[Black Hippie]

Random question. I am extremely innocent for and 18 year old girl and I know very little about sex. You said they wouldn't open you up if you are a virgin. On a scale of 1 to 10 how much does sex hurt the first time?? Does it hurt after the first time?? I want to lose my virginity one day, but it seems soo scary and awkward. I know I sound 10 right now =/!!

[Anastasia916]

I can't really advise on the losing the virginity thing, cause as I said, what I considered my first time at 14 was forced and I didn't want it, so I would imagine it hurt worse than it should. But I didn't have sex for quite a while after that, I didn't let anyone close to me for a while. And I hear if you don't have sex for a while you can become the same tightness and such you were as a virgin. So there are two occasions that happened to me... my first real consensual time which was probably 15 going on 16, then my first time with my husband, cause I hadn't dated or been with anyone for like a year or so before getting with him (I haven't had alot of sexual partners). In those two "first times" it was uncomfortable, but as long as the male is gentle, slow and doesn't try to rush or force, it's not bad. I actually bled the first time with my hubby, just like "popping the cherry", so I suppose not having sex for the year or so is what did that. He was super gentle, and slow, and as long as you have alot of foreplay for you to "warm up" and get the juices flowing down there, you should be fine. Just remember to wait until you find the right guy I wish I had that choice, I would have waited until I was married. But yea I would think the level of pain of a first time would depend on your pain threshold, and how gentle and understanding the guy is. I have a high tolerance to pain, just a FYI. Hope this helps you understand better, but maybe someone else can advise better who actually lost their virginity to a good guy?

[Black Hippie]

Thanks Anastasia916 !! I feel better about it now. I do not plan on having sex anytime soon. (Mainly because I can't get a date or Boyfriend to save my life xD ) Funny story. When I was younger, I thought sex was a punishment for women. xD I thought sex was extremely painful for women every time. Some times I still think that. I don't know why lol.

Ps: I forgot to mention this, but my period used to be 2 light easy days. (the first 3 years) If that makes a difference.

[Nyx]

Sex didn't really hurt at all for me :-/ It was like a 2 or 3 out of 10. It's one of those things that you make out to be a huge event in your head and then it's like "oh, is that it?" moment when it happens.

My first time was when I was 18 and with my current boyfriend. He's a little bigger than average (average being 6 in. long) and most of the pain came from him hitting my cervix the whole time, which feels like a dull cramp. I don't think I even had a "cherry" to be popped to begin with because I used tampons and did some "self-exploration" a few times lol. Like Anastasia said, it's all a matter of if you have it with a good guy and if he takes it slow. You have to be ready if you don't want it to hurt.

Not to scare you, but I had a bad ob/gyn (female) at Planned Parenthood this last time I went to get a Pap smear and it just feels like really bad menstrual cramps for a while. The opening up part isn't really that bad...it's this long thing that they can crank open slowly. I think they come in different sizes, too, because I saw a lot of different ones in the drawer, haha. They probably use the smallest one and open it just enough to get a swab in.

[charrr]

when i go to the gyno, i say, i want the small one please (speculum that is). one time i had to argue with the nurse because it was not my first exam and i am not a virgin any longer. she was worried about me making her job harder i think. but any comfort i could find in that situation, i was going to grab! many women don't know that there are options for them and don't know what to ask for or say. after my first exam, my nurse advised me to get muscle relaxants but it is not that terrible after all, especially considering the good these services can do and we are so lucky to have them unlike so many women. and yep yep. i recommend a good female doctor. it will add comfort and care in most cases. in one exam, there was a male student present before the exam got to the good stuff. he actually seemed very feminine and nice, but i kindly told my nurse when she tried to insist, that he had to go!
i just want to add that it is kinda irksome the deal that is made out of sex in society. on the one hand it is this big special deal, sometimes like a diva, sometimes like a horny teenage boy. on the other hand it is too common. black hippie, i am glad that you don't plan on having sex for a while for several reasons. as far as what i have learned personally and vicariously, we give up little pieces of ourselves too much sometimes. as far as sex goes, it is physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. and there seems to be some sort of connection between people no matter what the nature of a sexual encounter. i have experienced it bless and enrich people or confuse and scar people. i am pretty sure you're still being a virgin in this day and age has nothing to do with you not being desirable cause i have seen you and you lookin fine girl. besides that, trust me at my age i can tell you, you still have no idea the myriad things that make people attractive. i hope you continue in not taking losing your virginity lightly. sex is always life altering. you WILL be a different person in the mirror, even if like some odd cases, you don't even remember. decide who you wanna see looking back at you. good luck with all your question and decisions. and peace, love and light be with you always.

[Black Hippie]

black hippie, i am glad that you don't plan on having sex for a while for several reasons. as far as what i have learned personally and vicariously, we give up little pieces of ourselves too much sometimes. as far as sex goes, it is physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. and there seems to be some sort of connection between people no matter what the nature of a sexual encounter. i have experienced it bless and enrich people or confuse and scar people. i am pretty sure you're still being a virgin in this day and age has nothing to do with you not being desirable cause i have seen you and you lookin fine girl. besides that, trust me at my age i can tell you, you still have no idea the myriad things that make people attractive. i hope you continue in not taking losing your virginity lightly. sex is always life altering. you WILL be a different person in the mirror, even if like some odd cases, you don't even remember. decide who you wanna see looking back at you. good luck with all your question and decisions. and peace, love and light be with you always.

Wow thanks. I never thought of sex like that.

[Bibi]

As for gynecologists, I think it´s best if you ask a friend or relative to recommend someone they´ve been to so you´ll be certain that he/she is careful and a good professional.
I´ve had my share of scary gynecologists, but in my case the male ones were mostly much gentler so it´s really a matter of luck I think. The last one I visited for routine exams (the pap smear) was a woman and she looked kind enough but she hurt me (it never hurts me when they do those exams) and at the same time made very unkind comments about my body, like "oh nooo you´re sooo thin, ugh" - a real doctor out of hell type of lady. She kind of brought me down but after a while I just got mad at her, I suppose she was being neurotic for her own personal reasons. But I´m not ever seeing her again!
(Anyway, not to frighten you blackhippie, I´m sure this gyn wasn´t the norm!)

And about losing your virginity, well you can take it seriously or not but it will affect you anyway. As a teenager I was stupid enough not to take it very seriously, I just wanted to not be a virgin because all my friends weren´t, and so I went to bed with a guy I didn´t much care about (though he was very attractive physically). Anyway, I think that´s why it hurt. I think it would´ve been much easier if I had been really in love with him. But anyway, I broke up with him very soon afterwards and had a hard time trusting other guys enough to do it with them, even if I liked them. So in all, I think it made me very insecure.
Of course, some years later I met a wonderful guy and with him everything went very smoothly and pleasurably because we had great communication and were very much in love. But now, this older and wiser boobie friend of yours will recommend: don´t rush it!!! It will happen anyway, and better later than sooner!!!
take care,

[Cheryl1989]

Hi everyone, i was reading this thread and found it really interesting, i am in a unique position as many of you know and have in a way gone through puberty twice, once as a man and now with all the changes i have gone through to become a woman. And i must admit that puberty as a man did seem alot easier and without too much worry, and i know this is not really puberty that i have gone through to become a woman and it is not the same as a genetic female goes through but i still had alot of the same processes to cope with and it was hard and still is lol. As far as sex goes, as a man i have slept with a few women, but now as a woman i am practicly a virgin and i am very worried about my first time. I just dont know what to expect and how painful it will be so your not alone Black hippie lol. But i agree with all the advice you have received and just wait for the right guy, hes out there and you will find him and then hopefully your first time will be special hun.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx

[Black Hippie]

comments about my body, like "oh nooo you´re sooo thin, ugh" - a real doctor out of hell type of lady. She kind of brought me down but after a while I just got mad at her, I suppose she was being neurotic for her own personal reasons. But I´m not ever seeing her again! Angry
(Anyway, not to frighten you blackhippie, I´m sure this gyn wasn´t the norm!)

I can't stand when doctors make comments like that. A doctor started laughing at me because I needed a baby needle for my first blood test. (Years ago ) Its funny now, but I wasnt laughing then. She forgot to put the tube thing over the needle. So my blood got everywhere =/! I was never afraid of blood test until then. Anyway, I'm going to try to schedule a gyn appointment soon. *deep breath* I'm a little scared, but I'm ready !!!!

But now, this older and wiser boobie friend of yours will recommend: don´t rush it!!! It will happen anyway, and better later than sooner!!! Smile
take care, Heart

I like this advice . How do people change after sex and were scared too? Sorry, I'm filled with questions. I'm still a child at heart lol.
Cheryl:
I'm soo glad you can relate. I'm also curious on how guys feel about sex too. I'm soo sorry if this is a rude and personally question, but was losing you virginity as a guy just as scary as a girl? Does losing you virginity as a girl seem more complicated?

[Cheryl1989]

Hi honey, its fine ask any questions you like. For me loosing my virginity as a man was no big thing, i was 16 and my girlfriend was a year older and it was her first time aswell. It lasted a few minutes which was down to me lol and that was it. So not memorable for her atall. I think for a man it always kind of feels the same, thay ejaculate and then its done and i dont want to sound like thats it because having sex and making love are two different things. i was not in love for my first and it was just sex. But later when i fell in love it was a much deeper experience but again it ends in a man ejeculating and hes happy. I have not had sex as a woman but i have been with a man and had anal sex and for me i felt very involved and found my body was so sensitive and it was not just all about one area like it had been as a man. I think women have so many more levels when it comes to sex and although i am scared of having sex as a woman for the first time i am also excited its just finding the right guy. I think it only hurts some girls when its there first time because alot of men just go for it quite hard straight away and ofcourse that will hurt the first time but some men wont do that. But i dont know myself, and i dont know if i will experience the same as a genetic female when i come to have sex and i guess ill never know. But dont even worry about it hun, it will happen and you will be fine so dont get yourself worried as sex is a wonderful thing when you find the right person so relax hun.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx