20-06-2014, 03:23 PM
This always makes me nervous when this topic comes up. I just cringe when I hear someone "had the talk" with their wife. I'm glad you've done it Janet and I'm confident it's the right thing to do but I'm worried for you because it's so unpredictable how it will turn out. I think a lot depends on how strong your relationship wass before you dropped the bomb. No doubt this will shake the foundation but I hope and pray that you'll come through this stronger and more intimate than before. I can say for myself, that full disclosure has brought my marriage to a deeper level of intimacy and although I had a hunch that would happen, it was scary as hell for a while after and I WASN'T sure it would turn out this way. Thank God it did! It doesn't make the GD much easier but at least I don't have the burden and guilt of keeping a secret from my most precious friend.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be reassuring her that being transgender doesn't necessarily mean you are transitioning. I know it's a fine line and some here will disagree saying that what we are doing (NBE) IS transition but even if they're right, the degree to which you choose to transition is undefined at the moment. The popular misconception of a MtF transgender is a bearded, non passing dude with a deep voice who snaps at people who use the wrong pronouns. That would be embarrassing for any wife. Maybe you will, maybe you wont but reassure her there is time to discern the future and nothing is going to happen too fast for her. My wife is concerned about how far I'll go too but a "happy place" is starting to come into focus for us. One thing I decided to do for the sake of our relationship is to let her set the pace. I came to the conclusion that I would let my wife be in control of "my transition", if she's not comfortable with it, it ain't gonna happen. She's OK with NBE & HRT for my mental well being for which I'm very thankful but pierced ears, clothing and ultimately SRS are at her discretion. As long as I can pass as the male in our relationship I know we'll stay together. It's pretty unconventional in our binary world of male or female, stay as you are or transition 100% but I think it can work. It's one of my biggest reasons for talking to a psychiatrist. Hopefully he can help us navigate our way to a win win compromise like I've described. I've never heard of this the type of scenario anywhere but maybe I can be a pioneer and create a new model for transgender marriages. Maybe you can join us. On the other hand, maybe I'm way off and haven't got a clue how it is for you and your wife (probably the case) but I just want to encourage you and let you know that I'm pulling for you (as is everyone here I'm sure). Hang in there.
If I were in your shoes, I'd be reassuring her that being transgender doesn't necessarily mean you are transitioning. I know it's a fine line and some here will disagree saying that what we are doing (NBE) IS transition but even if they're right, the degree to which you choose to transition is undefined at the moment. The popular misconception of a MtF transgender is a bearded, non passing dude with a deep voice who snaps at people who use the wrong pronouns. That would be embarrassing for any wife. Maybe you will, maybe you wont but reassure her there is time to discern the future and nothing is going to happen too fast for her. My wife is concerned about how far I'll go too but a "happy place" is starting to come into focus for us. One thing I decided to do for the sake of our relationship is to let her set the pace. I came to the conclusion that I would let my wife be in control of "my transition", if she's not comfortable with it, it ain't gonna happen. She's OK with NBE & HRT for my mental well being for which I'm very thankful but pierced ears, clothing and ultimately SRS are at her discretion. As long as I can pass as the male in our relationship I know we'll stay together. It's pretty unconventional in our binary world of male or female, stay as you are or transition 100% but I think it can work. It's one of my biggest reasons for talking to a psychiatrist. Hopefully he can help us navigate our way to a win win compromise like I've described. I've never heard of this the type of scenario anywhere but maybe I can be a pioneer and create a new model for transgender marriages. Maybe you can join us. On the other hand, maybe I'm way off and haven't got a clue how it is for you and your wife (probably the case) but I just want to encourage you and let you know that I'm pulling for you (as is everyone here I'm sure). Hang in there.