[AnnieBL]

Annie,

I, too, believe that one's marriage needs daily attention to ensure its continuation and provide for the well-being of each partner. But, OMG, I'm perplexed. I read your post over several times and cannot understand what you mean by:

"you may have stolen my marriage)."

I certainly hope not. Please explain.

Clara

Just to avoid any possible misunderstanding before I start, it was my DW, O&O, or whatever inadequate identifier one needs to use (so I sometimes fall back on 'J' which is less impersonal), that made the comment, and left me puzzling it out. We've had some more (amicable) discussion since, and while I may not yet have fully appreciated her point of view, here is my take. Firstly, my disclosure makes it impossible for her any longer to regard what we have as a conventional text book marriage. Secondly, although she fully believes in the reality of my gender problems, she has now some degree of mistrust as to the motivation of some of my behaviour towards her, which she suspects might not be quite as altruistic as she had previously thought, thus weakening the integrity of the avowed marriage contract. This I think can be interpreted as being allied to her suspicion of possible manipulation, which has also been an issue between us. She does admit that human relations are impossible without some degree of mutual manipulation, but I think that she sees the introduction of gender identity issues into our relationship as being in itself unacceptably manipulative, and in effect hijacking her position within the marriage contract. This is very much in accord with what I have read of the feelings of some other wives. While the husband may have gained some relief from his problems, she has been locked in with them, and the balance of the marriage contract has been changed to her disadvantage.

Not very lucid, I fear, but the best I can do off the cuff.