-2013, 05:42 AM)flamesabers Wrote: How do you perceive your own gender identity and how does it drive or refrain you from pursuing certain choices or actions?
As a sort of apology, I'll answer your question from the OP.
I'm TG... yeah a real shock, right? It makes me refrain from being social altogether, because I have little in common with most men, and most women treat me like a guy(like if I ask a chick if they want to come over, she thinks i'm hitting on her, yeah right lmao). Its hard to get along with people you suspect would hate who you really are lol. I can't trust anyone, because I feel that i'm lying to all but the very few close friends I have.
On the other hand, it drives me to dream of living something that resembles an actual life eventually. I actually can envision a future thats more than just tolerable, which is something new. We'll see how it goes lol
See? Wasn't the topic more fun before? I envy you androgynous types in some ways. Much less dramatic ;p
Yeah, being unable to trust people who could potentially hate you sounds like quite a problem to deal with.
Perhaps joining a TG support group may help in this regard? I'm curious to hear more on how you envy androgynous types. Sure, there may be less drama, but I think there's a lot of murky water concerning androgyny.
12-12-2013, 05:58 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-12-2013, 06:07 AM by SarahSchilling.)
(12-12-2013, 05:38 AM)flamesabers Wrote: Thank you for all the apologies.
I guess I just need time to figure out what I'm going to do next.
Yeah, being unable to trust people who could potentially hate you sounds like quite a problem to deal with.
I'm curious to hear more on how you envy androgynous types. Sure, there may be less drama, but I think there's a lot of murky water concerning androgyny.
Support group is not an option where I currently reside. This is my support group lol
Anyways, I said I envy people drawn to androgyny in some ways. For one thing it's a much closer goal to reach, only feeling the need to go halfway, in a sense. For another, it involves much less surgery, therefore much less money. I'd also imagine you have to endure not quite as much ridicule. (Although, being somewhat androgynous myself currently, I can attest to it possibly being worse at points.) Finally, it's hard for me to envision having a burning desire to be androgynous. Like an all consuming sense of undying thirst to be directly between sexes. The kind of feeling I get about being a woman when I take breaks from estrogen lol..although it's always there for me, E just dulls it, but that's another topic altogether ;p
There's just much less of a negative social connotation to it than full fledged transgendered people, I suppose. Then again, I'm sure it's different for everyone, so I don't mean to generalize. Also, it's probably tougher to deal with than I think it is.
Grass is always greener, after all.
12-12-2013, 02:21 PM
Flame -
I, for one, hope you will remain an active participant on the forum. I would prefer that members avoid posting seamy/pornographic messages. They turn me off, not on. I am much more interested in the thoughtful and occasionally humorous comments about gender, NBE, and related issues. You have been one of the leaders here for as long as I have known about the site and without you it would not be the same.
spanky
I, for one, hope you will remain an active participant on the forum. I would prefer that members avoid posting seamy/pornographic messages. They turn me off, not on. I am much more interested in the thoughtful and occasionally humorous comments about gender, NBE, and related issues. You have been one of the leaders here for as long as I have known about the site and without you it would not be the same.
spanky
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