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An evaluation of where PM has taken me.

#1

Sometimes replies to threads, contain nuggets of information that are lost, in the greter whole. Today I was strongly moved, by catching sight of myself, in a mirror; looking back at me was a middle aged woman. Last night, I was overwelmed by the joy of knowing, that I will wake up as a woman and spend, not just the next day, but every remaining day, of my life, as a woman.
A lot of this was brought about by my 2nd round of lip tattooing, with the resultant feeling, of having taken another, decisive, step forwardWinkWink In understanding this, dear reader, you need to understand that I have been totured, by gender dysphoria, all my sentinent life and tried to deal with it by rigerous suppression. As a result, I thought I would try and pull things together. in one thread. What has been the effect of PM on Chrissie and what lessons are there for others.
1] PM grows boobs. How big will depend on your genetic make up and, almost certainly, on yor T levels. I have just made a 38C and am still growing. Be under no illusions, you will grow boobs and have to deal with that.
2] This is slow; I have been on PM 31 months. Then, again, remember that full breast developement, takes most young women around 4 years.
3] I found that an early effect, was a change in mood and personality. I became calmer, more empathetic and way less aggressive. I know that some, such as Pansy-Mae, report no changes, while others report changes, similar to mine. It is interesting to note that Pansy-Mae is somewhat ambiguous, whereas I am not. Whether that means PM feeds our expectations, or whether some of us are programmed to respond to oestrogen, more than others, remains an interesting question.
4]There are all sorts of surprising side effects: loss of stengh, a loss of interest in DIY, a decrease in skills, requiring spacial awareness and a change in what tastes and flavours interest you. Your body odour, will change.
5]About 13 months, in I was acutely aware of my expanding chest and looked for; and found, local support. Without it and the support of female friends, I do not know how I would have coped
6]The prospect, of coming out, is scary but you will find who your friends are. In the UK, prople are amazingly tolerant. I came to Conwy, in May and feel well accepted, even admired and certainly feel I am seen as one of the towns characters. In that, I feel that, being totaly up front with who and what I am, has been very significant.
As to the idea of reverting to male mode; I would rather die; I just cannot envisage it, anymore. For the first time, in my life, I am me and it has taken 62 years to get here, what a waste!
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#2

Chrissie,
I'm really happy for you - where you are right now and where you see your journey tasking you. There is a part of me, my female component, that envies you that journey, but I know, as I have known for 40 years, that that path is not for me.

There is no way of really knowing how the complex of upbringing, social situation, emotions, bio-chemistry, mental drive, etc, work either together or against each other to position each us on the male - female spectrum, but I do believe that it put me pretty close to the middle, male/female in pretty much equal balance. In some ways I get the best of both worlds but in others it can be frustrating to be neither truly one or the other and finding that if I consciously and deliberately try to move either way, the other half of me pulls me back to the middle sooner or later. At different times in my life, that 'centering' has taken as short a time as 8 weeks or so and at another, 8 years or more.

I also don't know if I am better off in the middle or, like you being physically one, but mentally the other, with the need and drive that you have to make the two come together. The only thing I am fairly sure of is that it has taken me a long time to understand that where I am is where I should be and that I am comfortable being me, as you are happy being you.Smile
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#3

(16-09-2011, 11:49 PM)chrissie Wrote:  Sometimes replies to threads, contain nuggets of information that are lost, in the greter whole. Today I was strongly moved, by catching sight of myself, in a mirror; looking back at me was a middle aged woman. Last night, I was overwelmed by the joy of knowing, that I will wake up as a woman and spend, not just the next day, but every remaining day, of my life, as a woman.
A lot of this was brought about by my 2nd round of lip tattooing, with the resultant feeling, of having taken another, decisive, step forwardWinkWink In understanding this, dear reader, you need to understand that I have been totured, by gender dysphoria, all my sentinent life and tried to deal with it by rigerous suppression. As a result, I thought I would try and pull things together. in one thread. What has been the effect of PM on Chrissie and what lessons are there for others.
1] PM grows boobs. How big will depend on your genetic make up and, almost certainly, on yor T levels. I have just made a 38C and am still growing. Be under no illusions, you will grow boobs and have to deal with that.
2] This is slow; I have been on PM 31 months. Then, again, remember that full breast developement, takes most young women around 4 years.
3] I found that an early effect, was a change in mood and personality. I became calmer, more empathetic and way less aggressive. I know that some, such as Pansy-Mae, report no changes, while others report changes, similar to mine. It is interesting to note that Pansy-Mae is somewhat ambiguous, whereas I am not. Whether that means PM feeds our expectations, or whether some of us are programmed to respond to oestrogen, more than others, remains an interesting question.
4]There are all sorts of surprising side effects: loss of stengh, a loss of interest in DIY, a decrease in skills, requiring spacial awareness and a change in what tastes and flavours interest you. Your body odour, will change.
5]About 13 months, in I was acutely aware of my expanding chest and looked for; and found, local support. Without it and the support of female friends, I do not know how I would have coped
6]The prospect, of coming out, is scary but you will find who your friends are. In the UK, prople are amazingly tolerant. I came to Conwy, in May and feel well accepted, even admired and certainly feel I am seen as one of the towns characters. In that, I feel that, being totaly up front with who and what I am, has been very significant.
As to the idea of reverting to male mode; I would rather die; I just cannot envisage it, anymore. For the first time, in my life, I am me and it has taken 62 years to get here, what a waste!

Hi again Chrissie,

I find it interesting that this post was right after my post explaining my experiences with PM.

I think it's important for everyone to understand that my post was in no way directed toward changing one's desire either towards or against whatever gender they choose to be, although you seemed to think that there was some hidden meaning behind my experiences.

The ONLY thing that I wanted to do was to let everyone that I was made aware of something about taking PM that I wasn't aware of before I tried it. AND had I known that I would go through a "withdrawal of sorts" when I stopped taking it .... I probably would have chosen a different method.

Karen.



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#4

Karen, what I felt a need to encapsulate, was nothing to do with you; much more to do with some very powerfull things, that were going on around me and a feeling that I needed to be understood, as a woman who was free from ambiguity and is flying free. For me, the last few days, have been, the most defining, of my life.
Pansy-Mae; I have a dear friend, who reminds me of you; I cannot understand, but totaly accept. Would not life be dull, if we were all the same!
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#5

(18-09-2011, 12:34 AM)chrissie Wrote:  ....Pansy-Mae; I have a dear friend, who reminds me of you; I cannot understand, but totaly accept. Would not life be dull, if we were all the same!

Abso - jolly - lutely!Big GrinBig GrinBig GrinBig Grin
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