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I went out, as ME!

#1

Something`s changed, something I can`t exactly explain, but its a bit like Strength though not in any Male understanding of the word.
I noticed it when I started taking Estrogen based substances and really noticed it when I went on HRT, I`m really Not the same person I was when I started any of this.
I`d noticed that I began to care less and less what people thought of me as being feminine, I began taking what I back then would have considered "Risks".
Maybe a little make up on, or jewelry, or a Bra that was clearly visible under my t-shirt each time that I went out, perhaps I carried myself in a more feminine way or styled my hair in a clearly Female fashion.
Lots of little "risks". I began to get "brave" and combine these at times and still no backlash or even strange looks, my new attitude was paying off!?

well Today, for the first time Ever I went out as Katie walked a whole block to the post office, took my money out and walked home!
I`v been out to an LGBT group with MeganJ last week, but it`s almost a false setting for a true test.
I live right in the middle of town and it`s a Rough area! but no one looked twice! and I was actively looking for just that, but Nothing!?

It would Seem at least that I "pass", but the most wonderfull thing about the whole excersize was that I did it without prompting, without any real Fear, with this new "strength" that I mentioned above.
I have no idea what`s happening to me!???

have I gone completely Crazy and the hormones screwed my brain up?  have I got a death wish I know nothing about? is this all perfectly "Normal" and no ones bothered to me about it, is it something that`s known but never spoken of? (so I`m probably breaking a rule right now, LOL)

for clarity sakes I`ll talk in the third person here, it feels like "she" has gotten stronger, like Iv walked through a door, turned around and the door has vanished now. can hormones give you Confidence? I`d find that hard to beleive.
I have No male defenses up any longer and haven`t for some time now, I have no known defenses at all any more nor the "protection" of testosterone, and yet I feel more confident and strong than I Ever did as "Him"?
I don`t recognise myself anymore, but I like the person I`m becoming (not in a Vain way).
can HRT Really be responsible for this?

and where will it lead me next?

and this isnt a Negative post by any means, I`m loving every second of this journey, it`s Truly magical! Smile
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#2

someone mentined that it might be nice to include How this situation came about in the first place so here`s part 2 if you will.

It wasn`t Planned! I didn`t wake up this morning knowing I was going to do this, rather the morning started off just exactly as any other morning really.
I wake up, put the coffee on, check the news whilst thats making, take my hormones with my coffee, get washed and dressed, electric shave, face cleanser then makeup on.

I got to the putting on makeup bit, more exactly the putting on eyeliner bit, when my wife points out that we have to go to the post office today, I`m like "oh sh!t, now you tell me".
I put down the eyelineras its the second last thing I put on anyway and grab another coffee.

I have 2 choices in my eyes, 1) I can take the whole lot off and force myself to goas "Him", OR (and I cant` beleive I even had this thought!) I can finish my makeup and go as myself.

I deliberate for a few mins over a hot coffee when my wife (not long back from hospital) says "don`t worry about it, I`ll go", Im like the hell you will!

I grab my coat and brand new lilac umberella that hadnt been used yet,  touched up lipstick as my coffee cup was wearing nost of it, and walked out the front door! Big Grin

I did actually walk past someone that I knew but they never recognised me, and it was so very very "Normal".

I came back to a High-5 and a Well Done, I did a curtsy and dropped the money on the bed with a big grin. 

The End.











or is it!?  Smile
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#3

Can hormones give you confidence?

I sure think so! For me it has been amazing having my body respond and confirm me in ways that it never could without them.

Taking herbs gave me confidence to be on HRT. Being on HRT gave me the nerve to come out to my family. Coming out to my family made discussing my real gender with others seem easy.

Was it the hormones that gave me confidence? Probably not directly. But they were an important part of a long chain of things that are leading me too a place where I can be fully confident.b
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#4

Hi Katie,
HRT might be giving you some extra confidence, because you look very passable.
But your stating what I have found. I'm only on NBE, but I enjoy sneaking up on the envelope, so to speak.
My wardrobe every day is made up of womens clothes. My shorts are short womens shorts, which the wife mentions on a regular basis are too short, but I wear them and rarely do I get a glance. My hair is shoulder length, and mostly in a pony tail, since it has a mind of its own.
I always wear mascara, and lipstick, and do my best to have that feminine mind set when I go out.
Over my journey so far, I've had the MOST success, with being mam'ed, when I put on my happy face and focus on letting the woman inside take over.
Even though my voice pops the bubble, I love doing my best to perfect the woman thing.
If I believe it and accept it, Life is perfect, and gets better all the time.

Congrats too by the way,
WOOOO Hoooo

Bobbi
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#5

Great job Katie.  That is where I am hoping to get...  Have the guts/nerve in full femme.  Right now, I go out with light makeup on and a lipstick that just a tad brighten the lips.  Kind of "unisex" mode.  But would love to go out full femme when the desire or need arises.  Congrats.  If that is what HRT does for a person.....  I am now really looking forward to my next session with the GD .
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#6

I`m sure it`s got to be the HRT, I don`t even recognise myself anymore, I`m not the same person I was when I set out on this journey some 11+ months ago now, but it`s the ineffable qualities that seem to be doing the "trick", nothing specific I can put my finger on at all.

as for voice that`s One thing I haven`t considered at all yet, although I seem to get by ok? it`s either I sound more female than I thought, or people are a Lot more forgiving than I thought?
I supose it was probably a bit silly to take that risk without looking at All the variables and potentials for outing myself as trans.

See, I would have Never have done that before, it would have been unthinkable, Id have Lists of all possible outcomes and a plan  B, C,D,E and Run! and full route plotting, tme indexing, the whole 9 yards. but I just did it without a thought like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I DO Know that from now on, Any male mode i`m forced to do Must be as seperate and delineated from my normal mode as much as possible so as to avoid recognition now.
it`s bad enough having both walk into the same front door, but I can`t simply do Fem and Ando now as my options, I must go Me or Full male, no andro stuff anymore, that really Would be asking for trouble! Sad
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#7

Makes sense to me...  Going out in public in mixed attitude and attire seems to be the way to have to fight or flight..  I think the world is slowly changing for the better.  Even President Elect Trump had a good strong part of his speech on accepting the nomination about the horrible nature that LGBT's face from outright discrimination to being murdered as in the club massacre.  And if the new head of the Republican Party says that to a standing ovation.....  then you know things are a changing.

I am trying to get to the point, myself, where I feel free to move in both worlds w/out drawing unwanted attention.  But I know, that I can not give mixed signals either way.  Bravo to you for having the courage just to "strut your stuff" in a non belligerent fashion!   Big Grin
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#8

Going out and interacting as your self is an awesome feeling, I do think the longer we are on NBE or HRT we seem to get more and more fuck it moments..

I personally think if your lucky enough to still have your own hair, you will find even less is going to hold you back.
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#9

Oh my gosh Jannet, katie's hair is actually really, really nice. I think I'm a bit jealous, and you've seen my locks.
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#10

Katie- congratulations.
I think you have already figured it out.  When you said "and go as myself", you hit the nail on the head.  You know who you are, and it shows through.  You may find that whether you go in fem, or attempt "guy mode", more and more the real you shines through.  I have gotten more and more "ma'am"s, even when attempting "male" mode.  While it is thrilling, it is also instructive- the real  you shines through, regardless of makeup or clothes.  Be who you are and not only will others accept you, you will accept you too.  I am so excited to follow your progress-you go girl!
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