[EvaMarie]

Thanks Eva I could not stand whybreasts any more I think that was just a cry for help. I look a lot like you old photos and you make me so want to try and do what you did. How did you lose all of that weight?. As soon as I get back from SCC I plan on going to a gender therpist, and I found a good one two hours away. Robin

Thanks Robin I can honestly tell you it hasnt been long for me and I NEVER thought Id inspire anyone here This is kinda long, just an excerpt from a LONG autobiography/diary Ive been working on... I plan on handing it to a shrink soon and we will hopefully save a lot of time and money getting the letter the surgeon will need... Thats still way out there though and my next step is to start with hair transplants.... I need to have my hair restored before Id ever do SRS.... Its not easy to do this at my age and you sound older too... But your here and if your not ready yet it sounds like that day is coming and when it does there will be no stopping you.... Good Luck

What for so long was just an impossible dream just kind of had to happen.... I could have kept on killing myself slowly with the Booze and depression... But more and more the Idea of a 230 grain .45 hollow point ending it all in an instant occupied my mind.... It was a DARK depressing place to be....

I remember sitting there fat, bald, hairy and bearded, filthy, sick, and drunk out of my mind in a bad dress and wig... There was a bottle of whiskey in one hand and in the other was a loaded Glock .45.... I was crying taking turns putting them in my mouth knowing I couldnt live much longer this way... One was killing slowly and the other would just be so easy... That was about a year and a half ago at this writing and it was the day I made a decision that saved my life....

I was finally DONE fighting HER and I just had a total breakdown for a couple of weeks... Id just sit and cry and I pretty much just came out to myself and forgave myself and just finally accepted me as me and let go of all the hurt and guilt and shame... It was incredibly powerful and liberating to reflect on everything and just know that from now on I would just love and accept myself and begin to live life as the REAL me....

Of course I knew it wasnt going to be easy and in fact it seemed utterly impossible, like Id waited too long... Id NEVER be anywhere near pretty much less convincing as a woman.... Then again after weighing the alternative I was determined to give it my best try.... I resolved to go for it with everything I had... On the plus side I WAS all alone far from family with a huge pile of cash, nobody here knew me at all.... I knew at that moment this would NEVER stop this time and I was going all the way...

So I got busy.... I started eating better and got off my ass and started getting the things done around here Id been neglecting.... Soon I started feeling a lot better physically... I shaved my face for the first time in 10 years and ordered some pretty things online... I saw the possibilities and an AMAZING thing happened.... Without really even trying while I didnt quit the drinking I greatly cut it back... The first 20 lbs went quick and I just felt better than I could remember feeling in decades...

Id would read everything I could find on my condition and it was becoming clearer and clearer I just had too much in common with all these very similar stories.... I knew this would never go away on its own and there is only one cure for it.... I resolved to just do the best I could and try to love and accept me as me no matter where Im at in this journey... I began to see things really arent as bad as Id made them out to be... After reading so many tragic stories of the lives of TS women and all the things they overcame I actually began to feel fortunate... While I was starting at 44 years old with severe baldness at least Im not married and I dont have kids... While I now know without a doubt had I started this very young I would have become an absolutely beautiful woman I cant really have too many regrets I guess.... Im not sure Id be in this financial position had I transitioned at that time... Things were much different in the world then than they are now.....

I started out going three months on Peuraria Mirifica, licorice, spearmint and chinese skullcap capsules... I was very skeptical it was just a scam but after a month or so things started happening... I found it easier and easier to stop the drinking and eat less... I had an amazing amount of energy and the weight loss really was remarkable... So I decided to go to a local TG support group and I met a girl there in transition and got her doctors and laser docs contact info... Id been lurking here for a while and I already had hormones on the way when I went to the doc for my first labs and got a prescription...

By this time Id had a GF that was a huge help with putting it all together, hair clothes and make up, manners ect... I started laser treatment and I knew I could never go back now and I wouldnt want to EVER... I wanted more and more to come out to family.... I had the letter written for a while before it went out... Just one day and one step at a time and I try to love and accept me as me no matter what...
Two steps forward, one step back and just enjoy the ride and roll with the changes

All of you here are beautiful and I hope you all have continued success and find peace and happiness

Gotta go get ready for another electro session

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PdU6migsqQ