02-10-2014, 03:31 PM
Ah, so you're in the gender identity camp then. Well my friend, that kinda sucks but I know exactly what you're feeling. First off, repression has never worked for anyone I've known here or in my local support group. I don't think you'll be happy until you embrace the feminine characteristics of your personality. It doesn't mean that you have to transition, just appreciate what you've been trying to hide all your life. Secondly, you're not damaged, screwed up, perverted or otherwise defective just because you have some feminine aspects of your personality. You're a unique mix of male and female that should be embraced not altered. Some of us do things throughout our lives to "cover" the parts of our personality society has told us don't belong. We might get married and have kids hoping that the GI issues will go away. We might join the military because that's what gruff, manly men do! We force change parts of our personality to match the gender we "are" according to the anatomy we were given AND we do it in such subtle ways, WE don't even realize we're doing it ourselves!
I'm going to go out on a limb here with these next few suggestions in hopes of throwing some light on something you haven't thought about.
Normally I wouldn't bring this up because it's kind of taboo so just disregard if they don't fit OK? Have you been accused of being short tempered or do you feel angry much of the time and don't know why? If so, I'd assert that it has somthing to do with your internal gender incongruities. That could have led to broken personal relationships which in turn leads to depression or at least general unhappiness in life. (I'm out on a limb with that one). How about "sexual" issues? Pornography, masturbation, infidelity etc.? I'm not sure how those fit into GI but there seems to be a connection. For me, it was a sex drive that was over the top and out of control. I was like a rocket without any fins flying out of control and it led to crazy amounts of guilt, shame and depression on account of the things I did. I give the herbs and anti-androgen's credit for bringing that drive under MY control. I make sexual decisions with my heart now instead of below the waist.
As for the sadness from realizing the dream and reality are far apart? Yeah, it's a bummer. I'm 44 and most of the things I really wanted to experience as a female are hopelessly behind my age. I'll never get to be a pretty little girl, asked to prom or courted. I'll never get to be a bride, a wife or be pregnant. It's just the facts of life. Some things we can change, others we can't but ya gotta make the most of whatever is left. ...If there's one universal thing I've learned from all my TG friends, it's that we all have something enviable about our situations. For some, they are very young and can transition before testosterone ravages their body. Some are blessed with a opposite gender physique and features and passing is easy. For me, I'm OK saying goodbye to my genitalia - it served it's purpose and now I'm done with it. For you, one thing I see is your isolation. I know it's not fun to be alone but if you need to make "changes" you can do so in private with only your daughter to deal with. I'm firmly embedded in two very tight, very conservative families that would have a cow (a whole herd actually) if I announced I was going to become a woman! It's funny to just imagine the "shock and seizures" that would ensue with my hypothetical announcement.
Hang in there Wantingmore and keep writing out your thoughts and questions - it's very therapeutic. This is the next best thing to group therapy.
I'm going to go out on a limb here with these next few suggestions in hopes of throwing some light on something you haven't thought about.
Normally I wouldn't bring this up because it's kind of taboo so just disregard if they don't fit OK? Have you been accused of being short tempered or do you feel angry much of the time and don't know why? If so, I'd assert that it has somthing to do with your internal gender incongruities. That could have led to broken personal relationships which in turn leads to depression or at least general unhappiness in life. (I'm out on a limb with that one). How about "sexual" issues? Pornography, masturbation, infidelity etc.? I'm not sure how those fit into GI but there seems to be a connection. For me, it was a sex drive that was over the top and out of control. I was like a rocket without any fins flying out of control and it led to crazy amounts of guilt, shame and depression on account of the things I did. I give the herbs and anti-androgen's credit for bringing that drive under MY control. I make sexual decisions with my heart now instead of below the waist.
As for the sadness from realizing the dream and reality are far apart? Yeah, it's a bummer. I'm 44 and most of the things I really wanted to experience as a female are hopelessly behind my age. I'll never get to be a pretty little girl, asked to prom or courted. I'll never get to be a bride, a wife or be pregnant. It's just the facts of life. Some things we can change, others we can't but ya gotta make the most of whatever is left. ...If there's one universal thing I've learned from all my TG friends, it's that we all have something enviable about our situations. For some, they are very young and can transition before testosterone ravages their body. Some are blessed with a opposite gender physique and features and passing is easy. For me, I'm OK saying goodbye to my genitalia - it served it's purpose and now I'm done with it. For you, one thing I see is your isolation. I know it's not fun to be alone but if you need to make "changes" you can do so in private with only your daughter to deal with. I'm firmly embedded in two very tight, very conservative families that would have a cow (a whole herd actually) if I announced I was going to become a woman! It's funny to just imagine the "shock and seizures" that would ensue with my hypothetical announcement.
Hang in there Wantingmore and keep writing out your thoughts and questions - it's very therapeutic. This is the next best thing to group therapy.