08-07-2014, 12:55 AM
You are all such strong inspiring people. I nvr frel alone wen im reading things on this site.
My story:
For as far back as I can remember ive hated wat it meant to be a boy. I hated standing up to pee, not being allowed to look pretty or express my feelings. To this day I hate having a penis. The only time I felt like me was when me and my mother would watch grease. I was free to indulge in musicals with my mother cus she had no girls and loved the company.
When I was 8 I started spending time at my grandma's house and hanging out with my uncle. Ive always had a bit of junk in the trunk evn at tht age. My uncle's friends (16 at the time) were talking about this girl who lived up the street and all the things they wanted to do to her. One day I was playing on the floor and one of them took a liking to my butt and had a talk with my uncle and the rest of his friends. The very next time my grandma went to work his friends invited me to play hide and seek. I was then taken to a closet by two of them and "played with". Im ashamed to say it but I liked it, I liked it alot. They were twice my age. Later I found out my uncle traded basketball cards in exchange for some alone time with me. The boys called me by the girl down the streets name. They began talking to me like and treating me like a girl. Not just any girl either a girl the liked a lot a sexy girl. For 2 summers this went on and I was eventually phased out for real girls.
Years later I would watch lesbian porn imagining I was one of the girls. I became aroused and moaning was instinctual for me. I nvr had interest in hetero porn.
Years later I had my first experience with a girl and beyond oral sex I had no idea wat to do. I was 13 and 3 yrs her junior. She was very weirded out by my moaning and by the next morning the whole school knew. To put it in perspective there was lots of ooos and ohs and uhs and thry all came from me. From then on I started denying my femininity.
Years later I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder. I couldn't tell anyone tht the voice I heard was a woman berating me for living my life as a lie. She loarhed me for shutting her up, keeping her hidden. My depression got so bad I ended up locked away for a few months in a psych facility. After being released I was to heavily medicate myself in order to "function" . The girls voice became louder and louder until I finally bought myself a pair of panties.
I cry every day when I look in the mirror. I cry in the shower when I have to wash my body. When I have to touch...."it". My depression gets worse every day. Some days im so suicidal I just want to kill myself in the hopes of being reincarnated as a girl. Sometimes I twist "it" so hard it turns black and blue or bleeds. I used to burn it by heating a spoon on the stove and pressing it to the skin. I can only receive pleasure from sex from imagining im the woman or being degraded and treated like a slave, being dominated.
Fast forward to now. Ive had 3 stints in the psych, im a father of 2, I went off my meds cus they interfered with my ability to parent (per doctors orders), my fiancee knows about "kayley", my mom knows and so do some friends, ive got a bag of girl clothes and makeup I wear after the kids are asleep and ive gotten my eyebrows threaded. Im making preparations to start transitioning into a woman. Ive started a diet and nxt month ill buy the supplements I need. I have some boobs and butt and curves from fat but I so desperately need to be a girl. It's all I think about. Its become an obsession and why not? Its as if im a princess cursed at birth by an evil sorceress doomed forever to be made to believe everything I am and everything I want to be is wrong. Well I don't want to be what society sees as "right" anymore. Im tired of being jealous of my fiancee's tits wishing she could fuck me for a change. If I cant stand being a man. I hate myself so much. If I don't change soon ill most likely die.
Thanks for listening.
Besitos
- kayley
My story:
For as far back as I can remember ive hated wat it meant to be a boy. I hated standing up to pee, not being allowed to look pretty or express my feelings. To this day I hate having a penis. The only time I felt like me was when me and my mother would watch grease. I was free to indulge in musicals with my mother cus she had no girls and loved the company.
When I was 8 I started spending time at my grandma's house and hanging out with my uncle. Ive always had a bit of junk in the trunk evn at tht age. My uncle's friends (16 at the time) were talking about this girl who lived up the street and all the things they wanted to do to her. One day I was playing on the floor and one of them took a liking to my butt and had a talk with my uncle and the rest of his friends. The very next time my grandma went to work his friends invited me to play hide and seek. I was then taken to a closet by two of them and "played with". Im ashamed to say it but I liked it, I liked it alot. They were twice my age. Later I found out my uncle traded basketball cards in exchange for some alone time with me. The boys called me by the girl down the streets name. They began talking to me like and treating me like a girl. Not just any girl either a girl the liked a lot a sexy girl. For 2 summers this went on and I was eventually phased out for real girls.
Years later I would watch lesbian porn imagining I was one of the girls. I became aroused and moaning was instinctual for me. I nvr had interest in hetero porn.
Years later I had my first experience with a girl and beyond oral sex I had no idea wat to do. I was 13 and 3 yrs her junior. She was very weirded out by my moaning and by the next morning the whole school knew. To put it in perspective there was lots of ooos and ohs and uhs and thry all came from me. From then on I started denying my femininity.
Years later I was diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder. I couldn't tell anyone tht the voice I heard was a woman berating me for living my life as a lie. She loarhed me for shutting her up, keeping her hidden. My depression got so bad I ended up locked away for a few months in a psych facility. After being released I was to heavily medicate myself in order to "function" . The girls voice became louder and louder until I finally bought myself a pair of panties.
I cry every day when I look in the mirror. I cry in the shower when I have to wash my body. When I have to touch...."it". My depression gets worse every day. Some days im so suicidal I just want to kill myself in the hopes of being reincarnated as a girl. Sometimes I twist "it" so hard it turns black and blue or bleeds. I used to burn it by heating a spoon on the stove and pressing it to the skin. I can only receive pleasure from sex from imagining im the woman or being degraded and treated like a slave, being dominated.
Fast forward to now. Ive had 3 stints in the psych, im a father of 2, I went off my meds cus they interfered with my ability to parent (per doctors orders), my fiancee knows about "kayley", my mom knows and so do some friends, ive got a bag of girl clothes and makeup I wear after the kids are asleep and ive gotten my eyebrows threaded. Im making preparations to start transitioning into a woman. Ive started a diet and nxt month ill buy the supplements I need. I have some boobs and butt and curves from fat but I so desperately need to be a girl. It's all I think about. Its become an obsession and why not? Its as if im a princess cursed at birth by an evil sorceress doomed forever to be made to believe everything I am and everything I want to be is wrong. Well I don't want to be what society sees as "right" anymore. Im tired of being jealous of my fiancee's tits wishing she could fuck me for a change. If I cant stand being a man. I hate myself so much. If I don't change soon ill most likely die.
Thanks for listening.
Besitos
- kayley