08-03-2014, 09:40 PM
Just to throw in my 2 cents here, a complicating factor is age. Just as most people have things they want or would like or dream about, which are differed because of other life considerations and end up on a bucket list, I believe there are bucket list items for those with a GID of some kind.
Whether growing breasts, or dressing, or dressing in public or taking hormones or whatever (it will be different for everyone), all these steps may exist in us as not so much a path to happiness or fulfillment, since those goals lie not in external things but rather in how we feel about ourselves, but rather as goals to achieve and experience along the course of our life, simply because we want to. Just as you can really know you want a great steak or a perfect cut of fish for dinner tonight, without expecting that that dinner will make the rest of your life happy. But dying without ever experiencing that great steak would be a tragedy (assuming that is something on your list, of course).
What I mean is that before I die there are an array of things I want to experience. Aspects of gender are part of that. Do I want to experience a full transition along with surgery. No. Absolutely not. There are many aspects of being male I do not wish to forgo at this point in my life and with my current circumstances. Will the steps I am taking now become a permanent part of my life. IDK, really. But I sure do not want to wait until I am even older (and uglier) before I get to experience these feelings. It may well be, in fact that as my appearance degenerates further into age, the desire to dress fully may disappear from the table, taken off by my own unwillingness to continue in the face of insurmountable odds. But really... who knows... I am just ecstatic to finally be in a place to realize some of the experiences I have wanted for so many years. As I said somewhere else, I wish I had not waited so long to reach this point. But on reflection, at earlier stages of my life, sublimation of my true desires would have had me unable to admit to wanting what I want now, and would have had me rationalizing not taking these steps through a wide array of very persuasive sounding arguments. In the end, now, I am able to look back and see these rationalizations for what they were... decisions based in fear.
Whether growing breasts, or dressing, or dressing in public or taking hormones or whatever (it will be different for everyone), all these steps may exist in us as not so much a path to happiness or fulfillment, since those goals lie not in external things but rather in how we feel about ourselves, but rather as goals to achieve and experience along the course of our life, simply because we want to. Just as you can really know you want a great steak or a perfect cut of fish for dinner tonight, without expecting that that dinner will make the rest of your life happy. But dying without ever experiencing that great steak would be a tragedy (assuming that is something on your list, of course).
What I mean is that before I die there are an array of things I want to experience. Aspects of gender are part of that. Do I want to experience a full transition along with surgery. No. Absolutely not. There are many aspects of being male I do not wish to forgo at this point in my life and with my current circumstances. Will the steps I am taking now become a permanent part of my life. IDK, really. But I sure do not want to wait until I am even older (and uglier) before I get to experience these feelings. It may well be, in fact that as my appearance degenerates further into age, the desire to dress fully may disappear from the table, taken off by my own unwillingness to continue in the face of insurmountable odds. But really... who knows... I am just ecstatic to finally be in a place to realize some of the experiences I have wanted for so many years. As I said somewhere else, I wish I had not waited so long to reach this point. But on reflection, at earlier stages of my life, sublimation of my true desires would have had me unable to admit to wanting what I want now, and would have had me rationalizing not taking these steps through a wide array of very persuasive sounding arguments. In the end, now, I am able to look back and see these rationalizations for what they were... decisions based in fear.