28-05-2014, 05:47 PM
So, I am sitting in my car in the rain, having escaped my office for a few moments at lunchtime, and feeling a little blue and thoughtful. Admittedly, I understand my recent emotional moodiness is somewhat caused by hormonal changes, but other issues are at play as well.
But I was thinking about identity.
I am an actor, after all, so this figures in my thinking a lot. Lol
Back in drama school we had a speech instructor who was charged with teaching us how to strip our speech of regional accent and then to learn how to adopt various accents and patterns to suit various characters. He always began with a talk designed to prepare new students for who at was to come. It essentially said be not offended at being told your lifelong habits of speech are wrong. It is not personal but it is difficult to hear criticism of speech because our voice is so directly associated with our self image and basic identity. Hearing it dissected clinically "feels" like an attack on who we are.
My thinking today, remembering those days was this....if simply changing how we speak can so profoundly affect our emotions and perception of identity, then how much more powerful is changing a lifetime of built up perceptions, habits and images revolving around the far deeper issues of gender, whether internally or physically. I realize for some there is only a correction of the external to match what the internal has always been, but for some of us the lines, while just as distressing, have not been so clear, and the necessary corrections are more subtle. Things are often shades of gray rather than black and white. I wonder which is truly more difficult?
Not looking for advice or fixes, just conjecturing.
This is a very complex business, made more so by a lifetime of experience and accumulated responsibilities, and that without even adding in the external affects of societal attitudes. I find it no wonder at all that so many give up entirely.
Sorry if this is a downer. Like I said, just a little blue ...and the hormones and the rain...you know?
But I was thinking about identity.
I am an actor, after all, so this figures in my thinking a lot. Lol
Back in drama school we had a speech instructor who was charged with teaching us how to strip our speech of regional accent and then to learn how to adopt various accents and patterns to suit various characters. He always began with a talk designed to prepare new students for who at was to come. It essentially said be not offended at being told your lifelong habits of speech are wrong. It is not personal but it is difficult to hear criticism of speech because our voice is so directly associated with our self image and basic identity. Hearing it dissected clinically "feels" like an attack on who we are.
My thinking today, remembering those days was this....if simply changing how we speak can so profoundly affect our emotions and perception of identity, then how much more powerful is changing a lifetime of built up perceptions, habits and images revolving around the far deeper issues of gender, whether internally or physically. I realize for some there is only a correction of the external to match what the internal has always been, but for some of us the lines, while just as distressing, have not been so clear, and the necessary corrections are more subtle. Things are often shades of gray rather than black and white. I wonder which is truly more difficult?
Not looking for advice or fixes, just conjecturing.
This is a very complex business, made more so by a lifetime of experience and accumulated responsibilities, and that without even adding in the external affects of societal attitudes. I find it no wonder at all that so many give up entirely.
Sorry if this is a downer. Like I said, just a little blue ...and the hormones and the rain...you know?