A very healthy perspective Charrie. I often wonder about the source of my predilections, and almost always come to the conclusion that I am really just seeking an excuse to call myself more socially acceptable, as if there were a "cure" or "fix". Can't be solved though because the issue of being socially acceptable lies with the accepters, not the acceptees and no amount of soul searching on the part of the acceptee will change any accepter. Soul searching is only potentially productive for self-acceptance. Of course it is the human condition among healthy individuals to wonder where things come from and what causes changes or variations. Don't stop wondering just because someone else found a reason for them to tell you their version of the whys and wherefores of life. Life is much too big and magnificent and complex to be explained simply.

Its funny I do not feel the least bit sick.
I do not feel the least bit broken.
But I am transgender.
You have to except it not suppress it.
Its the how you deal with it that is the hard part.
And it is also the part that is not the same for everybody.
There is a happy medium out there you just have to find it.
Hopefully mine will be a 34 c cup.

E

I think the larger question is how do you feel about yourself. Do you wish you could make your GD disappear just like that and enjoy being and living as a male? Or do you accept and maybe even cherish your female identity as an important part of who you are, despite the unhappiness this conflict creates for you?

You have asked a very hard question and have nailed my two demons perfectly. My initial thought is that I (emphasis on I) don't really have a problem with my female desires and tenancies but I feel pressure from somewhere to "fix" them, like I'm not SUPPOSED to be this way or it's some sort of illness or defect. Does that make any sense? Your questions are revealing my own confusion so I can only imagine how unsure of myself I must look to you. I guess I want someone or something to tell me I'm OK. I would like some justification for the way I am and for that to be very compelling. ...I never thought I was this insecure about all this until now and I'm kind of fearful of what I've revealed to everyone. Is it OK to be confused here?

I think what you're saying makes sense. You don't personally object to your female desires, but perhaps due to external expectations (real or perceived), whether it be from family, religion or society, you feel you aren't living up to others' standards. I think that's a tough position to be in. You don't want to disappoint or embarrass those closest to you, but at the same time you want to be honest with who you are. I think that's why using the condition of being intersex is so convenient for you. It resolves this dilemma without forcing you to have to choose one path over the other.

I think the larger question is how do you feel about yourself. Do you wish you could make your GD disappear just like that and enjoy being and living as a male? Or do you accept and maybe even cherish your female identity as an important part of who you are, despite the unhappiness this conflict creates for you?

This is an extremely interesting question to me. When I first found this forum I believed and felt that feminization was something I desperately wanted, and I did not want that feeling to go away. I started on PM hoping for the feminization and not at all expecting the desire to diminish (and like I said, I didn't want it to diminish). The fact that it has diminished is indisputable (at least to me). Now that it has diminished I want it to stay that way (kind of like being "set free").

In no way do I want to come across as critical to others that are actively transitioning. Rather I feel that I have a much greater understanding as to the feelings those of us wrestling with GID have, and I understand that there are many degrees of transsexualism and it is important to find out where on that scale you fall. In my case, had I decided to transition I would likely regret the decision since the process of the transition itself would likely diminish the desire (in a similar way that taking PM does). Once I came "out", however, the damage to my family relationships would already be done.

I consider myself very lucky to be one of those who found significant relief using PM.

Misty

Can't be solved though because the issue of being socially acceptable lies with the accepters, not the acceptees and no amount of soul searching on the part of the acceptee will change any accepter.

That's a really good word sfem. I know it's true but reading it bent my thinking in a good way. Thanks

I think what you're saying makes sense. You don't personally object to your female desires, but perhaps due to external expectations (real or perceived), whether it be from family, religion or society, you feel you aren't living up to others' standards. I think that's a tough position to be in. You don't want to disappoint or embarrass those closest to you, but at the same time you want to be honest with who you are. I think that's why using the condition of being intersex is so convenient for you. It resolves this dilemma without forcing you to have to choose one path over the other.

Wow, well said... again. So, all these comments have had me thinking all day and I it appears the essence of my problem is acceptance from others. I know I have GD, I fully accept that and at times I even like it just a little. My wife accepts it to a great degree and I know my Creator is well aware of it and still accepts me. Now for the rest of my circle... This wont be easy for me because I've always been a bit of a misfit who wants to be popular. I know I don't have to announce it to the world but if I'm going to let the little girl inside me out to play, and she REALLY wants to play, someone's going to notice. And when they notice, I'll need the confidence to withstand rejection should it come my way.

I think the larger question is how do you feel about yourself. Do you wish you could make your GD disappear just like that and enjoy being and living as a male? Or do you accept and maybe even cherish your female identity as an important part of who you are, despite the unhappiness this conflict creates for you?

This is an extremely interesting question to me. When I first found this forum I believed and felt that feminization was something I desperately wanted, and I did not want that feeling to go away. I started on PM hoping for the feminization and not at all expecting the desire to diminish (and like I said, I didn't want it to diminish). The fact that it has diminished is indisputable (at least to me). Now that it has diminished I want it to stay that way (kind of like being "set free").

In no way do I want to come across as critical to others that are actively transitioning. Rather I feel that I have a much greater understanding as to the feelings those of us wrestling with GID have, and I understand that there are many degrees of transsexualism and it is important to find out where on that scale you fall. In my case, had I decided to transition I would likely regret the decision since the process of the transition itself would likely diminish the desire (in a similar way that taking PM does). Once I came "out", however, the damage to my family relationships would already be done.

I consider myself very lucky to be one of those who found significant relief using PM.

Misty

That's pretty much the way I feel. The fact that taking PM changes the way you think (and I've said this before) proves that I (maybe we) are suffering from a brain disorder. We think that we are logical, rational beings but at a low level we are like puppets dancing on a chain of complex chemicals.

Even more significantly, how wrong it would be to take a life-changing decision while under the influence of a chemical imbalance.

My strong belief, backed up by Dr Vitale, is that I was born with a brain that was set up for a difference chemical balance - i.e. the level that females experience - and the testosterone/estrogen ratio screws up my ability to think clearly and rationalise.

There are no good ways out of this kind of situation... I (perhaps we) did not get enough imbalance to complain at a young enough age to actually do something about it before puberty, it did not stop me liking girls, having a family.. to me, the least worst option is to keep the mind straight enough to deal with the inevitable physical changes.

At least Steve Tyler and Jack Nicholson have bigger boobs than most of us!

B.

I started taking PM to grow breasts and to feel more female.
Not to cope with GD or manage it, but more to enhance it and embrace it.
In hind site I most likely should have done more research.
Like a lot of us here on PM my once cherished clothes have a new home in the attic. The why is still unclear to me. Its like the guy side and the girl side have finally found a happy agreement. Its like the guy side gives a sigh of relief at not having to put on nylons and the girl side says who cares I have my boobs plus my hair and nails look great.
I will admit the guy side freaked out when the breasts first started to bud and get sore. And then again when there was wet spots on my night shirt
in the morning. At this point I am really not sure which gender I belong in but then again does it really matter if you are happy?
We all have found out PM grows breasts, but I would be interested in hearing what others have found that has changed in their lives both mental and physical since starting PM.
What happens if we quit completely do we crash and burn and run to the attic for a sun dress?

Huggs
E

Sun dress.

Hey its almost spring LOL
Besides 5" heels on attic steps are pretty tricky.

Hey its almost spring LOL
Besides 5" heels on attic steps are pretty tricky.

5" heels on attic steps?! I hope you have a railing to hold on to so you don't lose your balance.