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Transgender and Dating
#1
For quite some time(9 years and counting), I have been Asexual(a person who has no sexual feelings or desires)., and haven't dated

  That does not mean I am not interested in dating, its just that I find it hard to trust others. Why? well, being pre-op, I have a hard time trusting that anyone whom I am interested in, will not see me for who I am, the female I am. It is hard for me to trust that the person I want to be with , wont see that male appendage, and wish for something more, asking me to be something I am not. Wanting me to satisfy their secret desires of being gay, without the social repercussions. Their fascination with a 75% female body, with a 25% male anatomy. Of course, being on HRT, the desires to even copulate are zilch, but, there are rare occasions where I feel I may be missing out, perhaps too much, but the thought of the messy situation of dating, with its inherent expectations, tends for my desires to wane. 

I am not saying everyone else who dates transgendered folk see us that way, because I am sure there are many wonderful, accepting people out there that perhaps I am just passing over due to my own insecurities. 

I have had intercourse in the past, but there has always been that thought in the back of my mind, "do they really see me for who I am, or are they just pacifying my desire to be seen as female? " One can never truly know. I am a fair judge of character and a good read on people. certain body language, word usage, and even tone can give true natures away. 

I am also Sapiosexual (One who finds the content's of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics) so there's that too, in the mix.  Show me intelligence, and I will show you my heart. 


What is your perception of your situation? Would be interested in hearing how you feel. Not writing this post for advice, just want to hear others views on their situation.
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#2
(09-02-2018, 04:05 PM)Tanya Marie Squirrel Wrote: For quite some time(9 years and counting), I have been Asexual(a person who has no sexual feelings or desires)., and haven't dated

  That does not mean I am not interested in dating, its just that I find it hard to trust others. Why? well, being pre-op, I have a hard time trusting that anyone whom I am interested in, will not see me for who I am, the female I am. It is hard for me to trust that the person I want to be with , wont see that male appendage, and wish for something more, asking me to be something I am not. Wanting me to satisfy their secret desires of being gay, without the social repercussions. Their fascination with a 75% female body, with a 25% male anatomy. Of course, being on HRT, the desires to even copulate are zilch, but, there are rare occasions where I feel I may be missing out, perhaps too much, but the thought of the messy situation of dating, with its inherent expectations, tends for my desires to wane. 

I am not saying everyone else who dates transgendered folk see us that way, because I am sure there are many wonderful, accepting people out there that perhaps I am just passing over due to my own insecurities. 

I have had intercourse in the past, but there has always been that thought in the back of my mind, "do they really see me for who I am, or are they just pacifying my desire to be seen as female? " One can never truly know. I am a fair judge of character and a good read on people. certain body language, word usage, and even tone can give true natures away. 

I am also Sapiosexual (One who finds the content's of someone else's mind to be their most attractive attribute, above and before their physical characteristics) so there's that too, in the mix.  Show me intelligence, and I will show you my heart. 


What is your perception of your situation? Would be interested in hearing how you feel. Not writing this post for advice, just want to hear others views on their situation.


Definitely identify with the sapiosexual part. Enlightened intelligence is very appealing and one of the things I find I most admire in another. Not simply smarts, but depth and wisdom.
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#3
I can very much relate to that!

I tend to break it all down to 3 different and often conflated aspects, gender, sexuality (orientation) and Romance (Love attraction).
and though I`m not currently dating as i`m happily married (20 years this year!), it`s not a stretch to pretend I was single and answer this.

so for gender, mine`s female, but, like yourself, until i`m physically complete and my outsides reflect the inside, then I don`t even want to see it myself, nevermind inflicting it on someone else!
my Sexual orientation if Bi, but it`s very Binary as well, I don`t like wimpy men or butch women.
but my Romance side is probably the most liberal of all, I`m Panromanitic and I can fall in love with Anyone! any gender or orientation, color, race, (dis)ability, social standing etc... hell, maybe even Species!? basically if I like you, I like you! and that`s that, I guess that`s probably a bit like your SapioSexual in a sense, it`s what`s in a persons heart that I fall for, inteligence and Humor helps a whole bunch too. but being pan romanitic and in love with someone, doesn`t always mean I`m sexually atracted to them! so that can be a bit complicated for some to understand, and I try not to give the wrong signals where possible.
 
and though I`m not Asexual, i can live quite happily without sex as long as there`s Love and Connection. xx
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#4
And its a cultural problem to,what is a date ?Could be a appointment to go to a movie or some park to have a nice time and talk. In other cultures its  eat and F... .And the ideas that the porno industry put in peoples mind does not help either, pfff the all focus on the dick part so sad.i think that making up in front what both expect on this date would be a must. and IF it get to sex what is a no no for both involved Smile  Even being trans has no fixed meaning.And trusting people is impossible for me,to many things happened and seen.
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#5
(16-02-2018, 08:50 PM)BlonT Wrote: And its a cultural problem to,what is a date ?Could be a appointment to go to a movie or some park to have a nice time and talk. In other cultures its  eat and F... .And the ideas that the porno industry put in peoples mind does not help either, pfff the all focus on the dick part so sad.i think that making up in front what both expect on this date would be a must. and IF it get to sex what is a no no for both involved Smile  Even being trans has no fixed meaning.And trusting people is impossible for me,to many things happened and seen.


I agree with you 100%.
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