[AnnieBL]

Hi Annie,
I think the SO acceptance factor has a lot to do with the place that the relationship holds in your mate's life. I think many wives see their marriages as a reflection of themselves and how it affects their place in society. Anything that fundamentally changes how their marriage is perceived to the outside world is going to be viewed with much concern.

Other wives see their marriages as primarily a manifestation of the mutual love and devotion they share with their husband. Gender transition may or may not change the nature of that relationship. Clearly, the sexual side of the relationship is put at risk, but where that doesn't play an important part in the union, it's possible for the relationship to survive, and even thrive.

I put my marriage in this latter group. After 33 years of marriage and both of us getting up in age, physical attractiveness is no longer the glue that holds our marriage together. It's the deeper sense of a shared existence, trust, and love that is most significant in maintaining the bond. As such, my gender transition has not threatened to tear us apart. If anything, I'd say it has strengthened those bonds.

Clara

On the face of it, I would put our marriage in the same category as you put yours. Our 35th anniversary was on January 26, but we had been good friends for more than 17 years before we married. It is in discussing the situation that we run into problems. One example tending to result in a very strong rift between us is my saying that she (J) is trying to dominate Annabel (Annie) by buying , making and driving my (Annie's) clothes without much input from me, Annie. She on the other hand asks how she can look after me if I won't do what she tells me, which strikes me as being the other side of th same coin. One problem here is that my peripheral neuropathy has been causing me some severe foot pain, about which our PCP seems to be able to do no more than re-recommend things which have already proved to do more harm than good, and promising a referral to a neurologist, which I can't imagine happening quickly. I didn't even manage to extract a new prescription for Tylenol 3, which does give some relief.

Enough moaning.