29-12-2016, 05:03 PM
Hi all. I know that this may be better suited for the Introduction board, but I feel that I would rather have this posted here as I start this journey.
A little about me and how I got here. I';m in my mid-30s, and have for most of my life identified as a Male, at least up to about 8 or 9 years ago, when I began to explore in passing my feminine self. At first I tried Nature Day cream and pills, but would take them for a few weeks or maybe a month, and then be like WTF am I doing? Why am I doing this? I would explore crossdressing on and off, and have purge many different forms and bras over the years. It settled down I stopped taking herbals when I met my wife and dressing pretty much ceased about 5 years ago after I got married and my wife found something in my work bag, which I lied about. And we were happy for 4 years, and had an amazing little girl a few years ago. I have low testosterone. My last baseline results are as follows, since a lot of people like to ask about that kind of stuff:
Component Your Value Standard Range
TESTOSTERONE 194 ng/dL 249 - 836 ng/dL
SEX HORM. BIND. GLOB. 21 nmol/L 13 - 71 nmol/L
FREE TESTOSTERONE 4.49 ng/dL 6.16 - 19.40 ng/dL
PERCENT FREE TESTO 2.31 % 1.22 - 2.81 %
Last Fall my wife and I began to have problems, or rather she began to share how unhappy she was, which made things between us worse for a while, but out in the open. I began to experiment with PM for a month or so, and again said to myself, WTF am I doing and WHY? So I stopped. for most of the spring and summer. Buit again at somepoint, I decided to order Some Swanson's BO, which I didn't take for a while. But sometime around the middle of October, I decided to or wokred up the nerve to try it. I started small, with only 500mg/day, 1x/day. I did that for about 2 weeks, before one day while I was out, she found it in my work bag again, and confronted me about it when I came home. This time I didn't lie about it, and things went to shit from there. She feels betrayed, and that I have lied to her our entire relationship. Can't say that I blame her. She has since moved out and has made it clear that I am no longer the right mate for her. After I confessed to her whatI was doing, I started seeing a Therapist, who has been very helpful so far, and I have seen them at least once a week for nearly two months now. I have discussed with them, why I started 8 years ago, why I lied to my wife 5 years ago, and why I started agian this past year and a great deal many other things.
This biggie was today's doctor visit though. after several session with my Therapist, we discussed going to the local TG Clinic and speaking with the doctor's there so I set up an appointment for this morning. I have to admit I was both looking forward to it,. and talking to them about starting HRT, and also dreading it. I almost didn't go. But ultimately my Therapist and I agreed, that if starting down this road will help me get a better sense of who I am, then it is the right thing to do. For the longest time I have wanted to have feminine breasts, and was comfortable being male, but something had changed since I found out I had low T, and couldn't have children naturally. my other doctor's don't know what has caused my infertility, or low T levels, and all my other genetic tests have come back normal.
But anyway, I left my house about 30 minutes later than I had intended to this morning, and was stressing most of the way to my GD worried that I was going to be late and miss my appointment, but my GPS came to the rescue and got me there 30 minutes early. Once I got into the waiting room and more so when I went in to see the Doctor, I was much more relaxed and comfortable with my decision to start this process. This first meeting was more to go over my medical history, much like you would with any other Primary Care Physician. We did briefly discuss how I go to this point/decision, and went over the Informed consent process and briefly discussed the contents of the informed Consent form. My GD gave me a copy to take home to read and digest. I've read it a couple times now, and will read it several more I'm sure before my next appointment in a couple of weeks. I still can't believe or get over h ow comfortable I was. It almost feels reassuring, or re-affirming to me a bout my decision and where I am at right now.
My next appointment is in 2 weeks on the 12th. At that appointment my GD said we will go over the Informed Consent Form in detail and both sign it. They will also do some lab work and some other physical type base line stuff, listen to my heart and lungs and the like.
I'm still both nervous and scared, but also very excited and looking forward to this journey, even if my wife has said things are over between us. That has been the hardest part of all of this. I still love and care for her deeply and it hurts me more than any gender dysphoria that I have hurt her this way.
A little about me and how I got here. I';m in my mid-30s, and have for most of my life identified as a Male, at least up to about 8 or 9 years ago, when I began to explore in passing my feminine self. At first I tried Nature Day cream and pills, but would take them for a few weeks or maybe a month, and then be like WTF am I doing? Why am I doing this? I would explore crossdressing on and off, and have purge many different forms and bras over the years. It settled down I stopped taking herbals when I met my wife and dressing pretty much ceased about 5 years ago after I got married and my wife found something in my work bag, which I lied about. And we were happy for 4 years, and had an amazing little girl a few years ago. I have low testosterone. My last baseline results are as follows, since a lot of people like to ask about that kind of stuff:
Component Your Value Standard Range
TESTOSTERONE 194 ng/dL 249 - 836 ng/dL
SEX HORM. BIND. GLOB. 21 nmol/L 13 - 71 nmol/L
FREE TESTOSTERONE 4.49 ng/dL 6.16 - 19.40 ng/dL
PERCENT FREE TESTO 2.31 % 1.22 - 2.81 %
Last Fall my wife and I began to have problems, or rather she began to share how unhappy she was, which made things between us worse for a while, but out in the open. I began to experiment with PM for a month or so, and again said to myself, WTF am I doing and WHY? So I stopped. for most of the spring and summer. Buit again at somepoint, I decided to order Some Swanson's BO, which I didn't take for a while. But sometime around the middle of October, I decided to or wokred up the nerve to try it. I started small, with only 500mg/day, 1x/day. I did that for about 2 weeks, before one day while I was out, she found it in my work bag again, and confronted me about it when I came home. This time I didn't lie about it, and things went to shit from there. She feels betrayed, and that I have lied to her our entire relationship. Can't say that I blame her. She has since moved out and has made it clear that I am no longer the right mate for her. After I confessed to her whatI was doing, I started seeing a Therapist, who has been very helpful so far, and I have seen them at least once a week for nearly two months now. I have discussed with them, why I started 8 years ago, why I lied to my wife 5 years ago, and why I started agian this past year and a great deal many other things.
This biggie was today's doctor visit though. after several session with my Therapist, we discussed going to the local TG Clinic and speaking with the doctor's there so I set up an appointment for this morning. I have to admit I was both looking forward to it,. and talking to them about starting HRT, and also dreading it. I almost didn't go. But ultimately my Therapist and I agreed, that if starting down this road will help me get a better sense of who I am, then it is the right thing to do. For the longest time I have wanted to have feminine breasts, and was comfortable being male, but something had changed since I found out I had low T, and couldn't have children naturally. my other doctor's don't know what has caused my infertility, or low T levels, and all my other genetic tests have come back normal.
But anyway, I left my house about 30 minutes later than I had intended to this morning, and was stressing most of the way to my GD worried that I was going to be late and miss my appointment, but my GPS came to the rescue and got me there 30 minutes early. Once I got into the waiting room and more so when I went in to see the Doctor, I was much more relaxed and comfortable with my decision to start this process. This first meeting was more to go over my medical history, much like you would with any other Primary Care Physician. We did briefly discuss how I go to this point/decision, and went over the Informed consent process and briefly discussed the contents of the informed Consent form. My GD gave me a copy to take home to read and digest. I've read it a couple times now, and will read it several more I'm sure before my next appointment in a couple of weeks. I still can't believe or get over h ow comfortable I was. It almost feels reassuring, or re-affirming to me a bout my decision and where I am at right now.
My next appointment is in 2 weeks on the 12th. At that appointment my GD said we will go over the Informed Consent Form in detail and both sign it. They will also do some lab work and some other physical type base line stuff, listen to my heart and lungs and the like.
I'm still both nervous and scared, but also very excited and looking forward to this journey, even if my wife has said things are over between us. That has been the hardest part of all of this. I still love and care for her deeply and it hurts me more than any gender dysphoria that I have hurt her this way.