15-12-2013, 09:52 PM
Hi,
I’ve been a silent member of BreastNexus.com for a couple of months now, and after having read 80-90% of the postings on the bio-male NBE forum, I thought it was about time to introduce myself to all of you, and to become a participant in some of the ongoing discussions here. I have found this forum to be very helpful in my journey to discover where I am on the gender spectrum and how to deal with personal gender issues in my daily life.
I’m a male heterosexual, and long time married to a wonderful woman. Our children are grown, and we’re both retired now. After more than six decades, I’ve come to the realization that I am transgender. How I overlooked that aspect of myself for so long is a mystery to me, but having finally come to this understanding, and looking back on my life since childhood, I can see the many signs that were so effectively pushed aside in order to preserve the male gender image that was expected of me by family, friends, as well as myself.
I didn’t suffer the debilitating gender dysphoria that many TG/TS individuals describe. For me it was more a constant, background dissonance that slowly took its toll. Without going into too much detail, let me just say that I'm a crossdreamer, a term coined by Jack Molay (see his blog at www.crossdreamers.com). I dream about having a female body. It’s how my gender identity, which is somewhere between male and female, struggles for expression. Until recently I’ve been able to restrict these desires to fantasy. The prospect of actually feminizing my body was never seriously pursued with the exception of occasional closet crossdressing. Now, at this late stage of life, holding back the desire for female expression has become more difficult. With great trepidation, I, at last, came out to my wife about this side of me. She has come to accept the new me, even cooperate in my search for peace of mind and self acceptance. Gone are the negative feelings stemming from other compulsive behaviors that have haunted me for so long.
I picked up a copy of “The Gendered Self” by Dr. Anne Vitale and learned how HRT is often used to diagnose and treat gender expression deprivation anxiety in transgender patients. When I stumbled upon BreastNexus, and learned from members like Doodlebug, Flamesabers, Sfem, Bryony and others that PM has many of the same mind altering effects as synthetic estrogen without all the risks, I started on a program of taking 2000 mg of PM (Ainterol R1) daily and nothing else. The effect on my state of mind has been remarkable. Everything that others have reported has been borne out, and, to my delight, I’ve experienced no unpleasant side effects.
I’m still somewhat ambivalent about how much to feminize my body, though I definitely have a desire to do so. I’m not sure how it’s going to play out long term. It’s one thing to desire breasts, but quite another to actually have them, I gather. We'll see. So far, both my wife and I are okay with taking it one step at a time. I’m already seeing physical changes after nine weeks on PM. My budding breasts are a dream come true, literally, but I’ve also experienced a couple of "OMG what's happening" moments.
I have no intention, at present, of transitioning all the way and living as a woman. I don’t think that will be necessary or practical for me at my age. I’m really only seeking relief from mental anxiety, but I’m assuming that to achieve that, feminine expression will always be a part of who I am to some extent. I'm liking that.
It’s good to be here.
I’ve been a silent member of BreastNexus.com for a couple of months now, and after having read 80-90% of the postings on the bio-male NBE forum, I thought it was about time to introduce myself to all of you, and to become a participant in some of the ongoing discussions here. I have found this forum to be very helpful in my journey to discover where I am on the gender spectrum and how to deal with personal gender issues in my daily life.
I’m a male heterosexual, and long time married to a wonderful woman. Our children are grown, and we’re both retired now. After more than six decades, I’ve come to the realization that I am transgender. How I overlooked that aspect of myself for so long is a mystery to me, but having finally come to this understanding, and looking back on my life since childhood, I can see the many signs that were so effectively pushed aside in order to preserve the male gender image that was expected of me by family, friends, as well as myself.
I didn’t suffer the debilitating gender dysphoria that many TG/TS individuals describe. For me it was more a constant, background dissonance that slowly took its toll. Without going into too much detail, let me just say that I'm a crossdreamer, a term coined by Jack Molay (see his blog at www.crossdreamers.com). I dream about having a female body. It’s how my gender identity, which is somewhere between male and female, struggles for expression. Until recently I’ve been able to restrict these desires to fantasy. The prospect of actually feminizing my body was never seriously pursued with the exception of occasional closet crossdressing. Now, at this late stage of life, holding back the desire for female expression has become more difficult. With great trepidation, I, at last, came out to my wife about this side of me. She has come to accept the new me, even cooperate in my search for peace of mind and self acceptance. Gone are the negative feelings stemming from other compulsive behaviors that have haunted me for so long.
I picked up a copy of “The Gendered Self” by Dr. Anne Vitale and learned how HRT is often used to diagnose and treat gender expression deprivation anxiety in transgender patients. When I stumbled upon BreastNexus, and learned from members like Doodlebug, Flamesabers, Sfem, Bryony and others that PM has many of the same mind altering effects as synthetic estrogen without all the risks, I started on a program of taking 2000 mg of PM (Ainterol R1) daily and nothing else. The effect on my state of mind has been remarkable. Everything that others have reported has been borne out, and, to my delight, I’ve experienced no unpleasant side effects.
I’m still somewhat ambivalent about how much to feminize my body, though I definitely have a desire to do so. I’m not sure how it’s going to play out long term. It’s one thing to desire breasts, but quite another to actually have them, I gather. We'll see. So far, both my wife and I are okay with taking it one step at a time. I’m already seeing physical changes after nine weeks on PM. My budding breasts are a dream come true, literally, but I’ve also experienced a couple of "OMG what's happening" moments.
I have no intention, at present, of transitioning all the way and living as a woman. I don’t think that will be necessary or practical for me at my age. I’m really only seeking relief from mental anxiety, but I’m assuming that to achieve that, feminine expression will always be a part of who I am to some extent. I'm liking that.
It’s good to be here.
