Shop for herbs and other supplements on Amazon


My story (apologies in advance for the length)

#1

I just posted this on r/asktransgender, trying to sort my feelings, memories, and fears about being transgender.

Figured I'd post it here.

I want to switch from herbs and supps to a medically assisted transition eventually, which means I'll likely need to get a letter from a gender therarpist confirming that I have gender dysmorphia. 

Here are my thoughts.

Hello, I am a 26 year old mtf transgendered person from the pacific northwest.
 
I have lived the past 25 years of my life as an asexual male, but this summer, the stars aligned, and I finally got the privacy and solitude I needed to explore my gender identity.
 
I have been fascinated and terrified by the way I feel about my gender for pretty much my whole life.
I have never really identified with the idea of masculinity. I never wanted to "be a man,' but I accepted it as the inevitable outcome of being born with xy chromosomes.
I have never been able to imagine myself as an adult male, or as a father.
 
At the same time, I've been curious about being female from a young age. I fantasized about waking up in a different body, living for a day as the other gender to see if it fit me better. I prayed and wished at every spiritual entity I could think of. Of course nothing happened, but I was still disappointed
 
These feelings weren't a huge part of my life, but they didn't really go away as I got older.
 
When I reached college age, I struggled with a lack of passion for what I was studying. I didn't care about succeeding in my education, I wasn't concerned with money or my future, I really only wanted some space from my parents so I could make my own decisions about my life.
Anyway, as I sat in my room alone last summer, I really felt the gravity of the situation I was in. I knew that I really really wanted to be more feminine, to get a chance to experience things I’d missed out on because of 25 years of fear. I felt a wrenching in my gut, the same feeling I got before I rode a roller coaster for the first time. The same feeling I had before I stepped out on stage for the first time.
And in that moment I knew.
If I don’t do something about this now, I will regret it forever.
It has been about four months since then, and I’ve spent about two of them so far attempting to transition using supplements and herbs. I have been getting some results, most noticably, my hair (which is 2 feet long and was starting to shed alarmingly quickly) began to shed at a normal rate.
I’m concerned with my future though, and at some point I want to switch to a medically assisted transition, especially since, when my health insurance comes through, I can get HRT for free.
The one roadblock is the required letter I’m supposed to get from a gender therapist. I’ve looked into informed consent clinics, but information about ones in my area is scarse.
Honestly, I’m a little terrified of being invalidated by a gender therapist. My problem is that I see my desire to transition as a positive one. Besides my genitals and body hair, I don’t hate my body. I’m gradually warming up to the idea of having breasts, but what I have so far still feels a little foreign to me.
I’m also not offended easily, and I’m still not really used to having female pronouns applied to myself, nor have I asked anyone to start using them on me, although I would appreciate it.


I really do want to transition, but from a skeptical standpoint (which I imagine a typical person performing a GID evaluation would have) I just don’t know if I hold water.
“Where’s the crippling distress?” they might ask, or “why is this a medical necessity?”
I’m just not sure how I can answer those questions. I’m an honest person, and it kills me to lie. I just don’t feel like I am fully female inside. I haven’t “earned it”
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this wall of text, thank you.
I’m really want to believe that my struggles are normal, that I have nothing to worry about and should just go to a gender therapist already.
Best case scenario: I get a friend and a letter
Reply
#2

Hello Th3saurus,

Based on what I've heard and my own dealing with therapists (concerning depression), I don't think the intent of therapists is to confirm or deny a particular diagnosis.  Rather, therapists will try to help you better understand what's bothering you and what you can do to improve your situation.  You don't have to be in crippling distress to benefit from talking to a therapist.  If you do decide to go to a therapist, I suggest going with an open mind.
Reply
#3

Hi

You could pass very easily

If you have had intense feelings from that age I think you should transition yes before too late and your life becomes structured

It never goes away

Go see therapist hon

Julie
Reply
#4

I can atest to those feelings, I have also struggled with them from a very ealy age, now in my 50's it never went away.

In my mind the younger you are, the better you are going to look and pass. Of course having your own hair is a massive bonus.

No one here is a gender therapist, all we can do is give you a view of our own life experiences. 

At 50+ I did not expect to be taken seriously by my gender therapist, I never thought I "filled" the right boxes to get prescribed hormones, never mind recommend SRS on my records. 

Those feeling of doubt your having are normal, I occasionly have them, some of the older girls in my transgender group have them.

I suspect if you take herbs for 6 - 12 months or so then take a little time off, that will tell you all you need to know without a therapist. PM offered me piece I had not felt in a long time it starts slow, so slow you never even realize it's happening, but whenever I took a break from the herbs, as the PM started to be depleted, my GD came back with a force so strong I was contemplating suicide. 

I always felt I was not showing people the real me, they just saw my shell, my front, that I hold in front of myself to be accepted as one of them. I never felt male, and never tried to be an Alpha male in any situation.

Hava you tried to find a transgender support group in your area ?? You don't have to go as your true self to be accepted. But what they will be able to offer is resources and a real eye to eye person to discuss your situation with.

I speak from experience, this feeling is not going away.
Reply
#5

Well said Janet.

I often wonder what would have happened if the things that are available today were there when I was in my twenties..... Rolleyes
Reply
#6

Thanks for your encouragement everyone, it means a lot to me.

I'm actually looking into finding a support group right now. The only one I've found so far may only be open to university students. I'm hoping, if I'm allowed in, that I'll be able to get some more advice on who to talk to and what my prospects are like in the town I live.

If I can't find a support group, I may just bite the bullet and schedule an appointment with a gender therapist in a more blind fashion.

Obviously this is going to take some time, and I'm still waiting on my insurance application to clear, so I guess things won't be moving too quickly
Reply
#7

Here is a story of Tasha,
http://www.breastnexum.com/showthread.php?tid=24585

If you read this thread, and follow her other posts, you will find a beautiful young woman that started out with similar dilemmas as you, and many of us for that matter.
Having a chat with a therapist is a real good idea.
Bobbi
Reply
#8

You should definitely go to your university LGBT group. They will have all the information you will need to know about public Trangender groups in your area (which will have even more info).  To make it easier on yourself ask for the person in charge of the group it is usually a professor and they will most definitely try to help you out if they can. It might also help if you say that you are a student i don't know.  

Also your story is very close to mine, though I'm not asexual but I am 26. I haven't yet seen a therapist but i have been going to a local TG group for about a month, they are older females than me but i love hearing their incite. And damn they have a ton of info about everything in the area really encourage it.  And something i also realized going there is that my gender dysphoria only has been getting worse each passing day. so yay im on the right track.
Reply
#9

(25-09-2016, 02:17 PM)Th3saurus Wrote:  Thanks for your encouragement everyone, it means a lot to me.

I'm actually looking into finding a support group right now. The only one I've found so far may only be open to university students. I'm hoping, if I'm allowed in, that I'll be able to get some more advice on who to talk to and what my prospects are like in the town I live.

If I can't find a support group, I may just bite the bullet and schedule an appointment with a gender therapist in a more blind fashion.

Obviously this is going to take some time, and I'm still waiting on my insurance application to clear, so I guess things won't be moving too quickly

I'm in the same boat in regards to finding a local support group.  Seems the support groups I have found are geared towards youths and parents.  I still haven't tried calling to see if perhaps there are alternatives, but I feel more so now than ever, I may need to do so.

Usually searching online you should be able to find gender friendly doctors, I know I was able to find a whole slew of them when I searched.  But I am not ready for that.  I hope you're able to find what you are looking for and get you on the right path.  Best of luck!
Reply
#10

I actually think I may have found a trans friendly nurse practitioner in my area. His profile says that his specialties include "primary care for trans individuals"

I scheduled an appointment with him today for a few weeks from now. My goal for the appointment is to talk to him about my desire to transition under medical supervision and figure out the steps I need to take to start HRT.

I'm not sure exactly what to expect from him and the clinic, but some information said they might be informed consent.


I'm encouraged though, because there was a box on the patient registration form for gender marked "mtf."

I marked it heartily.

I'm so excited!
Reply



Shop for herbs and other supplements on Amazon





Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)


Shop for herbs and other supplements on Amazon

Breast Nexum is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.


Cookie Policy   Privacy Policy