[beverley.rose]

I intend to die as a male.

I do not.

OK, I only wore a man's, jacket, shirt and shoes once in five years: at my eldest daughter's prom. I want to present as my children's father on occasions where that's who I am. If they have children, I will be happy to be their grandfather.

I am finding maleness more and more difficult to cope with. It is so much easier to present as female. So much more comfortable, I feel lighter in mood, happier, less inhibited.

I certainly do not want SRS. I have linked the main reason here:
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=9076&pid=31822#pid31822
Life for post ops is short, and ends in the most horrible ways. It may look like only one study, but all previous attempts at similar studies have failed to even find the post ops back.

I always thought I could manage without SRS but I am beginning to wonder if that is still true. I certainly now find the sight of my genitals utterly repellent which is not something I ever expected to experience.

So, life sucks for post-ops? Life sucks right now being stuck in this half-world. What have I got to lose?

I see SRS as the ultimate eunuch fantasy. In practice, it is self mutilation.

6 months ago I would have agreed with that. Not any more.

Passing is also a fantasy. When I stopped wearing make up, heels, nail polish and self tanner, everybody started calling me madam.

My experience is different from that. I get called madam when en femme already. It is working for me and whilst I do get read occasionally, most times I do not. As my self-confidence grows, people's success rate in reading me goes down.

Two years from now, my views may be different. I know very few people in the wider TG community who have kept the same goals for years.

Yeah - I agree with that bit 110%

Beverley

[Vesperia]

Whilst understanding and agreeing with Chrissie about being certain of what you are doing before going too far, there are plenty of GG's who wouldn't dream of going as far as tattoo'd makeup or even plucking eyebrows, so that is by no means an inevitable result of taking hormones in whatever form, and you always have the option to stop at whatever point you choose ( you can't then go backwards but you don't HAVE to go forwards).

It's a trans community thing. You'll always find at least one person who unrealisticly thinks they can erase all trace of their male self and that if you don't think and act exactly like they do then gtfo. While that's all fine and dandy my only beef is that this is not a transgender message board (technically) so trying to force those beliefs down other peoples throats has no real place here and is counterproductive when people are asking for help.

[Isabelle]

Thank you Beverley and Vesperia,

I don't know if this will help many right now, but you can also pause at any moment. You live now, and can look around to see what will work. OK, maybe you'll have to study a lot. But you don't have to follow people who are trying to convince themselves by adding more and more arguments to convince others.

I always thought growing a butt and slimming my waist would be hard. Right now, it's happening. Thanks to this board. On the other hand, I pass in skinny jeans, so tucking was never an issue for me - tmi alert - I wear two ladies' thongs side by side, scrotum folded backwards in one, the rest in the other. Thanks to maca, the butt is growing exactly the way I want it to. All I need now is leopard denim

[beverley.rose]

.... so trying to force those beliefs down other peoples throats has no real place here and is counterproductive when people are asking for help.

I am not trying to force anything down anyone's throat.

The context of the discussion was 'What if I grow these and cannot hide them?' to which Chrissie replied that you better be comfortable living as female. To me it seems a valid point. What I was trying to point out (and obviously failing) is that if you have to start living in a more female role, you do not deck yourself out in 4" heels, skirts, blouse and make-up and flounce out the door yelling 'Look at me!!!'. It has to be done gradually until you determine where you are comfortable.

Beverley.

[chrissie]

WOW,I SEEM TO HAVE STIRRED UP A HORNETS' NEST HERE! BEVERLEY, I AM SO PLEASED AT YOR PROGRESS; WE ALL HAVE EMOTIONAL MOMENTS; I HAD ONE TODAY, TELLING SOMEONE ABOUT THE PICKLE, A REPLICA OF THE VESSEL, THAT GOT THE NEWS OF TRAFALGER, BACK TO LONDON, AND IS BASED IN CONWY; WHAT THE HELL; JUST A GIRLY THING!
ONLY THOSE OF US, WHO FROM, INFANCY, HAVE KNOWN THAT OUR BODIES ARE WRONG, CAN UNDERSTAND THE AGONY, OF BEING TRASSEXUAL; FOR US SRS IS ABOUT RIGHTING A WRONG. I DO NOT DELUDE MYSELF, THAT I PASS, BUT GOOD PEOPLE ACCEPT ME AS CHRISSIE AND I INHABIT A CONTENTED SPACE; HOW GOOD IS THAT? EQUALY, I DO NOT WANT TO END UP, IN A MALE HOSPITAL WARD, WHERE I WOULD BE VIEWED AS AN ABERRABT FREAK. IN TRUTH, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE TV/TG THING BUT I TOTALLY ACCEPT IT AND HAVE GOOD FRIENDS, IN THAT SPECRUM.
MY COMMITEMENT, TO BEING AS FEM AS IS POSSIBLE, IS SO INTENSE, THAT IT FUELS MY CONCERNS FOR THOSE, WITH LESS MOTIVATION.

[sfem]

Not sure how I'll die, but I hope it isn't too soon and is peaceful. I'm fairly sure my gender, genitalia, sexual orientation and whatnot will have nothing to do with that event.

I'm not at all interested in being called madam.

I am not out chasing furry prey, and haven't for at least 2 decades, and I hope that never changes for me. Life has enough to it without that complication for me. My wife satisfied that need for me, although I think when I was younger I wasn't as aware of that as I am at this point in my life. The turning point for me on that was almost 20 years ago when someone tried very hard to make me a successful hunter and I (to my own surprise) found I had no trouble at all saying "No, I'm happily married" and truly at that point realized it was really, really true.

So I feel very lucky. I felt I wanted to have breasts. I couldn't explain it to myself. I had forms and such for years, and was never truly happy with that. Eventually in a sort of roundabout way, I wound up on a path to growing the real thing and the result filled that need for me. I have no urge to go any further, and don't want to present as female. It has enhanced our bedroom life, though not all the time and sometimes it's irrelevant. I have grown enough that I get stares a lot but have yet to have anyone rude enough or bold enough to actually say anything out loud to me. I'd guess they do talk about it, just not to me. I used to worry more about hiding them, but as times goes by, I worry about it less and less. I don't put them on show, but I don't hide them either. This has been an interesting summer for me in that respect.

I have noticed that my shorts and pants want to ride lower on my hips than they used to and I have to tighten my belt to get them to stay in place on my waist where they always have been. I haven't lost any weight so I'm suspicious what that is about. I do notice a different curve to my profile if I am lying on my side than I used to have. I think between those two things, I cannot deny that my lower half body shape is changing somewhat but not a lot I don't think. I am not trying to change that about myself. If it continues, I'm not sure what I'll do about it if anything. At this point, it doesn't mean much to me one way or the other.

I don't know how many out there are in my boat. But for us, trying to act female in order to prove to ourselves we should be outfitted with genuine parts just misses the point completely. Everyone is different.

Whatever you're trying to get to, I hope you enjoy the destination and the journey. If you haven't got a destination in mind, enjoy the ride!

[sfem]

Hmm, in reading my own post, saying I don't put them on show might not be taken very seriously with that avatar photo next to the post.... lol

[Cheryl1989]

Hi Everyone, as you know i dont post that much on here anymore but this discussion is interesting. I have to admit at the start of my NBE i never wanted to be a female, not that i knew of anyway, i had issues with my body and of course i had a strong if not over powering desire to have breasts, it was like they should be here but where missing. However with the results i begun to have i found my whole life changing and my desire out of necessity to become a woman became more apparent. What i will say is growing breasts and developing a more female figure as a man is fine to a certain extent but when a certain stage is reached it can become very difficult to continue being a man with such pronounced female attributes. I became confused and as some of you know found my whole transition very hard as i was always unsure who i was or if i was male or female. Now i know many will say i had very good results very fast but still i have seen many men on my forum and hear having good results and i guess my question is how far is to far to be able to continue life as a man, i know many of you have asked the same question to yourself. But imagine waking up tomorrow with a pair of D cup breasts, What would you do ? i know many will say if only lol but seriously how would you continue as a man ? Im not saying when you get to a certain stage you have to be a woman lol thats just crazy but i want people to maybe think about what they are doing and how far they are willing to go. I hate using labels like transexual and a transgender and so on we are who we are but society is not forgiving and if you do not belong in a catagory, I.e male, female you are called a freek or unusual and so on, people do not understand it. I also feel age is a factor, if you are a 20 year old man wanting breasts and a more female figure but you do not want to be a woman in the future then you really need to think about this and consider is very carefully. I mean you might want to get married, have children, get a certain job, go on holiday and take your top off lol this could be very difficult to do if you choose to do this. However i think men that are settled and are more mature and middle age with families would find this alot easier to some degree, aslong as your partner and family understand and accept what you want to do then the hurdles you would face as a man with breasts and a more feminine figure would be less of a life changing aspect to you and could be enjoyed. Now this is just my opinion and not meant to aggravate anyone lol im not like that

Hugs Cheryl xxxxx

[DiBi]

well, sfem said everything for me as well, i could try to explain more in depth my what and why, but i should tell you the story of my life and... well, don't worry, i won't do it ;-) it's a very long and complicated story.

let me just add that i think that trying to classify what anyone of us is doing is quite reductive, even very human. i understand that classifying makes life easier, but may be misleading, especially trying to classify what is not yet well known.

Remember that many of us had been classified by the "others" in ways they didn't like (at least, i've been many times), don't do the same mistake.

"And when Columbus sailed
Upon that mighty sea
Well, we are just like him
Yes, we are pioneers

Into the great unknown
The wild unchartered lands
There ain’t no turnin’ back
Ain’t gonna be no chains on me"

Now I'm your mom, David Byrne

[chrissie]

Cheryl has put her finger, on the point; there comes a time, when you may not pass, as female, but, neither will you, as male and my concerns are for those, who have not thought that through. The T world is full of those, with serious mental helth problems and I fear for those, setting themselves up, for just such a fate. When I refer to TS, I am distingushing those, with an overwhelming compulsion, to be female, from those, who are more ambigious. Far from advocating a TS status, I would liken it to the Chinese curse "may you live in interesting times".