Hello people,
I just want to apologize in advance that this intro will be long.
My name is Sasha, not really that's a lie but I do that often to hide myself from everybody. Sasha is the name I call myself in my head, I'm 29 and live in Southern Ontario. Today is the first day I decided I am going to start improving myself, it's the first time I will be opening up about myself, the first time I take pills, the first time I make any real adjustments to my diet and physical shape and the first time I'll be accepting to myself of who I am.
I'm 5'9" with an average body shape, I mixed race mostly European but a bit of Chinese. I've always had smaller hands, feet, wrists, ankles and no body hair except a face and private spots. Growing up that used to embarrass me but now it's finally a bonus. I still feel however it's too late for me to transition to the point of being a 100% passable female but more on that later.
As of today I'm currently taking the following:
500mg Saw Palmetto (Zhou Nutrition)
1,220mg Fenugreek (Nature's Way)
800mg Red Clover (Nature's Way)
I know a lot of people will say what I am about to do is a bad thing but at this point it's the only way for me to break the ice. I plan to partially transition in stealth mode.
I apologize if this next part sounds like a personal ad lol.
My 2016 Goals
What I'd like to do is just take a whole year with the pills I can get off amazon I mentioned before. I'd like to save up for lazer hair removal and really start focusing on using Aloe Vera or various skin/body improving creams to soften and clear up my skin. I want to slowly work on techniques to widen my hips, get a bigger butt and narrow my waist if possible...I realize those things are much harder to change. I'm about 170lbs right now and I'm going to drop that down to about 145lbs in the next 2 months so I hope that helps but it may be a giveaway to my transition.
I realize some people will recommend talking to a specialist, psychiatrist or some LGBT community person but I just don't see the point currently at least. I've always been a strong mental fortitude, I've never been close to my family and only see friends maybe twice a year and since many of them got married or moved away that whole "slow fade" thing is happening anyway. I don't feel bothered by this btw, it's almost more liberating to me.
My Fears
Career is probably my biggest fear, I don't make much money now, I'm getting older and where I currently work I can not get by transitioning. I work in HVAC field, I don't have to do much heavy lifting luckily so I don't need to worry too much about muscle loss but after the first year of feminization I'm not so sure I can move onto the next step until I find a more open minded career path. I am single and live alone so the idea of relocating to a new city for a new career does really appeal to me though but I won't bore you all with that...it's the #1 problem I think currently.
My second bigger fear is just being open to the public, I'll admit i've been almost a total shut in for the last 4 years. I don't drink or party as much, I just sort have been dealing with my depression by working and relaxing as much as possible. I'd like to go to local LGBT bars but I can't risk being seen there lol, everybody who has ever known me knows me as a ordinary straight man. I've been with many women, I could fit right in with the cast of Seinfeld as just weird but normal and straight. This is a problem I feel like maybe as I transition more it will be easier for me to come out or if I relocate to a new career in a new city I can join the scene then.
So those are my two major fears, I don't think I'm special by any means I'm sure many people have had financial and outing issues too but mentally I think I'm in a good place right now breaking the ice for 2016.
This next part will be very fun or gross depending on who you are, you have been warned
My Perversions
I can remember as far as being in grade 3 I'd have dreams of being female or maybe just one aspect being female. Maybe one dream I'd have huge breasts, or a big ass, long feminine hair style, female voice or sometimes I was just wearing womans clothes in the dream. Every single time I was turned on but also fearful yet I always enjoyed those dreams the most on the odd days I had them. I won't bore you with a total history of my life but in end I realized I just love femininity.
I've only ever been with women to date but I admit any feminine man, feminine woman, masculine woman, feminine shemale or masculine shemale gets me going. Anything that has aspects of femininity seem to work for me for some reason. To me and I could be wrong but to me when it comes to sex manly men are at the top, the second you add a feminine aspect to them they become "fuckable." Once you are in the "fuckable" category you are now at risk of being a bottom, you may still be a top but if a "true top" comes along you are at their whim really. I'd love to appear as female or extremely feminine looking man with breasts but I'd like to keep my penis active.
That's really what my goal is, I like the idea of being able to top women or even smaller feminine men than myself but if somebody higher in the food chain comes along they can top me. I've always felt I was meant to be somewhere in the middle, ideally long term I'd appear and sound like a women but keep my penis (I don't care if it shrinks) and depending on who I fall in love with will depend if I transition fully or if we keep a mutual bottom/top rotation. I think there is really something about being able to "return the favour" with your partner. I admit I've been a bit sexually deprived and have been fantasizing about sucking a cock for a while but I know I'm not quite ready to start a relation with how I appear currently.
Anyway to conclude I looking forward to talking to you all, and I am really looking forward to finishing the goals I set out for this year.
I just want to apologize in advance that this intro will be long.
My name is Sasha, not really that's a lie but I do that often to hide myself from everybody. Sasha is the name I call myself in my head, I'm 29 and live in Southern Ontario. Today is the first day I decided I am going to start improving myself, it's the first time I will be opening up about myself, the first time I take pills, the first time I make any real adjustments to my diet and physical shape and the first time I'll be accepting to myself of who I am.
I'm 5'9" with an average body shape, I mixed race mostly European but a bit of Chinese. I've always had smaller hands, feet, wrists, ankles and no body hair except a face and private spots. Growing up that used to embarrass me but now it's finally a bonus. I still feel however it's too late for me to transition to the point of being a 100% passable female but more on that later.
As of today I'm currently taking the following:
500mg Saw Palmetto (Zhou Nutrition)
1,220mg Fenugreek (Nature's Way)
800mg Red Clover (Nature's Way)
I know a lot of people will say what I am about to do is a bad thing but at this point it's the only way for me to break the ice. I plan to partially transition in stealth mode.
I apologize if this next part sounds like a personal ad lol.
My 2016 Goals
What I'd like to do is just take a whole year with the pills I can get off amazon I mentioned before. I'd like to save up for lazer hair removal and really start focusing on using Aloe Vera or various skin/body improving creams to soften and clear up my skin. I want to slowly work on techniques to widen my hips, get a bigger butt and narrow my waist if possible...I realize those things are much harder to change. I'm about 170lbs right now and I'm going to drop that down to about 145lbs in the next 2 months so I hope that helps but it may be a giveaway to my transition.
I realize some people will recommend talking to a specialist, psychiatrist or some LGBT community person but I just don't see the point currently at least. I've always been a strong mental fortitude, I've never been close to my family and only see friends maybe twice a year and since many of them got married or moved away that whole "slow fade" thing is happening anyway. I don't feel bothered by this btw, it's almost more liberating to me.
My Fears
Career is probably my biggest fear, I don't make much money now, I'm getting older and where I currently work I can not get by transitioning. I work in HVAC field, I don't have to do much heavy lifting luckily so I don't need to worry too much about muscle loss but after the first year of feminization I'm not so sure I can move onto the next step until I find a more open minded career path. I am single and live alone so the idea of relocating to a new city for a new career does really appeal to me though but I won't bore you all with that...it's the #1 problem I think currently.
My second bigger fear is just being open to the public, I'll admit i've been almost a total shut in for the last 4 years. I don't drink or party as much, I just sort have been dealing with my depression by working and relaxing as much as possible. I'd like to go to local LGBT bars but I can't risk being seen there lol, everybody who has ever known me knows me as a ordinary straight man. I've been with many women, I could fit right in with the cast of Seinfeld as just weird but normal and straight. This is a problem I feel like maybe as I transition more it will be easier for me to come out or if I relocate to a new career in a new city I can join the scene then.
So those are my two major fears, I don't think I'm special by any means I'm sure many people have had financial and outing issues too but mentally I think I'm in a good place right now breaking the ice for 2016.
This next part will be very fun or gross depending on who you are, you have been warned
My Perversions
I can remember as far as being in grade 3 I'd have dreams of being female or maybe just one aspect being female. Maybe one dream I'd have huge breasts, or a big ass, long feminine hair style, female voice or sometimes I was just wearing womans clothes in the dream. Every single time I was turned on but also fearful yet I always enjoyed those dreams the most on the odd days I had them. I won't bore you with a total history of my life but in end I realized I just love femininity.
I've only ever been with women to date but I admit any feminine man, feminine woman, masculine woman, feminine shemale or masculine shemale gets me going. Anything that has aspects of femininity seem to work for me for some reason. To me and I could be wrong but to me when it comes to sex manly men are at the top, the second you add a feminine aspect to them they become "fuckable." Once you are in the "fuckable" category you are now at risk of being a bottom, you may still be a top but if a "true top" comes along you are at their whim really. I'd love to appear as female or extremely feminine looking man with breasts but I'd like to keep my penis active.
That's really what my goal is, I like the idea of being able to top women or even smaller feminine men than myself but if somebody higher in the food chain comes along they can top me. I've always felt I was meant to be somewhere in the middle, ideally long term I'd appear and sound like a women but keep my penis (I don't care if it shrinks) and depending on who I fall in love with will depend if I transition fully or if we keep a mutual bottom/top rotation. I think there is really something about being able to "return the favour" with your partner. I admit I've been a bit sexually deprived and have been fantasizing about sucking a cock for a while but I know I'm not quite ready to start a relation with how I appear currently.
Anyway to conclude I looking forward to talking to you all, and I am really looking forward to finishing the goals I set out for this year.
