[Lisa Raye]

This is my first post. Hello to all. I have always been emotional. I cry watching all of those shows. (I always tried to hide it) Little House on the Prairie was the worst. I also get embarrassed for others on TV and I get angry with them as well. My heart strings are very exposed I guess. Does taking supplements increase this? I will be a mess.

[GoneGirl]

Welcome to the forum, Lisa Raye. I, like you, waited until late in life to acknowledge the female side of my gender identity. Better late than never, for me.

Herbal estrogen (Pueraria Mirifica or PM) has broadened and sharpened my emotional sensitivity to everyday happenings, and has had a very positive affect on my marriage.

I say there's no harm in trying it if you are so inclined. Who knows? It might have a stabilizing effect on your emotions. Take it slow in the beginning to better gauge how your body reacts to these amazing herbs.

CK

[Lisa Raye]

Thank you ClaraKay for your insight.

I am pretty emotional, but I really am not that worried about the effects of PM or other herbs.

I am pretty skeptical that I will notice anything with these herbs. (breast development or otherwise) I am researching it along with other herbs. I keep seeing many people saying that they are not seeing any effects.

Is PM the best your opinion?

And what is the best way to get it?

Again, thanks so much. I do enjoy knowing that there are others struggling with similar issues as myself. I also have grown children and a spouse. I am not sure how to talk to my wife or hide this from my wife.

Take care.

[GoneGirl]

Lisa, your comments continue to strike a chord with my own experience.

When I discovered this site and read about herbal supplements for breast growth, I was highly skeptical. The sincerity of the postings, along with the photo evidence, did make me question my jaded attitude.

I was more interested in the mental effects of PM than the breast growth aspects when I bought two bottles of Ainterol R1 from AinterolHerbs.com.

So you can imagine how surprised and panicky I was when signs of growth (enlarged nipples, swelling, and significant tenderness) showed up within two weeks. I've never taken anything but PM, so I can't talk to the other phyto-estrogen herbs. I don't take any anti-androgens either (Saw Palmetto, Spearmint).

I would try PM all by itself for starters. Ramp up the dosage slowly and give it a chance to work. Chances are, like me, it's all you'll need.

CK

[Lotus]

Every year around this time, my wife and I watch "It's Wonderful Life". I can't tell you how many times I've seen that movie. Watching it at Christmas has become a tradition in our house, like turkey dinner at Thanksgiving.

In all the years we've watched that movie, I've never teared up at the end (my wife always does). It's not that I don't feel the joy and happiness of the moment, I do, but don't get all misty eyed.

Welcome the misty eyed club, the Miracle on 34th Street always gets me at the end!. Nowadays, all it takes is seeing a reunion of our military personnel with their families, every single time!

L

[MonikaT]

I don't know that PM has made an impact on my emotions. I just saw Pay it Forward yesterday, and I cried at the end. Who wouldn't cry at such an ending? As a small boy, my mom took me to see Love Story. When I cried at the end, she asked why I was crying. I said, "Because she died." I've always had the capacity for empathy. My emotions have always been close to the surface. I learned early on to channel most of the softer emotions into either laughter or anger because those are the only emotions our screwed-up society allows men to have.

Right now, my emotions might be running higher than usual because of depression mixed with seasonal affective disorder. I'm largely fed up with the world and how I see things going. I'm sick of the illusion of choice we are given at every election. I'm tired of the only control I have being how I react to a given situation. The public gets what the public wants, but I want nothing this society's got. My job has cost me everything in life that matters--friends, personal relationships, my home (I still have the house, but it is no longer a home following repeated burglaries while I wasn't home because of work). A couple months ago, I came to the realization that I am completely alone in the world and have been for many years. In other words, the delusions I've lived under for the past 18 years finally exploded. I could go on, but that's enough.

[myboobs]

Thank you ClaraKay for your insight.

I am pretty emotional, but I really am not that worried about the effects of PM or other herbs.

I am pretty skeptical that I will notice anything with these herbs. (breast development or otherwise) I am researching it along with other herbs. I keep seeing many people saying that they are not seeing any effects.

Is PM the best your opinion?

And what is the best way to get it?

Again, thanks so much. I do enjoy knowing that there are others struggling with similar issues as myself. I also have grown children and a spouse. I am not sure how to talk to my wife or hide this from my wife.

Take care.

Welcome newbie
I like you have not told my wife . Herbs I take can be expplained away by their health benefits and boobi growth as bonus

[GoneGirl]

I am not sure how to talk to my wife or hide this from my wife.

Lisa, I missed this point in my previous response. It's a very important one.

I struggled with how to, or even whether to, tell my wife. It wasn't the taking of PM, per se, but the whole gender identity matter.

I came to point where I had to give expression to my female identity in a significant way. It would be impractical (although not impossible) to do so without her noticing. I knew that it would be a gamble to come out to her. I wasn't worried that she would leave me, but the possible loss of her love and respect weighed heavy.

I had been taking PM for a week when I sat down with my wife and explained what I was doing and why. She said barely a word, but the look on her face was of complete sadness. My feelings were laid bare before her; I don't think I'd ever felt so vulnerable.

I didn't mention the PM at first. I didn't want to throw too much at her all at once. We had many long talks in the days that followed. Again, mostly I talking, and she listening. It was difficult to gauge her feelings about it. She was 'confused' she said, or 'I don't understand'.

I had prepared before hand for this, having read up on the subject of gender identity disorder and 'crossdreaming' ahead of time. I was able to print out some material for her to read. It helped her to know that my condition was recognized in the medical/psychiatric field.

I eventually learned that her main fear was that our marriage would end. She assumed that I was gay, even though I assured her I wasn't. Then, about a week later her attitude changed. She began to accept the new me. She explained that it was good that I opened up to her. She said she always thought that our mediocre sex life was due to her own failings as a woman. Knowing the truth absolved her of that guilt. My sexuality was not that of a man comfortable in his own skin. That realization, for her and for me, was the beginning of a whole new era in our relationship.

Lisa, only you can decide whether coming out to your wife is worth the risk. I will say that, for me, living without the cloud of deception hanging over my marriage has been very liberating for me and my wife.

CK

[Lisa Raye]

Thank you CK!!

Thanks for sharing your experience and thanks for the advice.

I worry about the marriage. I feel like I am not sure of my own identity right now. That makes it hard for me to even know what to share with her. I know I have to explore a feminine side that I have always had. I have an increasing need to dress feminine. I feel a need to attempt to make myself more desirable to men (through dressing and make-up and having breasts. I even have a desire to please a man if he wishes. But I have a desire to please a woman if she desires as well. I do not have what I would call attractions to men's looks. Maybe I am bisexual while needing to be feminine. I don't know. If I get myself clear, I will know better how or if to share with her.

Thanks again,

Lisa

[GoneGirl]

Thank you CK!!

Thanks for sharing your experience and thanks for the advice.

I worry about the marriage. I feel like I am not sure of my own identity right now. That makes it hard for me to even know what to share with her. I know I have to explore a feminine side that I have always had. I have an increasing need to dress feminine. I feel a need to attempt to make myself more desirable to men (through dressing and make-up and having breasts. I even have a desire to please a man if he wishes. But I have a desire to please a woman if she desires as well. I do not have what I would call attractions to men's looks. Maybe I am bisexual while needing to be feminine. I don't know. If I get myself clear, I will know better how or if to share with her.

Thanks again,

Lisa

Lisa Raye,
I hear you. Discovering my true identity after years of having suppressed my female subconscious is an on-going process for me, too. It can be a terrifying journey.

I understand what you mean when you say that you "have a desire to please a man". But, that doesn't necessarily mean you are gay or even bisexual. It's quite common for straight male crossdreamers to imagine themselves being penetrated by a faceless male. Is it the man you are attracted to, or the idea of experiencing sex as a woman? For me it's the latter. I think it's because I have a submissive nature when it comes to sex.

Surprisingly, for me anyway, after starting the PM, those fantasies largely disappeared. It's almost like my starving female identity was crying out for expression in ways that were disturbing to me at a conscious level. That's the best explanation I've been able to come up with. Under the hormonal influence of PM, all that has gone away. It's like now that I can act out certain feminine inclinations for real, the previous obsessive behaviors and preoccupation with sexual thoughts has no meaning for me anymore. For me, that has been huge.

I have to say, though, that if my wife wasn't supportive, if I had to hide my crossdressing and growing breasts, if I couldn't shave my body, if I had to keep trying to play the male role in the bedroom, if I had to continue to deal with the shame and guilt that accompanies the deception, I don't know that I would have achieved mental peace or improved the quality of my marital relationship as I have.

I wish you luck on your quest for self-discovery. Take it slow, read as much as you can about gender identity and the dysphoria that accompanies its being suppressed. I personally found that reading Jack Molay's blog about crossdreaming very helpful.

If you do come out to your wife someday, it's important that you have the confidence that comes with knowledge of your condition and how best to deal with it.

I hope my perspective is of some help. I really feel for what you are going through. I do believe there is peace of mind to be had. It just takes time.

Hugs,

CK