[MichelleM]

I've never thought of myself as having "suffered" gender dysphoria in my past life. Maybe it was because my defense mechanisms were so ingrained within my subconscious. Maybe it was because my female gender identity is not as strong as those who do experience dysphoria. Maybe I developed behaviors and had safety valves that allowed me live out the male gender roll despite being a MTF crossdreamer.

Sometimes I think I have more signs of gender dysphoria, as of late -- since acknowledging my female identity. Yes, I am happier on a day to day basis, but in the background, I feel a kind of frustration at attempts to bring my female gender identity fantasy world into the real world.

One thing that is very obvious to me and my wife is how much time I devote to my female gender these days. I spend way more time on it than I did on fantasy masturbation in the past. Am I just making up for lost time? Will things settle down to a stable mixed gender routine eventually?

Something is missing, and I don't know what it is. It's not enough to develop breasts. It's not enough to dress as a woman, don a wig, and makeup my face to appear more feminine. It's not enough that my wife is understanding and supportive of my crossgender ways. This situation is beginning to bother me, and so, in that respect, I'm still experiencing mental discomfort, a kind of mild dysphoria or dissonance.

Do any of you guys/girls have similar feelings now or in the past? What have you done to address those feelings? Is this a sign that further transitioning is needed? As we integrate our female genders into our lifestyles, shouldn't there be a sense of relief and empowerment as the process goes forward?

Clara (having one of those questioning days again)

Clara,

I've been wondering along similar lines myself. I few months ago, if you had asked me if I had GD, I would have emphatically said no. Admittedly, I'm probably over near one end of the spectrum, which, in turn, probably made it possible (or at least easier) to be in denial.

And, like you, in general, I'm now less anxious, nicer to be around, etc. (And, again, I didn't have that much anxiety, etc., but it's very nice that it's much less.)

But it has come with that baggage--the baggage of trying to figure out exactly where I fit in, when will I have a handle on this, where is this journey going, etc.

So, yes, I'd also really appreciate to hear from others their thoughts about this.

Thanks!

Michelle