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I'm attracted to transition, but when I take steps towards it I feel dead inside?

#41

Dana

good for you,

being one here with EXTREME scales, its hard to believe that when your on heat and watching the she male and other porn

Blush

that you can swing back to normal and as silly girl quotes the disgust

but you can and you do ,

without being to explicit here,

when I was on HEAT , I was ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

6 times per day relieving the juices so to speak and was all consumed pretty well every hour of the day in sleep, its really not funny

then BINK

back to normal after a few weeks on PM

shake head , sigh , shake head sigh


Sad

Julie
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#42

(02-12-2015, 01:59 PM)Dana Mantra Eon Wrote:  Well friends, I'm back. I did a lot to try and figure out other sides of myself, but I just kept coming back to needing to try this for real (three months or so). So I came up with a new plan to help me separate my fetish from my true self: nofap. Yeah, that reddit sub. As much as I don't agree with everything they say, It's been very helpful to take a couple months off of porn and masturbation and just utterly retract (overt) sexuality from my feelings of transition.

I started my plan last night, and will be adding it to the programs section in a month, along with pics, and my various responses. Thank you all for being so understanding and helping me out here. Looking forward to the ride.

Congratulations and enjoy the journey, where ever it make take you! ^_^
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#43

(02-12-2015, 01:59 PM)Dana Mantra Eon Wrote:  Well friends, I'm back. I did a lot to try and figure out other sides of myself, but I just kept coming back to needing to try this for real (three months or so). So I came up with a new plan to help me separate my fetish from my true self: nofap. Yeah, that reddit sub. As much as I don't agree with everything they say, It's been very helpful to take a couple months off of porn and masturbation and just utterly retract (overt) sexuality from my feelings of transition.

I started my plan last night, and will be adding it to the programs section in a month, along with pics, and my various responses. Thank you all for being so understanding and helping me out here. Looking forward to the ride.
Glad to hear your coming to terms with it, and the temporary withdrawl from the other activity should lend to clearer thinking during your ride. wishing you the best.
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#44

(16-09-2015, 11:48 PM)Sillygirl37 Wrote:  Dana, when I first started getting into my transition, I had the same emotions for about 6 months before I decided that I really wanted this. I did the same as you, thinking I was a cross dresser and tried it and later feeling disgusted like it was freaky. I then begin to think about herbs, then ordering hormones. Then going back to getting rid of them. Eventually, the disgust starting getting less as I started to understand what my goals were going to be. One day, the disgust didn't come back and I decided to go all the way.

I feel like I'm in a similar boat as you pre-hormones. Since you're on synthetics, what did your gender therapist say? What does he/she ask/do to determine that you're eligible. I'm trying to see one as soon as I get a new health insurance. I wonder if growing out my hair (goes down to my nipple with some curls), getting it permed (although some completely cis guys may do it), and putting on some clear varnish on my fingers count for anything, and the fact that I think of wishing I was more feminine like all the time, except sometimes when I'm actually out in public thinking about how awkward and out of place I'd feel if I did try to transition.
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