01-04-2014, 05:39 AM
Yes, Sammie, that is a good way of describing the goal that we all seek. I sense that there are members of this board that have achieved that end. I also sense that these same people have been pursuing that goal for a fair amount of time already. Those of us who have only recently discovered our transgender natures are still dealing with the waves that were produced from that cataclysmic event.
For months now, my two gender identities have been competing with each other. Each trying to subvert and subdue the other. It's emotionally unsettling for me not to be able to trust my own feelings about my gender identity. This mistrust is the source of ongoing anxiety and my having recurring second thoughts about what is right for me.
But this week has given me new hope. While still in guy mode, along with rising T levels as I continue on a month long break from NBE herbs, I've been able to visualize my feminine identity as something to be respected -- even welcomed. I've only now realized that the most important person from whom I need to gain acceptance of my transgender nature is myself. Only by learning to unwind decades of conditioning that encouraged me to favor my male self image and gender role while suppressing my feminine side, will I be able to merge both my masculine and feminine identities into a single stable personality that will lead to a state of mental and emotional well-being.
So that is the task before me. Wish me luck as I do the same for all of you who struggle with the same issues. The solution will be different for each of us, but the shared goal is, as Sammie so eloquently stated: to arrive at that place "where [we are] comfortable, finally, and able to feel whole and authentic".
Clara
For months now, my two gender identities have been competing with each other. Each trying to subvert and subdue the other. It's emotionally unsettling for me not to be able to trust my own feelings about my gender identity. This mistrust is the source of ongoing anxiety and my having recurring second thoughts about what is right for me.
But this week has given me new hope. While still in guy mode, along with rising T levels as I continue on a month long break from NBE herbs, I've been able to visualize my feminine identity as something to be respected -- even welcomed. I've only now realized that the most important person from whom I need to gain acceptance of my transgender nature is myself. Only by learning to unwind decades of conditioning that encouraged me to favor my male self image and gender role while suppressing my feminine side, will I be able to merge both my masculine and feminine identities into a single stable personality that will lead to a state of mental and emotional well-being.
So that is the task before me. Wish me luck as I do the same for all of you who struggle with the same issues. The solution will be different for each of us, but the shared goal is, as Sammie so eloquently stated: to arrive at that place "where [we are] comfortable, finally, and able to feel whole and authentic".
Clara