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SO Acceptance

#41

Janet, I was in the closet for a long time and finally told my wife back in late January. I still have 21 yr old son and a 17 yr old daughter at home who do not know, which makes it tough. I expect I will tell them both eventually but am not yet ready to do so. Yes, once the genii is out you can't put it back in.
I am the last one that will advise you on this but for me, I wish I had spoken sooner.
Good luck, seetheart.Shy
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#42

I didn't have kids living at home when I came out to my DW, so I was not faced with the problem that you are, Janet. If I had kids living at home at the time, I don't think I would have told them. Certainly not without my wife's okay. Telling the kids is not necessary, although it will put a cramp in your in-home CD activities. Coming out to your wife is going to be hard enough. So focus on that. Have you thought about how to break the news to her?

Clara Smile

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#43

(16-06-2014, 09:02 PM)ClaraKay Wrote:  I didn't have kids living at home when I came out to my DW, so I was not faced with the problem that you are, Janet. If I had kids living at home at the time, I don't think I would have told them. Certainly not without my wife's okay. Telling the kids is not necessary, although it will put a cramp in your in-home CD activities. Coming out to your wife is going to be hard enough. So focus on that. Have you thought about how to break the news to her?

Clara Smile

I have almost done it twice. ( almost doesn't count ) I would like to get this over with in the next week or so, if not for piece mind, to finally get some decent sleep. I have the basic outline already printed out, its just so hard with the kids around too. ( it seems easier to make up excuses than do the actual tell )
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#44

(16-06-2014, 10:12 PM)Janet doe Wrote:  
(16-06-2014, 09:02 PM)ClaraKay Wrote:  I didn't have kids living at home when I came out to my DW, so I was not faced with the problem that you are, Janet. If I had kids living at home at the time, I don't think I would have told them. Certainly not without my wife's okay. Telling the kids is not necessary, although it will put a cramp in your in-home CD activities. Coming out to your wife is going to be hard enough. So focus on that. Have you thought about how to break the news to her?

Clara Smile

I have almost done it twice. ( almost doesn't count ) I would like to get this over with in the next week or so, if not for piece mind, to finally get some decent sleep. I have the basic outline already printed out, its just so hard with the kids around too. ( it seems easier to make up excuses than do the actual tell )

I recommend setting up a time when the two of you will be alone together, the kids are away, and no possibility for outside distractions.

Clara
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#45

DW?? As in, "D. W. Washburn"? http://youtu.be/kBT9PzAkXBw
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#46

It's always said that if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is, particularly when it is something so far beyond my wildest dreams.Big GrinRolleyesDodgy I am currently in a state of suspended belief.Rolleyes After a rough day on Friday with my O&O (see posts elsewhere), last night she urged that Annie deserved her freedom, and that she was fully supportive of any measures to release my true nature, even up to and including SRS if any responsible surgeon was willing to do it, provided only that she was along for the ride as a full partner. Now if only we can go just a bit along that road I will be so happy. Big GrinBig GrinBig Grin I hope for the best anyway.

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#47

Annie, this is great news! I am so happy for you. That is just awesome. Maybe there is something in the air. My wife helped me pick out two new purses yesterday. Significantly less important, of course, than a spouse agreeing in principal to the idea of possible SRS...LOL...but still good news. Big Grin
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#48

(20-07-2014, 11:28 AM)AnnieBL Wrote:  After a rough day on Friday with my O&O (see posts elsewhere), last night she urged that Annie deserved her freedom, and that she was fully supportive of any measures to release my true nature, even up to and including SRS if any responsible surgeon was willing to do it, provided only that she was along for the ride as a full partner.

Hurrah! Now we wait for Heather's good news. I was talking to a T-girl last night who has been having similar difficulties getting her wife's acceptance. We both agreed that it's very important to include the wife as not just as an interested observer, but as a full participating co-transitioner, if you will. After all, the S.O. is also making a difficult transition to a life she never imagined a few short weeks or months before. I've started saying "our transition" and "we're transitioning" when discussing it with others. It brings a smile my DW's face when I do that. I know she's pleased to be recognized in that way.

Clara
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#49

Thank you Sammie as ever for your kind words.Smile The magic is still with us today, and the partnership is sealed. No doubt there will be some bumps and rough places to come along the way, but I'm so happy.Big Grin There I was preaching friendship, and indeed it was an essential base, but partnership was the key. I so hope it may serve you and your DW too. In the meanwhile the hugs and kisses are bubbling over, so take as many as you can use.Big Grin

Clara, yes indeed you have the essence of it. Full disclosure of matters relevant to partnership issues is another ingredient. J told me yesterday that when she went to our NP over a month ago seeking amongst other things a renewed prescription for tranquilizers (the few pills she had dated from my mother's last visit here well over ten years ago), the NP asked why she wanted them, and said that, presumably because she is only recently qualified, she would not be able to prescribe them until September, but having extracted the reason for the request, did refer her to a counselor, who is the one she has been seeing rather than the one she learned about at the PFLAG meeting she went to six weeks ago. The referral has the advantage of being at the province's expense rather than ours.

It seems that we both misinterpreted the NP's initial reaction to my original disclosure. She was surprised perhaps but apparently all agog at the possibility of acquiring a transsexual patient. She asked J amongst other things whether I intended to transition., so may prove a useful resource. After this J researched transition further and discovered that New Brunswick is one of the few Canadian provinces that does not fund SRS, although that may not be a major problem depending on where our road takes us. A more serious problem is that we are all of a sudden at a point where we need competent professional guidance and we fear that even that may be difficult to find anywhere near here. Now that I know the NP's position, I'll try to get an appointment as soon as possible to see what assistance she may be able to provide us. Failing that, SCC should be a resource. We think I should still go there on my own this year, but next year is quite a different matter.Smile

Hugs and kisses and glow all around.Big Grin

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#50

I finished reading My Husband's a Woman Now by Leslie Fabian published just this year. It's written from Leslie's perspective as the wife of her transgender/crossdresser husband of 20 years who at the age of 61 decided to transition to life as a woman. The book highlights the challenges of transitioning, especially when you play a very standout role in the community (David was an orthopedic surgeon). But, even more challenging was the struggle that Leslie, his wife, had in accepting the loss of her husband who she loved very deeply. The pain that Leslie endured during the transition took away from the joy that Deborah (her husband) experienced by finally being able to live the life she longed for. They stay together, learning to adapt to the new reality of their marriage, but the adjustments were not easy, and it made me realize that I should not assume otherwise in my own situation.

Clara

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