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Some days I do not know wether I am coming or going. I am sure like me, most of us gurls here only tell our wives just enough to keep up with what's going on, but try not to tell so much that we frighten them off completely.
Well, every now and then my wife and I have a discusion about me being transgender, and it normally begins with how 30+ years ago I never gave her the chance to decide if this marriage was for her, and how I trapped her. Typickly from there it goes down hill enough that I really don't want to open my mouth in case I use my outside voice instead of the one that's in my head. She doesn't like any of my transgender friends, and feels like I am leaving her on the sideline by not including her or informing her of what I am doing in my life now.
On top of all this she feels beceause of her weight and age the chance of her finding another life partner are slim, so without actually saying it, I am being told I have left this just long enough to trap her again.
She has mentioned she loves "him" but dispises Jannet.
Last week the Dr approved her for gastric bypass, so the weight issue is obviously not going to be an issue. I have told her I will support her for the surgery beceause her health is important to me. But, I will be honest ( and I did tell her ) in the back of my mind, this is just another nail in the coffin lid on our marrage. She says no, but I have to be realistic, she already feels I trapped her, once she feels I can be replaced, why would she stay?
Whilst I am not in that frame of mind I can see why so many people commit suicide. Some days the pain and suffering we put ourselvs through is too much to take.
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Oh Jannet,
I so sorry for you, I was hoping that things were all going swimmingly with you and the wife.
All I can tell you is that you have to make yourself HAPPY. You cannot force anyone to be happy except yourself.
Focus on your happiness and what ever that gives you.
Focus on you being happy and someone that loves you will be happy too. Leave out the details of who that might be, and just know that if you really want to be happy, you will, and who will show up, or she might just see the real and complex you as the person she married.
People have a bad habit of trying to blame others for their problems, so dont take her rants as the end all. She is probably frustrated with her weight, and your a convenient punching bag.
Maybe tell her how it hurts when she attacks you.
Huggs
Bobbi
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(24-10-2016, 05:34 PM)jannet.duff Wrote: Some days I do not know wether I am coming or going. I am sure like me, most of us gurls here only tell our wives just enough to keep up with what's going on, but try not to tell so much that we frighten them off completely.
Well, every now and then my wife and I have a discusion about me being transgender, and it normally begins with how 30+ years ago I never gave her the chance to decide if this marriage was for her, and how I trapped her. Typickly from there it goes down hill enough that I really don't want to open my mouth in case I use my outside voice instead of the one that's in my head. She doesn't like any of my transgender friends, and feels like I am leaving her on the sideline by not including her or informing her of what I am doing in my life now.
On top of all this she feels beceause of her weight and age the chance of her finding another life partner are slim, so without actually saying it, I am being told I have left this just long enough to trap her again.
She has mentioned she loves "him" but dispises Jannet.
Last week the Dr approved her for gastric bypass, so the weight issue is obviously not going to be an issue. I have told her I will support her for the surgery beceause her health is important to me. But, I will be honest ( and I did tell her ) in the back of my mind, this is just another nail in the coffin lid on our marrage. She says no, but I have to be realistic, she already feels I trapped her, once she feels I can be replaced, why would she stay?
Whilst I am not in that frame of mind I can see why so many people commit suicide. Some days the pain and suffering we put ourselvs through is too much to take.
********
I feel you on this one. I'm going through a divorce with my husband of 16 years but different reason. He also felt like I was abandoning him. But in the end..I went through the last 10 years in a loveless (not the same kind of love as when we met) and fruitless relationship. Leaving was a hard, hard decision but I wanted to be happy again with someone or be happy on my own rediscovering me. I was not able to do that all these years as we met when I started my transition never able to learn who I was in my new role. So, it is painful, it is loss, but in order to find happiness, we often have to go through these trials and tribulations. Sorry to hear you are having trouble but hope you find a good resolution.
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Brutal honesty forthcoming...
I do not know a single relationship that has survived the same after a gastric bypass except one. My experiences are that the bypass changes how one feels about themselves and those changes are forced upon the other party which never works well. This could be related to sex, health, loss of attractiveness, health issues after the bypass or financial. It has run the whole gamut.
The relationship that is still together is an open relationship. They are both comfortable with each other but both free to do as they please, and they both exercise their pleasures.
I hope this doesn't go this way for you. Good luck.
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(25-10-2016, 02:53 AM)MrEricka Wrote: Brutal honesty forthcoming...
I do not know a single relationship that has survived the same after a gastric bypass except one. My experiences are that the bypass changes how one feels about themselves and those changes are forced upon the other party which never works well. This could be related to sex, health, loss of attractiveness, health issues after the bypass or financial. It has run the whole gamut.
The relationship that is still together is an open relationship. They are both comfortable with each other but both free to do as they please, and they both exercise their pleasures.
I hope this doesn't go this way for you. Good luck.
85% of people whom undergo gastric bypass surgery leave their spouse in 2 years.
Given the high divorce rate of just being transgender, one does not have high hopes.
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Oh Jannet, I'm sorry things seem to be a bit bleak. What happens, happens, so much is not always in our immediate control. Whatever happens, I pray you have the strength to continue on and be happy no matter what. I pray you have the strength to accept the possibility of tomorrow, but the discipline to not worry about it now, and process it if it ever comes to be. Enjoy the now, what you have, give her a reason to love all of you. if it isn't enough ... then sadly it is her loss. I know it may sound odd coming from me, given my own situation, but mine stems a bit deeper in that my children are still so little, a woman scorned is not one to be trifled with, and I fear she'd use that against me. Anyways, live for the now and enjoy what you have while you have it. Hell, tomorrow the world could end, and you'd spent you're last day worrying for nothing. hugs
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Oh, I agree with all the replys. Thanks so much for your inputs and kind words. It seems things will be out of my control, and what will be will be. In reality, when and if it all falls apart it's going to be a year or more before I need to worry about stuff. Non of us even know what the next year will bring to begin with, never mind anything else on top.
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I'm so sorry that you are having to go through all of this.
It's strange how something that is just meant to make someone healthier can cause such catastrophic problems.
Maybe if you can support your wife through this, your bond with her will grow instead of wither. After all, she's not getting a bypass so she can escape you, but so she can get better.
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Janet,
Something to consider from the "guy game" side, keep improving yourself. Regardless of what the future brings, being the best YOU you can be is always the right choice.
Now, admittedly, the improvements on you may not make her want to be your wife more.... But there's still the possibilities of friends, even lovers, even after transition. Don't know how exotic you might go, but lots of options can be foud with Google and a devious mind.
Where do you want to go factors into it, too. I wouldn't ever suggest someone stay and be miserable. Its unfair to both sides.
I'd also take a detour here... Gastric bypass don't mean %%=\ if she doesn't bust rear to lost the weight. If you have the capacity to meet bypass surgery, look into the Velocity diet as a dry run. Talk her into it, it's important she learn how to handle that sort of eating... Because as I understand, the surgery is irreversible. She might realise she wants real food more... Velocity is only .want to be 4 weeks. I've lost a grand total of.... 5 pounds. This is week 4. And I was losing nothing until I started daily exercise as well. As far as snacking? Not much. Week 3 end, we had a cheat day. Burgers were good... The woman, currently doing PT for a torn meniscus, has lost about 10 pounds the whole three weeks and counting. But, she's doing better eating, and that was my goal with her.
Next step is a ketogenic diet 5 Days a Week, and a healthy re-feed day one day as week. Hopefully some exercise, but with her knee, we'll see.
Establishing the habits will help bring you together, and maybe take her off the surgery option. If nothing else, you can go looking for men together, even if you're not interested. ;-) Be a good wing-girl, right? ;-)
Options to consider, that's all.
Hoping for the best for you,
-Dianna
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(25-10-2016, 02:53 AM)MrEricka Wrote: Brutal honesty forthcoming...
I do not know a single relationship that has survived the same after a gastric bypass except one. My experiences are that the bypass changes how one feels about themselves and those changes are forced upon the other party which never works well. This could be related to sex, health, loss of attractiveness, health issues after the bypass or financial. It has run the whole gamut.
The relationship that is still together is an open relationship. They are both comfortable with each other but both free to do as they please, and they both exercise their pleasures.
I hope this doesn't go this way for you. Good luck.
My 1st wife got a gastric sleeve then a bypass. Yes we got divorced. She left me. But I am so much happier with my brand new wifey Sexy Amy.
