[Myranda]

Ummmm well this is interesting 

...

Yes without doubt hrt makes me feel normal, but now I feel as if I'm missing something and looking for Julie 

Julie

Julie,  I'm a bit confused by your last statement here.  If you feel normal, then why do you feel as if you are missing something?   I would think that the opposite would be true, if you feel you are missing something, then you are not feeling normal.  The rest of the "normal" things you mentioned at the top of the above quote makes sense, if that has been how you felt your entire/most of you life; i.e grumpy and ready to hump anything....

But one might say/think that constantly being/feeling grumpy and ready to hump anything may not be "normal" either.

[Katie]

Jullie, I have to ask, but what do think being female feels like?

Hint:  it feels Normal!


what you`re looking for isn`t missing and hormones didn`t make it go away, She is still You and within you, part of transition (a Big part actually) is the Acceptance of this, the feeling free to let her out, it can involve an active deliberate effort but mostly it`s an organic natural thing, but there will be some work involved!
letting go of expectations, going with the flow and relaxing into it will be helpful, try to avoid overthinking it or trying to control it, both of which are masculine traits, whereas going with the flow is much more feminine mindset.


also you have to remember that when you start stuff like this our own bodies will try to seek balance again, and often this is done by Up-regulating T and frequently it overshoots the mark for a while before it settles, so that`s worth taking into account too. xx

[julieTG]

LOL

normal

well I have a very obsessive mind and it has to be running at full tilt all the time and always obsessing about something

which is usually gender thoughts so

now the gender thoughts have switched off its , quiet, Im not used to quiet ?

so hence normal mind for most, but not too me


Julie

x

[julieTG]

Katie

could be ?

x

Julie
x

[Katie]

Having gendered thoughts so often isn`t actually Normal hun, it`s what we get Used to, sure! but it`s not "Normal"  

another thing that some can fall into the trap of, is to think that Women feel a certain way, either in themselves or about the clothes they wear etc...
the truth is they don`t feel anytjing really, its just Normal feelings, there rarely a genderised idea attached, it`s more of just a knowing. sometimes our dysphoria can Project ideas onto women that simple aren`t there in reality, we don`t really feel anything about wearing a bra or knickers anymore than we feel about our socks! in fact bra`s are a bit of a drag sometimes, and rarely something to look forwards to putting on, same with stocking or tights (yuck).
this is not the idea a dysphoric male bodied person has though, but the Truth is, there nothing there in reality to actually feel, it`s the releif of the dysphoria that feels nice.
a bit like a smoker adicted to cigarettes, they don`t enjoy the cigarettes as such, but rather the releif of the withdrawl effects when they Don`t have one (or go a long time without).
this may be different for people with a clothes fetish though? I have no idea.


I`m on the right dose of HRT, and I`m not aware of any "girl feelings" at all, I just feel like me, gendered feelings rarely even feature in my life now, I`m a woman because I am, I don`t know how I know, I just do and it`s not because of any regular feelings I have, it`s just something you Know.

I hope that makes some kind of sense, it`s a hard thing to word really. xx

[julieTG]

Hi
yes agreed

I dont feel girlie at all today, just well here,

no excitement at girl things, no thrill, no well nothing,

many have said


hrt calms you down, well it certainly has now,

the only thing I can think is the increased dose has dropped the T or the E level now has fed the

starving receptors,

whereas before perhaps the amounts were too small and the small level was teasing me ,

its an odd one

Julie

x

[Katie]

I`m really pleased you`ve found a dose that seems to be working for you!

Personally I`d stick at this point now, and consider it a working solution, no further action required. You`ve probably reached or are very close to your transquilibrium. xx

And I do realise that you have recently bought new clothes, but if you don`t need to wear them, don`t, it`s not a waste of money because in the Long term it`s saved you £1000`s, I`d pay a couple 100 to save 1000`s all day long!  

Long may you continue this way!  ❤️ HUGS ❤️

[julieTG]

Lol
Transqullibrium I love that word

My wife only said the other day

You now have more female shirts than male ?

Then tonight we discussed birthday presents, I said cannot think of anything 

She said not too worry she has bought for my alternative persona ie Julie

Eeeek

Julie 
X

[Katie]

Hmmm...

That`s a tough one, you really need to follow your heart!

I`v said many times that if you can live Without transitioning, then do it, find your balance (transquilibrium) ad stay there, don`t transition unless you Have To.
Now you have a way to acheive that balance, I kinda envy that! as an almost fully transitioned TS I can`t imagine anyone Not wanting to fully transition, and I really admire those that can find that balance and live there, for me that`s just an impossible dream, i Have To go all the way and hope that the end will be enough (I think it will in my case), but if I could have just taken a limited dose of E and been "cured" I would have taken it in a heartbeat!

maybe you tell your wife were you`re at,  and see what she says? or you could lower the E and get your dysphoria back and play about fence hopping ( but I think that`s probably dangerous and asking for trouble).

Q: how do you feel now you know you have a way to fix it? does that make you happy or sad?

[julieTG]

Ooooooh 
You ask me those questions after
1 lager and 3 wines 

Yes basically twin worlds are good for me

When I hit the sweet spot it's a super high

The seesaw balance is exhausting 

I envy you ? You envy me ?

Your in the no problem Space all the gd anguish is over 

I have this battle for the rest of my life , envious of people like you ?

I am not trans enough to flip the fence , you have, you are at peace 

X

Julie