[FreyaAdam]

Hello ,

I am 31 M cross dresser closeted. My goal is to feminize my body in such a way that its easy to transition from male to female after work and back to male for work. 

I am seeking breast growth and bit of a hip growth. I already have a big butt. My measurements are 

39'' under bust
40.5'' over bust(big pec muscles and bit of a breast tissue confirmed by my doc)
41'' butt

I would like to go to 43" chest if possible with some defined boobs. i can wear binders if necessary for work.

Also, I would like to understand the ramifications of NBE on erection and emotional changes.

I would really appreciate your invaluable guidance.

I was also wondering how do you present in your day to day life. Is it very difficult to present as a male once you have the growth? Also, do you cross-dress? If yes, how does it impact your mannerism when you switch back and forth.

I have two children and a stable job. Ideally, I would like to switch back and forth i.e. when with kids or at work in male mode and when home alone then in CD mode.

I am just confused how it is going to impact my life forward and will be able to switch back and forth.

Sexually, I am just a bottom, so any loss of erections will not bother me at all.

Please advise on my conundrum

Appreciate any guidance before i begun my NBE journey.

Please describe the journey in pictures or words if possible. Highly appreciate your help

I am currently married but will be filling for divorce if decided to go this route.

I tried numerous times to be a straight man to my.wife but it's getting tougher n tougher as the time goes by.

Freya Adam
Freyaadam@yahoo.com

[The First Aria]

I tried numerous times to be a straight man to my.wife but it's getting tougher n tougher as the time goes by.

Freya Adam
Freyaadam@yahoo.com

Does that mean you don't like sex with your wife??

[FreyaAdam]

Not necessarily, but i am craving males more often and have also been fantazsing about being a woman in a relationship. I dont want to cheat on my wife. I have been on that road before and i broke her trust and hurted her pretty bad.

I want to be honest with myself and her, but i dont know if what i want a dual role is even possible.

I am just confused as heck. I understand that grass on the side always look greener, but i am not even sure what to look on the other side

Cheers,
Freya

[The First Aria]

Maybe, and this is something you have to decide, you might want to visit with a doctor or someone and tell them of your confusion. Maybe someone who can help with meds or just a good listener might be the ticket.

You and your wife, together, can decide from there.

[flamesabers]

Hello Freya.

Unless strangers are already calling you ma'am, I don't think it's hard to present as male even as you pursue NBE.

I don't crossdress in public. Even if I did, I doubt I would be switching back and from an alternate ego. I see my gender identity as being androgynous, rather than being bi-gendered.

Excluding other crossdressers and transsexuals, I suspect people will be confused or even bothered when they find out about your double life. Trying to live at two polar extremes I think can be very taxing in of itself.

[FreyaAdam]

Thanks guys for your valuable input.

I think that's the term I was looking for 'bi gendered'. I wish if anyone on this forum who consider themselves bi gendered could comment.

I agree with you guys and theoretically it does sound taxing to the person who is flip flopping on a daily basis.

No offense to anyone but I just cannot imagine myself as androgenous. I rather be a male because my kids and family will be more confused if I present as androgenous.

Any thoughts on bi gendered?

Cheers,
Freya

[bryony]

Not necessarily, but i am craving males more often and have also been fantazsing about being a woman in a relationship.

How exactly is this different to being a straight male who craves other women more and more? Who perhaps has straight fantasies about slutty prostitutes?

I dont want to cheat on my wife. I have been on that road before and i broke her trust and hurted her pretty bad.

So instead you will discard her and your kids who have every right to expect a loving family relationship and will instead grow up to regard you as someone who thought dressing up as a woman and getting screwed was more important than them.

I want to be honest with myself and her, but i dont know if what i want a dual role is even possible.

From where I stand, honesty is less important than accepting your responsibilities.

I am just confused as heck. I understand that grass on the side always look greener, but i am not even sure what to look on the other side

Why didn't you think about that _before_ you proposed and became a father?

The moral relativists really did a number on Western society didn't it? "If you get fed up with being a husband and father, just toss them away. You only get one life - don't waste it on someone who loves you, have meaningless sex with a stranger instead."

I don't know what amazes me more - someone coming here discussing his desire to chuck his wife and kids for self-satisfaction or other people advising the best way to do it.

Bah!

[jannet.duff]

Trust Bryony to go for the jugular . I would not often agree with him, but this is one of those times I must. Splitting up from your commitments must be seen as a last resort ( at least for me ). If you are in a loving relationship, and have kids then you need to try out all other avenues to resolve your feelings. I can understand your feelings but just dropping your wife and kids just to play around with another ( of any sex ) is just wrong.
Sit down with your wife, let her know what's going on inside your head. Then move forward, some counsel will more thsn likely be needed for both of you.

If you are in a loving relationship, this can be worked out. Hopefully !

[flamesabers]

Any thoughts on bi gendered?

I don't think she posts here anymore, but I suggest reading through "Julie TG" posts. She started a number of threads regarding bi-gendered identity.

I don't know what amazes me more - someone coming here discussing his desire to chuck his wife and kids for self-satisfaction or other people advising the best way to do it.

In reference to the latter part of your statement, are you referring to someone in this particular thread or the overall pattern of the members on BN?

[bryony]

Any thoughts on bi gendered?

I don't think she posts here anymore, but I suggest reading through "Julie TG" posts. She started a number of threads regarding bi-gendered identity.

I don't know what amazes me more - someone coming here discussing his desire to chuck his wife and kids for self-satisfaction or other people advising the best way to do it.

In reference to the latter part of your statement, are you referring to someone in this particular thread or the overall pattern of the members on BN?

Would it make a difference, Flame? It's very PC nowadays to be non-judgemental, but clearly some things should be judged. Where would we be without a personal moral code? Where do you draw the line with what is right and what is wrong?

Sometimes it is right to say not "this is how you do it" but rather "should you do it?"

There are, I believe, forums, like this one, set up where groups of anorexics get together to encourage one another to starve themselves to the point of death. Is that right? Should we be non-judgemental about that? Or should we say, "no, stop, you need to get counselling"?

I think it is bad enough being dishonest to one's wife by getting married without explaining about one's gender dysphoria, and growing breasts in secret, but to do that and have sex with strangers possibly passing on STDs, maybe AIDs, is absolutely unconscionable. The morality of not judging that kind of behaviour seems to be a wafer thin distance away from encouraging it. To advise how to achieve it, to me, is to encourage it.

I've always thought that one of the reasons that I am the way I am is that I idolise women so much, in many ways because they are better than us. Time and again I see behaviour that shows how right this belief is.

We want to grow breasts; many of us want to become women, claim to actually be women, "trapped in a man's body". Why then, do so many of us abuse them? Is it a form of jealousy? Getting one's own back for having been born a man?

I think to discard a loving wife and mother for selfish reasons is the worst form of misogyny, just one step removed from the people who beat their wives black and blue.

But hey - that's just me.

B.