09-06-2014, 01:12 PM
Annie, I'm glad to hear that you and J are communicating at this critical crossroad in your life (no pun intended). I was never big into crossdressing either until I discovered my TG condition. At first, I couldn't imagine dressing up and going out of the house. I felt I would meet with ridicule and rejection. Years of watching TV and movies which depict males dressed en femme as foolish clowns has conditioned many to react negatively to crossdressing. Neither my wife nor I believed that I could ever be mistaken for or pass as a woman. But, that's proved to be wrong -- until I open my mouth to speak, that is...LOL. As one grows older, even that gets easier.
My guess is that J will eventually overcome her conditioned repugnance to crossdressing. A strong marriage that has lasted for so long is not going to be derailed by something so arbitrary as how a husband wants to dress. But maybe we overestimate the strength of our marriages?
My personal approach is to never take for granted my wife's willingness to go along with my CD/TG inclinations. Her needs have to be met as well as my own if our life together is going to persist. Self-centered behavior and attitudes are the biggest threats to any relationship, but seem to be particularly common among TG/TS individuals.
One thing for wives to understand is that when a trans undergoes HRT, the first couple years are essentially like going through puberty as a teen aged girl. That can be a hard time emotionally for both partners. It's important to understand that when that period is behind us, there will follow a more mature attitude toward one's gender identity. Sometimes it's getting past those first few years that is the most difficult in a relationship. Unfortunately, there are no set patterns, so everyone has to craft his/her own approach to solving their unique issues.
Hugs,
Clara
My guess is that J will eventually overcome her conditioned repugnance to crossdressing. A strong marriage that has lasted for so long is not going to be derailed by something so arbitrary as how a husband wants to dress. But maybe we overestimate the strength of our marriages?
My personal approach is to never take for granted my wife's willingness to go along with my CD/TG inclinations. Her needs have to be met as well as my own if our life together is going to persist. Self-centered behavior and attitudes are the biggest threats to any relationship, but seem to be particularly common among TG/TS individuals.
One thing for wives to understand is that when a trans undergoes HRT, the first couple years are essentially like going through puberty as a teen aged girl. That can be a hard time emotionally for both partners. It's important to understand that when that period is behind us, there will follow a more mature attitude toward one's gender identity. Sometimes it's getting past those first few years that is the most difficult in a relationship. Unfortunately, there are no set patterns, so everyone has to craft his/her own approach to solving their unique issues.
Hugs,
Clara