[Arielle]

Thought I'd give an update on where I am, as this weekend has been somewhat busy.
Firstly I came out to my parents using this letter:

Dear Mum and Dad,

You are reading this because I must have not found the right moment to tell you something that has been on my mind for a long time. As is typical with me, I have elected to evade confrontation or I have not found the courage to tell you, or know that I will be too emotional to be able to tell you.

I find myself now in a position where I have made a choice about how to move forward with my life. I am at a significant point, I had always worried in the past, but I realise it is more important to be happy and live without regrets, than to try and live other peoples dreams. My personal loneliness, and the lack of an end to that in sight is why I am making this move.

I hope that you will understand my decision, and that I am not looking for approval. If you could understand that I have not changed, and that I am child you have brought up. I would appreciate your support, and hope that you can find it in your hearts.

It all started at school, the bullying started a vicious circle of isolation and lonliness. I became afraid to express who I was at an early age, in fear of the torment which I was subjected.

I never understood the problem until College, and then University. I was more myself and at ease in the company of girls than men, I found I could be free and complete. I had a few relationships with women in the early years, but could never play the role of a man sufficiently. My friends at college helped me understand the nature of the problem.

I missed an opportunity at University to address my difficulties, uncertainty and pain, and my caution meant that opportunity slipped away. I have had a successful career, at the expense of the things that I crave most. I ran from myself, this has left me with a personal life full of solitude and pain owing to the single issue that I have been unable to express all these years. This pain in my heart has left me unable to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I have addressed this issue with my employers, and have a plan of what I am going to do, and they are supporting me. Will my parents understand and support me as I face the greatest challenge of my life?

I have Gender Identity Disorder. It is where my body is not of the same sex as my mind, I identify as female inside, but have a male body.

I don't know where this will lead, but I will go and seek some advice from a professional gender therapist. The support of the company has given me the courage to make this choice.

I have lived with this for all of my life, I have been a failure at presenting a male role, I am not prepared to do that any more. I have lied to myself and others for the whole of my adult life, I do not wish to continue living this lie.

I am going to the Southern Comfort Convention for Gender Identity. Support services are provided and I hope to speak to a therapist or at least attend the seminars there that will help inform me of my options. This is similar but not as complete as the opportunity missed at University.

In the long term my goal is clear, I wish to be honest and happy. It is not longer possible to keep up the charade that was my life before.

For the last two years I have been taking a form of Oestrogen, this has helped me cope with some of the symptoms, however now I feel I am at breaking point and need to do something about it.

I know this is a lot to take in, and a huge shock. Hopefully you can forgive me for not telling you directly.

I have some hopes for the future, and you are entirely free to decide your part in it, but I also have some requests.

I ask that this does not change our relationship, and that the family does not drift apart because of my choice.

I would like to have your support if only emotional, as I have not changed from the person I was when a child, and throughout my adulthood.

I ask that you respect my choice, and don't try and change my mind. I am determined to see this course of action though, wherever it may lead.

If you are prepared to accept the situation, and while I have been using a cover name, I am still your child, so would ask what you would have called me had I been a girl, and if you would like me to adopt that name.

I hope that you recognise that you've not lost a son, but gained a daughter, who still loves you very much. I really hope that you can love me for the person that I am, and not the shell I inhabit.

I am so very sorry I could not find the courage to tell you in person.

I would love to talk to you about it but I understand its a lot to digest, so whenever you're ready.

With lots of love.

I have to sincerely thank Sammie for helping me with making it flow nicely. Thanks Sammie .

Anyhow the result was very positive, my Dad is fully supporting, and my Mum is slightly apprehensive, but supportive. It was an amazing relief, and it felt like I was high, actually I think I was in as much shock as them.

[Arielle]

In addition while at home, I took the opportunity to go along to the doctor. Saw the duty doctor, who turned out to be the same doctor my dad has. After a little chit chat and explaining the situation in breif to her, she said that there were two paths I could go. She was recommending gender therapy and that I would hear from her again once the referral was done.

I really cannot believe how easy that was, but now I have to make the decision to pay for some private, or go pure NHS. She said I should find the person I wish to be referred too, so I am asking all UK girls here. Do you know a good Gender Therapist you would recommend?

Love
Groundmoss

[bobie]

Glad to hear it went well for you, i came out to my parents about 2 weeks ago so know just how hard it is, personally i would go with the nhs for everything apart from surgery, having the nhs pay for your drugs will be a big plus, not saying there is anything wrong with the nhs for surgery but having given it a lot of thought and done a lot of research i decided if i get that far i would rather go private for two main reasons, firstly i would rather have the best surgeon i can afford do the surgery and secondly i would rather have a private room and better care than the nhs seem to offer

[kimdl93]

Arielle,

So glad your family responded so well. Especially impressed by your father. Good luck moving forward!

Kim

[AnnieBL]

I do feel for you having just come out to my wife of 35 years and friend for more than 50. I too found that it went surprisingly well, but your case sounds much more difficult than mine. Both my parents are dead, and my gender variance sounds less severe than yours - in fact I only fairly recently began to understand it and still don't fully. During most of my life I had very limited understanding of my problems, and at school I was perhaps fortunate to get labelled by my peers as a 'licensed eccentric' (being very big also helped then, although I am now finding it a disadvantage). I did suffer at the hands of some staff members. Any way, I hope that you are feeling as much relief as I do to have things out in the open with the people that really matter to one. I look forward to meeting you in Atlanta.

[Samantha Rogers]

You already, know how I feel, sweetheart. I am so happy for you and so proud if you!
Hugs
Sammie

[Lenneth]

Glad to hear it all went well.

[Arielle]

Thank you all for your support. I'm certainly hopeful for the future, and that it will all work out ok.

Hopefully see some if not all of you at SCC.

Arielle

[EvaMarie]

Love the new name Arielle

Congrats on taking such a big step!!! I know how hard this is, I had to do the same not long and like your seeing it went better that Id ever dreamed possible

Good Luck and best wishes Sis, hugs.... Eve...

[Arielle]

I decided in part to come back in a small way to Breast Nexus. Actually I've not found anywhere else quite the same, nor with a supporting group that are quite as nice. Susans for example just doesn't feel right, but there you go.

So news since my last post, well there has been lots. I am a British national living in Switzerland which means I can call on both health systems. I have held off taking immediate action after my letter as I wished to get some things here sorted out first. Specifically increasing the cover on my Health Insurance significantly. Yes it costs, but I should be able to recover a lot more bills.

UK Track
I went to see my GP and was referred to the local PCT social working facility. This appointment booking came through approx 2 weeks later. I made the appointment around my pre-existing flight arrangements, and went to see them on a Friday. It was a really nice lady talking to me, no experience of Trans issues, but she had lots of knowledge on anxiety and depression, as well as family issues. Anyhow the consultation took about 90mins, which was well over the time allocated, but they weren't too busy that day.
The Monday after was the team meeting of this division, they had all the specialists there talking through the new cases. From this meeting my notes were written up, and sent over to me (as well as being put on file).
I also received an appointment to see the resident psychiatrist. Which I have made the appointment for next Tuesday, when I am in UK next.

Swiss Track
So here in Switzerland I see the Endo today (hopefully). I thought my appointment was on the 17th but I got it wrong. Apparently I was having a blonde day. So anyway it is this morning, quite apprehensive, but as the Endo is a transman I am pretty sure he will understand me.
I have a gender therapist lined up for the 7th, she was on holiday for 4 weeks, and is back now, so I am keen to crack on with that.
I know the details of a voice therapist here too, from a unit a friend used. I need to have my therapist refer me, but that should be relatively straight forward.

There is an activist group I went to see the other week, and have subsequently joined, the contact I have there is a transman who is very nice.

I told the HR department a few weeks back and they were really helpful and supportive. The first comment was How can we help?, which I have to admit surprised me a bit as this is Switzerland. It is not known for being trans positive. Anyhow the HR asked me to talk to the company psychiatrist and then they would work with them to help understand what needs to be done to support my transition. I mentioned education of my colleagues and peers, but as they have no idea how to do this, I am going to set up a meeting with the Activist group.

Coming Out

I have come out to a few more friends and without exception they have all been positive. I think that being relatively open with all my friends over the years, and weeding out the 'bad ones' has left me with a core of quite progressive people. So as we stand I have quite a few people who know I am out, but I am not out on social media using my old accounts yet.

I also told my brother this week. That was strange, I usually cannot talk to him as I feel it is all shallow and vacant. However for the first time I can remember in 20 years, we had a decent conversation. He was very supportive, which again I was a little taken aback by. However this is a really useful step for getting my mum on board.

Health

For those that care about such things, I am only just over a pound away from my ideal target weight, the weight I had at university 20 years ago. (This is a 7 day average rather than spot). I have lost most of my belly fat, with only a small ring of it left, and I hope that is blasted soon, as I am obsessively controlling my diet and doing lots of exercise. Talking of which I have taken up Ballet, which is very cool, but seriously hard work. I am using muscles that have been ignored for pretty much all my life, and just doing floor work is killing. However the intense program I am doing between now and SCC should start yielding visible results hopefully.

Right that's all I can think of off the top of my head, if there is anything else I'll pop it into another post.
Thanks for listening