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MIND FRACTURING

#11

(01-12-2017, 06:50 PM)Katie Wrote:  I`v been debating whether to share this here or not, as it`s Very personal, but as an excersize in Authenticity and Humility I decided that it`s worth it, as it May help someone else.


For me the Fracturing was a real thing, I had what could best be described as a nervous breakdown, after a booze
session (one of many I might add) my personality litteraly Split, there was Him and Her in one body, and Both
would take turns talking. i`d noticed in the run-up to this that there was often an internal dialogue between the
2 "sides" of this body. apparently, during one of his rants "he" had snarled "Shes going to chop my ****`s off and
kill me!". I have no recollection of this at all, and only know of it because my wife told me, and that when he
was drinking I couldn`t come through, "it shuts that F*****g B***h up!", oh yeah, and "if she`s allowed out, she`s going to get us both killed".

charming! LOL

Towards the end, a sort of awkward truce was arrived at, I would be allowed 1 year to take over and see what sort
of a mess I make of it and thus prove his point. "he" would back away and leave me to it entirely, and there would
be no chance of "him" bailing me out if I got into trouble!
Me... I said "deal!" Cool

That was 2 years ago, and I`m still here!!!
what`s more is that He`s Not here, I can`t access him if I tried, he`s just Gone (in as much as he was ever really there?). it was like walking through a door and turning around and there door isn`t there anymore. And I`v never been happier in my entire life, a re-occuring nightmare that I`v had ever since I was little has also stopped!

I still have the note/letter he left me the last time he was here, and that`s the only real thing I have to Show that it was all real, that and what my wife tells me. it was like waking up from a Spell, and Now I`m Finally Free Big Grin



It was certainly by far the most dramatic part of the entire healing process, but that survival mode and all those fears made manifest no longer have a place and don`t serve me anymore, and I`m pleased to say there`s only One voice now!

xx

Wow, I could have written most of that.........definitely a before point and an after point for me too.  However, I still cant decide when that was exactly, as I cant recall a particular event or date I could pin it to, but I feel like I hadnt really lived before that point just existed......life isnt perfect still now but I think I can deal with things a lot better. 

I just wish I had acted on what I knew many years ago though now.........
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#12

Phew

Heavy reading indeed

In fact as you,know I knew some of this

And it was your messages that,spurred me to write the thread request 
X

Julie
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#13

i did wonder Wink

   
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#14

(01-12-2017, 06:35 PM)julieTG Wrote:  ok

sorry got too ask ?

and Katie will go, ooooh dirty minded Julie x 


now that you have balanced do you now or still get mr happy up and awake ?


Julie

x
HAHA,
I'm still on a PM regimen, and with my age Mr happy just watches me tie my shoes!
However the last time I took a herbal break I was surprised to see him making morning wood after about 2 weeks, so all was no lost.
The last time I serviced myself there was only clear liquid though.
Bobbi
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#15

Well as was discussing with a beautiful vanilla lady today 

Discover the benefits of your mons pubis

You will soon forget about mr happy

Lol

Luckily I stil have both

X

Julie
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#16

I've never had a black/white moment, the edge has always been blurred, to the point of a continous graduated grey scale, for me.
I think I can relate to much of what Bobbi said, although in my case it is confused by being on and off PM at intervals. Most of my life I had a strange inability to do my 'male'  hobby ( building small models) when x-dressed, which I could never understand. The last 2 or 3years before I retired I worked from home and could wear what I liked most days as long as my wife wasn't having one of her 'anti-Pansy' periods, but I started to find the male/female activity barrier was breaking down and to some extent the female side actually wanted to be 'allowed' to do male things. Since retiring 3 years ago I found it was often more convenient not to x-dress ( I could do the front garden without fear of being seen, for instance). A couple of months ago I had a one of those "chats with the wife" and she said she now accepts the female said of me and I can wear what I want at home. Since then I've worn a dress once, although I do  wear a bra almost every day and heels with jeans most days. I've described it before as wearing what any woman might wear day-to-day at home. However I've been on E/PM for most of this period and I know that will have reduced the x-dress urge. I've been on nothing for the last week and I think I can just feel the urge re-emerging.

Dunno if this answers the question or not?? Big Grin
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