[flamesabers]

This discussion is very interesting to me. It seems that both of you (Kari and Flame) arrived at where you are today through an evolutionary process that spanned a considerable time. That's encouraging.

An evolutionary process is exactly how I would describe my progression of my gender identity. Great minds do think alike.

Flame, I'm not sure what you mean by a "male ego". Do you mean arrogance, self-assuredness, and self-importance? I'm not sure I know how male-ego differs from female-ego. These characteristics are shared by both men and women. Women may hide their egos so as not to appear bossy or bitchy (one of society's female no-nos), but underneath the deferential facade, can lie a most self-seeking individual. It might help me to explain that.

What I mean by "male ego" is an identification as being a male. Being male is merely a biological fact for me and nothing more. Stated differently, I don't feel the urge to emulate what other males say or do, nor do I feel compelled to be manly. For instance, the phrase "take it like a man" is meaningless to me on an emotional level.

I like your philosophy, Flame, and would like to emulate it, but knowing that you started your journey at age 16 makes me wonder if that's possible. It seems that you have come to a point in life where your gender has been confirmed or affirmed, and maybe that IS the ultimate solution. Everyone I know, except my wife, knows me as a normal male, not the gender-variant person that I truly am. So I continue to live in a gender purgatory, neither here nor there, not knowing to which side I will end up.

To be honest, I'm not sure when my journey truly started. Ever since I started thinking about who I was and how a lot of my personality traits such as being kind, gentle, obedient and quiet were much more common among girls than boys, I wondered what my gender identity really was. This was long before I knew about transsexuality at age 16. At a young age, I had no personal compunction with doing feminine things like painting my nails because my mom and sister were. During my time at recess in elementary school I enjoyed being on the swings or playing tag with the girls rather than playing catch with the guys. For P.E., I was much more fond of jump rope than shooting hoops or something.

Outside of this forum, I doubt really any of the people I interact with in some shape or form suspect I'm anything but a normal male. I think most people aren't on the lookout, especially with my physical build and height. Maybe some individuals have picked up on my peculiarities, but nobody has called me out on it as far as I know. I suppose eventually my breast development may change this.