[JennaSkye]

When I posted that, I was in a bit of a rush. Thanks for the responses. I am sorry i didn't respond earlier. I actually post all of these from my phone. I try to proof read them but as we all know, editing on a mobile device is not easy. I don't post here much because I was asked not to by my wife. I won't post pictures because I also was asked not to by her. For those of you that don't know my past, my wife was completely against me starting on PM, dressing up and anything feminine.

My thoughts have been very weird lately.. Since this is my thread, I'm just going to say more random, short thoughts that I am thinking in hopes I can try to understand how I really feel.. And maybe some of you can relate. Maybe I'm posting this for myself, or maybe I'm feeling like I only have people in this group that somewhat understands how i feel.

Sam, please don't take this as something negative, but when you wrote "You have a whole forum full of sisters." I kind of got scared. Like, I have been thinking about that line ever since. I don't consider myself a girl, nor do I feel like i really "belong" here. I read everything you all post and I have been able to see your individual personalities. I see that most of you actually have a female persona, I don't. I see myself as a male, feel like I'm a male and I don't know.. I guess that's just not me. If that makes sense. I hope I don't offend by saying that. I don't know where I'm going with this.. I know there are different levels of GD, I still don't know where I fall in that.. Maybe the black and white I thought i believed is more gray than I could've imagined.

Switching gears, I used to sneak and dress up when my wife would leave for the store or whenever she was out of the house, and I'd always focus on creating cleavage. Whatever I threw on didn't matter as long as I could simulate natural cleavage. By the way, I'm just realizing this now, as I type.. I spend a ton of time developing different devices to push my skin into certain positions and I got very good at it. But as I have mentioned in the past, I didn't start on PM because I wanted breasts. I wanted to control my anger issues and I associated my anger with high levels of testosterone. So, when I started reading here that some of you had a calming effect, it seemed that I was on the right path. So, looking back I'm wondering if I was only wanting to take this for the mental effects or did my horniness have other ideas? I honestly don't remember. Maybe I'll go back and read my first month.

Something I'm dealing with right now that is confusing is that for the last week I've been feeling an immensely increasing urge to dress up, I've been getting the morning jingles and tingles and the thought of masturbation has come back. I've been on a regular regimen and haven't missed hardly any, none in the last two weeks. I can feel myself on edge and ready to snap, and feelings of anger and holding grudges has returned. I hate feeling this way, and it had all gone away for the last few months. Maybe my body has gotten used to the PM and SP.. I don't know. My chest hasn't hurt for a month and a half or more and I can't hardly feel any buds anymore, unless I press hard i just feel fatty tissue.

I was in target today with my wife. I wanted so badly to go to the women's section and buy something, but felt uneasy about it and not an aisle seat, I turned and went to checkout without a word to my wife. Standing in checkout, I was made at her for not picking up on my non hints. I have also noticed that.. I've always been a VERY direct person. Not known to beat around the bush. But I've been doing these ridiculous "hints" to my wife. And getting upset when she wouldn't pick up on them saying she doesn't care about me.. Freaking odd..
Anyway, if any of this made sense, feel free to chime in. Thank you again to both Clara and Sam. You've helped me more than you know.