[The27thchromosome]

Hello girlies!

I am freaking out in some of the best ways and terrified as well. But not even 2 weeks into starting 1100mg of barlows a day i have buddsss! I can feel a pea size bud for both breasts. I have always felt like I might have low T or that E like things might be the right fuel for me as I have had a sense of euphoria and just rightness. I have always thought I had ADHD but my head is significantly clearer i can initiate tasks, i never forget to take my PM... its just so exciting. But terrifying since i am married to a cis F and have two kids who have no idea about my dysphoria. Why I started PM in the first place was it seemed like I might be able to test to see if this is something I actually want. Andddd I did not think I was gonna bud already. I have read I think everything on PM on here and lots from other sites. And figured it would not be this quick...

I need to really get something off my chest before I burst in nervousness here.

It started when I was 6-8 not really sure but I always "dressed up" as a girl and played with my sisters, I always insisted that I was a girl or wanted to be one if they ever wanted to do dress up. Even though they had plenty of stuff for boys to wear as I had a big family (2 sisters and 3 brothers and i am the middle of them all).

As I grew up i would take clothes from my sisters and secretly wear them in front of the mirror with a wig on and just felt so pretty. I also come highschool time watched alot of sapphic content thinking all of this was just some kind of fetish like I liked W|W. 

As i went through puberty i just kept not liking what i saw in the mirror regardless of how much i worked out or not. I hated the hair that grew over all of my body...etc. and when looking at strong "male physiques" I never liked that either. But when I saw women I just loved how their curves were, their pretty outfits they got to wear. And not that I knew quite at that point but I can truly say I was envious of them.

I got married at 20 and she truly liked how "manly" i was and I even grew a beard for her. But I have never looked in the mirror and was like this feels like me. I have def looked and was like wow I look really handsome today sure. But never this seems like me.

Also I have always been extremely attracted to lesbian women, I everyone and again would see a random tiktok and be like damn that girl is fine. Go to her profile and go on she's lesbian. Not to realize hey I might also be lesbian. 

I come from an extremely strict religious background, I will just say HQ happens to be in Utah. I had my "shelf broken" as it is stated and left around 4 years ago. Since then I have been exploring who I am. And have come to these realizations. 

I hate the hair on my body, I was never able to be in a safe enough environment to explore my gender when younger. And now that I have started and I am feeling right for once. I am terrified of how my wife would react to change. She's a very flexible woman but I also know changes are happening fast and I might want to go on actual E and t blockers. But I have a family..etc ugh haha 

Also attach is nipple changes in just 15 days on PM

Thank you all for listening 

[Happyme]

Hi 27!
Welcome to the the rest of your life.
Reading your bio sounds a lot like mine, but a lot longer time ago.

As for your buds, congratulations, but have no fear your not going to be sporting C cups by next week.
NBE is a very slow process, and it needs to be consistent too.
You can ramp up the process with Suction devices, but in general its slow going.
Many hours of Massage, trying different combinations of herbs, mental wrestling, etc.
And if your still enjoying an active sex life thats going to change also.

At some point you will need to talk with a gender counselor, or a shrink. to get an outside glimpse of what you are experiencing. 
Then you will need to have the talk with wife and family, since this is a big change in day to day life.

There is no easy way out of this one, some have had great outcomes and acceptance and others not so.
Maybe there is something left on that shelf that will guide you.

Huggs
Bobbi

[rinx635]

Everything you’re describing, the clarity, the euphoria, the budding, even the sudden “oh crap this is real” panic, is so common for folks who start to see themselves more clearly for the first time. There’s no perfect timeline for figuring out your next steps, but it’s okay to just sit with this for now. You don’t need to have all the answers yet. A gender-affirming therapist can help you sort through what this means, especially with a family in the picture.