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I'm really sorry about this...

#31

(29-05-2016, 10:07 PM)jannet.duff Wrote:  Sophia,

I will just say a few things from my perspective, they may or may not have any bearing on your particular problems.

I will probably touch on a few things already mentioned, but here we go.
I think its fair to say, although your SO seemed to flip out on the panties, I can almost guarantee the panties were not really the issue. The panties are a small thing, on top of everything else that is going on.

Our wives see the person they married slipping away. Yes, I know we redefine ourselves every few years, we are never the same person we were when we were teenagers. We change slowly over time, as do everyone else around us. We never notice those changes in ourselves, we hardly even notice those changes in others. But, the changes we ( as a group ) are going through end up being much faster and much more noticeable. For some, a slight feminine look, a softening of the rough edges is enough to quell the feeling. For others ( I am looking in my mirror here ) they need more. As we change, we feel more content, but our wifes ( unless we are very very lucky ) tend to go the other way. She will see her MAN being stolen by another woman, the problem is that women is her MAN. She is in turmoil, she still loves you, but wants so much to hate the woman you are becoming. If your already in a volatile relationship, this is going to make things even worse. Some times the pink fog consumes us, it ends up being a full steam ahead, because the feeling we get looking at our feminine selves causes us so much calm, we end up missing all the danger signs from our wives, until its just a pair of panties that causes a melt down.

I don't believe you mentioned if you had showed you wife the makeover pictures or not, but I know from personal experience that although my wife picked out my first set of clothes, my underwear, my shoes, and suggested a lady to help me with my makeup, she still had a melt down the first time I went to my support meeting as Jannet. In her words, the person she married ceased to exist when she finally saw Jannet.

Can you put Sophia away ? I am sure you can manage quite well for a few weeks, maybe a few months, but there is a chance this will eat you away from the inside. What I would suggest is that you slow down, give your wife time to catch up with your changes. ( The old saying " its far easier to boil a frog if you start the water cold and slowly heat it up, than it is to just drop the frog in a pot of boiling water." Springs to mind )

Does this work for everybody ? I cannot answer that. Only you can judge how things are progressing in your life. I know at times going slow will feel like its too slow ( for you ) but your wife will think your still going too fast.

One thing to keep reminding yourself ( I have to do this all the time ) when you have a disagreement, what is it over ? If its over Sophia, you really have to give her a little traction on that, going into a full blown argument over Sophia is not going to help either you or her.

Will she leave you if you continue, will you be able to live with your self if you don't, those are only questions that can be answered with time. Its almost 3 years since I came out to my wife, just after our 25th anniversary, ( timing was never my strong point ) I was not expecting to last the week, but here we are. Will we stay together ? Its hard to say, but we will try and last as long as we can.

Keep thinking positive, things are never as bad as they first seem. If she really hated you that much then she would be gone already. Remember, no matter how far you eventually go, nothing says you have to present as Sophia full time.

One thought, Do your kids know about Sophia ? If not, you may want to consider how you are going to tell them. ( I told my teenage boys 18 months ago, I am still Dad to them )

I know you do not seem interested in a support group, but you do not have to join one as Sophia, there are a few in our group who show up in drab, not everybody is ready to show the world the person we feel inside.

If you need somebody to messenger with one on one, I can send you my face book email.

Hang on in there and keep thinking happy thoughts.

Thanks Jannet, you've been quite helpful and I appreciate it. I must say all this back and forth in my head is enough to drive a person insane. *sigh* Time, patience, happy thoughts... Repeat... Smile

I don't believe there is any undoing of the genie that has been let out of the bottle, if anything as time progresses, I want more. But I am riddled with guilt, it feels so selfish to want what I want. Then with society being so f'd up, and finding out just how narrow minded people can be I wonder if any of it is even worthwhile. I hear so much ridicule on the radio, and TV, and posts from "friends" on the antisocial network Facebook. Digging into those threads there are still sooooo many people that find TG, CD, GID, to be abnormal, somehow those are the deviants. When in reality they are just using that as a scape goat. Finding someone to put the blame on to give them what?? some sense of fulfillment in finding someone to blame??? Perhaps the path I am on is dangerous, it is re-awakening emotions and feelings I had long since shut out and suppressed. I am quite an emotional being and wore my heart on my sleeve completely exposed to the world, only to learn that there are those that would take advantage, and I would be left to be preyed upon. So I boxed everything up, which was an arduous task. Now it is all coming apart and I struggle at times to keep it all together.

I may have to seek help in local groups if I am to figure things out. While it may risk exposure that I am not ready for, it may provide answers that I need. So much to think about, so much to do.

Thank you Jannet for being such a dear and sharing your insight with me. It has given me a lot of think about. Cool
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#32

(29-05-2016, 10:54 PM)Stevenator Wrote:  Best of luck to you, fire.
Hang in there . . .

Thanks Stevenator, I am hanging in as best I can. Today has been a wonderful happy day. Blush
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#33

Quote:I may have to seek help in local groups if I am to figure things out. While it may risk exposure that I am not ready for, it may provide answers that I need.

Keep in mind, everybody in the group is just like you, no one is going to out you. Not if it means outing themselves.
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#34

(30-05-2016, 07:50 PM)jannet.duff Wrote:  
Quote:I may have to seek help in local groups if I am to figure things out. While it may risk exposure that I am not ready for, it may provide answers that I need.

Keep in mind, everybody in the group is just like you, no one is going to out you. Not if it means outing themselves.

so very true!
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#35

(29-05-2016, 11:35 PM)polymorphis Wrote:  OK, I think this reply is really too long Blush . Please, don't take it as an advice. Those are just my thoughts. Maybe some of them will help you...

Sofia, I wish you to find your real self and to find happiness!!!

*HUGS*

Poly

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means a lot to me that you took the time to write out such well thought out information to aid me in my time of confusion, frustration, and need. I did not find it too long at all, and did not take it as advice, but as information for me to digest and process. Thank you Poly!

I hope I can find my real self, I think it is coming clearer day by day, just have to wait it out and see.
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#36

(30-05-2016, 12:17 AM)Happyme Wrote:  There is a CD on the crosdressers.com blog that I really admire.
Her opening post is here:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?149851-I-told-my-wife!&p=2428087&highlight=#post2428087
This is where she tell her wife about her hobby.
If you follow some of her posts you'll see that she is very open about her feminine side and very private when it comes to her family.
At least from her posts and my private messages, she is doing really well at balancing both of these lives. there might be some inspiration in reading her threads.
If you have to join the CD.com, its worth it just to follow Jennifer.
The moderators are ruthless though. :-)

Bobbi

Ha ha ha, thanks Bobbi, not sure how well I can keep up with another forum, but it seems there might be some helpful information that can further aid me in my journey. Or at least help with some of my processes. Smile Thanks Bobbi, book marking the page so I don't lose it.

Actually, just opened it up and I think I came across it at one point or another. It seems vaguely and oddly familiar to me. Maybe I should read it more carefully this time around.
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#37

(30-05-2016, 12:46 AM)A Little Allelomorph Wrote:  Sophia dear,

sorry I have not had the time to reply, as I was down the campground.
when I saw your post I was saddened. I hope you can delve deep inside and draw the strength it takes to do what you feel is right. There is no perfect answer, no recipe that any one of us can give, other than sound advice or clips of our experience that may or may not work for you.

I know it is hard, not having someone close at hand that can comfort you or understand what it is you are going through, but I do urge you to try. We are here for you, we care and will be here to support you through your troubling times, as well as the good ones (lets hope there are more good than bad).

As with some people who are going through the feelings, trying to suppress them is usually the worst way to go. Finding the middle ground is sometimes the hard thing to find amongst all the ups and downs. It may be hard for her to understand your intimate feelings on this subject, as Jannet said, she may be seeing the "man" she married slip away, and that can be very hard to watch, almost as bad as watching someone wasting away to some terminal illness. However, suppressing it for someone else can be as equally detrimental. its like a slow pressure cooker, building up steam, only to eventually explode at the slightest touch.. You can reassure her that your love has not faded, but is perhaps changing as you are.

What is at stake in all of this, is you, your true happiness. only you can truly decide what it is you want and need for you. *hugs* .

just remember to breath, take a break, go for a walk to clear you head if you need to. If you feel that you are about to explode or say something that you may regret. Patience, as you said, is needed. Be sure to give her space too, if she needs it.

Happiness I thought was but a dream,
Only I was wrong, so it would seem,
My world of chaos is not just my own,
It appears that I am not alone.

Who knew that there were others,
Fellow sisters and fellow brothers,
Whose minds could meld as one,
And so the fun has just begun.

Thank you Tanya for your support, it means a great deal. I have much to think about and must weigh my decisions carefully. Just gotta tap into my core for guidance and patience I am sure the right decision will present itself.

Oh the above in Italics? Something that came to mind as I realized that I am not alone and just wanted to share. Cause sharing is caring. Big Grin
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#38

such a lovely poem Smile .

I see you are truly blossoming! *hugs* . In our own happiness, we find creativity, whether it be the arts or prose, or musical inclinations. our contentment and self exploration will lead to new avenues of discovery of self.

keep on girl Tongue keep on .. find you, find who you are. Smile the last unexplored universe, the universe of self.
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#39

Hi Sofia,

I see someone else is using their chosen name for their user id. I guess I changed mine because I was finally comfortable referring to myself as Megan but whatever the reason for yours congrats!

I emailed my mom last night about things, so today could be interesting at least I am at work all day so can ignore her until tonight. I am interested to see if my theory about whether she knew at the point I think she did is correct or not. I just felt in that second like she knew something was different with me and it has kind of played on my mind since.

Possibly like you I dont know where things will end up longer term but I do feel better about things now, and having this forum has been helpful in coming to terms with who I want to be at least internally if not externally as well.

Stay safe and stay strong!

Megan
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#40

(30-05-2016, 07:50 PM)jannet.duff Wrote:  
Quote:I may have to seek help in local groups if I am to figure things out. While it may risk exposure that I am not ready for, it may provide answers that I need.

Keep in mind, everybody in the group is just like you, no one is going to out you. Not if it means outing themselves.

I think the only glitch I see with a local group is finding the personal time to do so. Between work, and home, not a whole lot of free time. I now wonder if after I return home if all my progress will have been for not. The problem of an overactive mind, I think too much about the what ifs instead of just focusing on the now. And the now is I am happy. Smile
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