[Krrdex]

Been meaning to post this for a while but life's been busy. So, a little about me. I'm someone who is definitely some kind of mess of GQ/GF/Bigender/whatever. Sometimes I'm very comfortable being male, but at others it's almost crushing how much I need to be female. Transitioning obviously would just create more problems. Not to mention I am an avid Traceur (practitioner of parkour) and muscle loss would be a huge problem. I wouldn't mind small breasts of course since they could easily be passed off as a bit of chest flab (my body type tends toward the thicker yet still strong and athletic build). However herbal approaches would probably have a negative impact on my physique.

So I guess the question is how do you guys manage these issues? My GF is fully onboard with who I am, so that's an excellent plus. I'm chicken to be out about it in general, even though I would have amazing support. I also roll in the local kink community, so it's not like it would be something really out of the ordinary. Still, meh. I'm eventually going to need to reconcile these feelings. Thoughts?

[The First Aria]

Many people on this board have been able to walk the balance between female/male. But, I would have to think that is your inner nature. Some peeps think they can, but slip off into either full transgender mode, or back into male mode.

Its really what's in the cards for you, is what I am saying.

[flamesabers]

If you can feel very comfortable being male, I don't think transitioning is an ideal option for you. You could simply take NBE herbs and see if that's enough to quiet the dysphoria feelings you're having. You don't have to go all the way if you decide to go down the route of NBE. If you haven't already, you could also try crossdressing to see if that helps with fulfilling your need to feel female.

[Billie]

Maybe it would be a good idea to tell your psychologist about it. It might be helpful to have a GD diagnosis. If you need support go to a support group. I have real psychological diagnosed issues. I go to groups to get help.

[Dianna1395]

This is one of those times to think long and hard about how to proceed.
You sound to me like more of a CD than Gender Dysphoric. Like you want to be a girl with VERY masculine strength. Look male, act male, perform male, but have breasts...
Best options are forms and implants, since your strength won't be affected.

Now, if your first thought is "F*** YOU!" then a different approach is needed.
You need to decide how much you're willing to sacrifice, because you'll lose some strength... But would you lose enough weight to offset it? Could you pass? Do you care? (Some, especially late transitioneers, are to be honest pretty ravaged by testosterone.) If you want to go down that road regardless, hoping for the best? Start prepping, determine tradeoffs, go low dose herbal, and start working on getting skinny (-er) and more strength trading... But be aware that will limit your feminine side.

Trust me, you can't be both. I wish! So decide what's more important. Then start checking hormone levels ( free T, SHBG, T1, T2, T3, E1, E2, E3, Progesterone, probably liver enzymes), and then make haste slowly.



-Dianna

[Krrdex]

Physically, I know what my options are. And like I said, making major changes like a full transition wouldn't necessarily make me happy either for the same reasons I get frustrated now, just the other way around.

Part of what I think will help is just finding the courage to be out. I'm never going to be the queen of the femmes, and I'm fine with that ;P It's about making me feel better, not what other people think.

So in addition to the above, anyone have any ideas on practical ways for dealing with dysphoria in the moment or feeling emotionally better about it? I don't have time right now to find a psychologist and go that route due to school and work. Maybe in a few weeks. I've seen psychologists before for some stress/anxiety issues (yay, graduating as an RN in 2010 - the worst RN job market in history XD) so it's not like I'm downplaying that. They're fucking miracle workers if you ask me, and everyone should do themselves a favor and have some therapy for a few weeks. I'll bet you'll be better for it.

[The First Aria]

I truly think that the first step would be to talk to your doctor the next appointment. I could be just a little E would be like the difference between night and day, without you worrying about transitioning. At the worst, it would prove you either need to think going that route or not. It may just calm the mind down enough for it to be bearable.

[KellyT]

I found that Dysphoria for me is as real as it gets. I went on estrogen and my Bi-Polar disorder along with panic attacks went away. I have found for me that when I am getting estrogen I feel normal. When I get off of estrogen the same old problems come back. "Depression, anxiety, and all that goes with it.

I am not sure this holds true for most suffering from Dysphoria but it sure holds true for me. My doctors tell me over and over there is a remarkable difference in me when I am on estrogen. I have finally decided to continue the course prescribed by my medical team because I sure love the natural and calming feeling I get from estrogen.

One of my doctors explained to me that true Dysphoria suffers get relief from an estrogen administered regiment. I also take spironolactone for as an anti-androgen.

[Dianna1395]

Since this is a thread on "dealing" ...
I'm finding a new problem.

I must be exercising correctly, because the GD GD is firing ALL DAY, EVERY DAY now... but worst in the morning.

I think it was when examining why Howard Stern was so popular, they found that Testosterone peaks in the morning. So programs could get away with a bit more sexual innuendo.

So: Worst GD in the morning, and worst aspects of personality dissociation in the morning, too, as a result.

I'm drinking spearmint tea, but no other supplements of note (Centrum multi-vitamin).
But the negative, "get me the F out of here," is screaming in my head. I am aware of the breasts (lack of, as well), and wishing I'd worn a bra, just to affirm their existence, and, and, and... (the list doesn't matter.)

SO: Since I'm not made of money, I obviously need external help, and we're back to pharma or herbs that needs to be in the budget.

Question, purpose of the note: Anyone else see a similar pattern? I.E., worst in the morning? Especially following a good night's sleep? (I got 10 hours or so last night, slept through, wanted to crawl back in bed this morning. Did, in fact, and was late getting out the door...)

If that's a "normal" circadian rhythm, I'll need to address it. If it's not something others have noticed, I'd want to look into the cause a little more carefully before addressing supplementation. If it's "just me" the odds are, I have other issues that need to be assessed with a doctor's help.

-Dianna

[julieTG]

I found that Dysphoria for me is as real as it gets. I went on estrogen and my Bi-Polar disorder along with panic attacks went away. I have found for me that when I am getting estrogen I feel normal. When I get off of estrogen the same old problems come back. "Depression, anxiety, and all that goes with it.

me too

Julie