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Gender Dysphoria

LOL...Yeah, well you got that right, Robin. That's what Sammie and I are real good at. I can see it now...Rolleyes

Clara
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Now, Clara, don't go scaring the poor girl...:-)
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(04-08-2014, 02:52 AM)ClaraKay Wrote:  Hey, Robin. I know the feeling. It's like a volcano. For years, nothing much happens, then signs start to appear -- tremors, fissures, steam. Pressure builds and the warnings go out. In the final stages things happen so fast, it's hard to catch a breath.

I'm at the point where there is nothing holding me back now except money and logistics.

Check out this post by me from 8 months ago:

(20-12-2013, 08:53 PM)ClaraKay Wrote:  I don't think I'm transsexual, but I've heard tell that taking hormones (and herbs that have a similar effect) can be a slippery slope.

The way I look at it is NBE *is* transitioning in the sense that I am feminizing my body (and mind) to an extent that could disrupt my life in both positive as well as negative ways. The problem is not knowing a priori the long term consequences either way.

At this point, I'm going for it because the positives do outweigh what I see as the negatives, but if the scales should shift will I be able to adjust?

I would be quite happy with breast development up to point. I'm not sure how far I can or want to go, but I've told my wife (truthfully) that I won't ever be presenting as female in public (risky assertion?). That means being able to hide my breasts in public. She's already bought me a sports bra without me asking!

The devil I don't know is: Will I be able to stop growth at some point, go on a maintenance dose of PM, and still keep the mental benefits? IIRC, Flame, that you found it necessary to *increase* your PM dosage to maintain the "brain rewiring" you desire. That's fine as long as you don't mind continued breast development (assuming you've not yet reached full size). Otherwise, a difficult choice would have to be made.

Then too, I might also discover down the road that I *am* transsexual. Huh

Yeah, it's scary when I think about it. It's like I'm driving into a thick fog -- a thick pink fog. Smile

Clara Kay

Surprise! I AM a transsexual after all.

Clara Cool

as gomer pile said 'surprise,surprise,surprise!'
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Squirrel with boobs. I do not understand your point. Robin.
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(07-08-2014, 02:02 AM)RobinMurphy Wrote:  Squirrel with boobs. I do not understand your point. Robin.

in reference to what robin?
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I ran across this posting in a blog Inner Woman Speak Out that had special significance to me early in my transition. I want to repeat the intro post here because I could have written it myself, and I believe many of you can relate to these words and benefit from the blogger's insights as well.

Clara Smile

Hi Readers,

This blog is dedicated to all men who have a fantasy of becoming a woman. Some of us try to actualize this fantasy by crossdressing. Some are brave and lucky enough to come out as a woman in public, and even to get a sex reassignment surgery. They are the brave ones for whom expressing their femininity is their destiny in life. They are brave enough to stand the intolerance of society and follow their dream. I have my admiration and respect for these brave girls!

But, there is a big majority who comes under my category - They have feminine fantasies, but they don't wish to reveal this to anyone. They don't want to come out as a crossdresser in public or do surgery to change their gender. One reason is that they have big responsibilities in life and fulfilling these responsibilities require them to be men. Even though they like the idea of imagining themselves as females and crossdressing occassionally, they have higher priorities in their life which demands them to be males. These type of people might end up in serious depression in long run, unless they deal with this emotional problem. They might become guilty about having these feminine fantasies. They might get addicted to these fantasies and lose focus on other areas of life.

I belonged to the second type mentioned above. I crossdressed occasionally, and dreamed of being a beautiful girl. I became addicted to these fantasies. But then these fantasies started making me dry out. I started feeling depressed for not being born as a girl. I started feeling that I am inefficient in my life and responsibilities because society expected me to be a true man. But I had my priorities in my life. I never wanted to cause any worry to my parents. And there is a girl who loves me very dearly, and I wanted to be the man of her life and make her happy. Also, success in my studies and career was a high priority for me. So, I was determined to find out how to make my life happy and not to let my feminine side make me feel guilty and inefficient. Then I took over a quest to find out ways to incorporate my feminine side into my normal life in a healthy way, so that it makes me a better person. I researched the web, did some thinking and reflection about myself and chatted with some CDs/TGs in the online world. My research took almost 3 years, but now I can confidently say that I am not worried about having a feminine side. I am not addicted to the feminine side either. Instead I have accepted that this "Inner woman" is a part of me and I am able to move on in my life.

This blog is intended to be a helping hand for all "men with a feminine side", who are going through the struggle I went through. I know many people are out there struggling in frustration and disappointment - trying to escape from real life, taking shelter in fantasy. In the next posts, I will write down some helpful facts, information, web resources etc. which might be helpful. Also, I'll share some thoughts and reflections based on my experience.

One important thing is that I am not a psychiatrist or counselor and hence these posts should not be taken as "expert advice". Whatever I am writing here is purely based on the experiences I picked up during my personal journey of self discovery.I would be very happy if some of my struggling friends found the information in this blog helpful.

Wishing all of you a happy life!

With love,
Jaya

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