Kari, Personally I have no experience in marriage so on that I cant really give advice, but I will say this, if it wasn't intentional on your wife's part, then it is not her fault.
My life is in a similar situation (minus the wife & kids & having been outed) to yours, so I understand the potential issues that relatives who are not receptive to or even willing to try to understand issues like ours can cause, and the terror of the idea of them finding out and possibly causing a mess (severe understatement) over it.
about the only advice I can give right now is talk to the relative(s) who found out and ask that they please not tell anyone else.
If you need someone to talk with & take some of the obviously gargantuan load off of you, you know how/where to contact me, If I can help in any way, I will.
My life is in a similar situation (minus the wife & kids & having been outed) to yours, so I understand the potential issues that relatives who are not receptive to or even willing to try to understand issues like ours can cause, and the terror of the idea of them finding out and possibly causing a mess (severe understatement) over it.
about the only advice I can give right now is talk to the relative(s) who found out and ask that they please not tell anyone else.
If you need someone to talk with & take some of the obviously gargantuan load off of you, you know how/where to contact me, If I can help in any way, I will.