[GoneGirl]

I think the answer to the thread question provides a clue as how much cross gender identity one possesses, and whether engaging in NBE is likely to be something worthwhile and beneficial in the long term.

I grew up with four sisters, so breasts and bras were a common sight in our house. I remember putting a bra on as a young boy, but I don't recall actually wishing I had breasts. I had only a vague notion of what a breast was until I reached puberty.

When puberty arrived, I recall locking myself in the bathroom with the Sears & Roebuck catalog and going directly to the women's underwear pages to look at the pictures. I also liked to peruse the pages of Seventeen magazine at the city library looking at the intoxicating images of girls and how they adorned their curvy bodies. I still had no conscious wish to have breasts during my adolescent years, although a friend and I experimented with putting oranges in a bra to see how having breasts might look and feel. Not very well, we concluded.

It wasn't until after I was married, in my twenties that I discovered a book at the local bookstore about a man who grew breasts. Just the idea of that possibility sent a rush of excitement racing through my body. I was shocked by my reaction. I wanted to open the book, but was too self-conscious with other people around, so I walked away. For days, I couldn't get the book out of my mind. Finally, while again visiting the bookstore, I worked up the courage to open the book and read some of the material. It recounted the story of a man who had inadvertently come into contact with his wife's estrogen medicine, and over time, developed breasts. From that day on, I concocted fantasies about growing breasts myself. The urge to pursue it in reality was never seriously considered until last year when I experienced a relapse into crossdressing, and eventually found my way here.

Now that I have the beginnings of my own real breasts, I wake up in the morning, touch them, and know that my longstanding dream has finally come true, and I am so glad.

Clara

Just read this. A nice story Clara Kay, nicely told.

Thank you, MW. It's very interesting how our common interest -- the reason we all came to BN -- had its beginnings in so many different ways and in different stages of life. It's also interesting how differently we value our breasts as an expression of who we are as people. Some of us see our breasts as an expression of our femininity. Others value breasts for their own sake.

Earlier in my life, beasts only played a role in my fantasies. They existed only in my mind; they did not affect real life. Now, after nearly 5 months of NBE, I have small breasts that are with me day and night. They show through my clothing at times. I feel I must hide them from the world even though I'm happy, even proud to have them.

As my breasts develop, they are also exposing the female side of my psyche. They make it impossible to deny that part of my gender identity that I once suppressed so well. Assuming my breasts continue to grow and become impossible to hide from the world, I suspect that my gender identity will also become impossible to hide from the world. When that happens, will there be any reason to carry on the charade of living the male gender role, if that what it is? Is this the so called 'pink fog', the 'slippery slope' that we are warned about?

Clara

Clara - If Lotus is the research oracle of this group, then you must surely be its philosopher! You analyse things so clearly; even if are navigating through a pink fog you'll be sure to guide the rest of us along the way! Thank you.

Well, thank you, Annie.