[AnnieBL]

Wow, that last post reads like I was drunk. Thats what I get for typing on a mobile without glasses...lol
So, last weeks blood work showed T stabile at 2.5 while E had fallen to only 98. The previous month was at 279, which my endo thought too high so I had reduced intake but will increase again now. We have also added 100 mgs daily of Prometrium taken orally. So, now at that plus the new dosage of 4mgs of E daily but 6 mgs a day twice a week. In addition, I cannot stop including PM for sentimental reasons, so 1500 mgs a day of that as well.
On another note, I start to wonder when people I work with are going to notice or say something. Granted I work in a creative office, but still. I caught site of myself in a mirror today, and frankly the change in appearance is radical from two years ago. I weigh much less, and my boobs are clearly visible, and I essentially dress like a girl much of the time, albeit one of slightly androgynous nature. Today I am wearing skin tight grey girls skinny jeans, low cut grey converse sneakers, and a thin red v-necked t-shirt, plus various bracelets. Necklaces and my ears are pierced. To top it off my hair has not been cut in over a year and is getting quite long.
How can they not notice? If I stand up straight with my shoulders back, my chest shape is unmistakable. Surely it is only a matter of time.
More and more I am starting to feel as though I am crossdressed when I am in drab.
I find that oddly comforting. :-)

Sammie, Sammie, you have been busy! Not only have you been out on the town big time, but you have been helping Arielle, you have certainly helped me greatly, and I am sure there are many others in your debt. You are such a nice person - I don't know what we would all do without you.

I would expect that the people you work with just think that you are becoming more and more 'bohemian' and that the chest shape is probably just submerged by the other changes - the long hair, loss of weight, clothing, bracelets etc. By and large, most people are hesitant to make unsolicited personal remarks so I would find the absence of comment unsurprising - but probably fragile.

In talking with J I have tried to reassure her by pointing out that I am 74 and long past the turn in the road that might have led to transition, that my height and big frame are handicaps which would be difficult to overcome in trying to pass as a woman in the day to day world (I know that you are the same height as I am, but clearly a lighter build, and your professional experience must help in in giving you the presence to carry it off), that she is the most valuable thing in my life and I like our life together, and that the PM that I am taking enables me to achieve a 'laid back' attitude that allows me mostly to live with things as they are. She has asked , if that is so, whether I would forgo Atlanta if she asked me not to go; I said I would comply but would resent it, and that would sour our relationship to some degree; she agrees and has not asked. She does tend to feel however that it may be the thin end of the wedge. I have taken the line that even if CD did prove infectious it is only something I would do under favourable circumstances (such as SCC).

At the same time I look at the people here who class themselves as fence sitters or in-betweens or whatever, and wonder how stable in that condition any of us are. I've been a member here for more than two years, and time and time again it seems that once the repressed feminine side of our nature is unleashed, it seems to take control, held in check to a degree if at all only by family and other commitments. You yourself are a good illustration. Probably for myself, the distance I have to go along the road may last me out, but certainly my appetite for feminisation is not exhausted.

In talking with J, one query she has raised is that if my T level is so low, why do I not seek T supplementation rather than taking estrogenic herbs. I have said to that that I doubt if it would be effective, which is probably true, and that it presents health risks, a view conveniently taken by our NP, but my real feeling is that it would be taking me back along the road to somewhere I don't want to be any longer. I have said to her that I am more comfortable in an estrogenic regime, and that does not necessarily involve CD. The whole thing is complicated by occasional hints that some part of her is now somehow intrigued by the gender jungle.

Lots of hugs xx