[Carys]

What you've described sounds like something I dealt with a long time ago and I'll tell you how I did so. Most all people carry within them some degree of duality of personality, if not with regard to gender, in some other way. It's not something that can be removed and it's psychologically harmful to try and ignore it. The way to manage it is for both sides of yourself to find a way to accommodate the other. Eventually this actually diminishes the duality and makes you more cohesive. I've done this and it's worked very well for me. I realize that there are times when I feel being more masculine and times when I feel like being more feminine. Mr. masculinity has to put up with certain aspects for Ms. femininity and vise versa.

For instance, I don't always present as feminine, but my feminine self desires long feminine hair, so Mr. Macho finds a way to tolerate it (usually ponytail and and baseball cap). Ms. feminine accepts the intermittent need to be masculine as well as can be done.

Try to establish an internal dialog between your masculine and your feminine sides. Writing things out on paper can help with this. Try a two column list.

That is really something I will have to try. I am starting to become more comfortable with myself, and the idea that I can try to live with this duality. I don't think I would go so far as to have full SRS like I had intended before, but I do think I would like to be able to find a balance where I can accommodate both sides, and be able to live as one or the other as I please.

Very inspirational for a first post. Welcome to the boards!