[b.rose]

I had a personal earth quake recently.
....
What began to sink in this week is that I just can't do the compromise - it's too painful and I need to go all the way. The thought of it makes my heart leap for joy.

I remember experiencing something similar when I realised that I could no longer go on lying to myself and everyone around me. I never thought of it that way until the walls came crashing down but that is what I was doing.

I will not lie to you. Being true to myself and being openly female has made me more content than I have ever been in my life, but there are still dark days. My emotions are so much more intense and I am still coming to terms with learning to deal with them. Would I go back? No. Never.

If this is the road that you MUST walk then do so. It will have its bad moments but the simple act of being your true self will make you shine. Those that were reluctant to see you transition may well come to realise that a much nicer person was being suppressed and she is now visible. I have been surprised by the number of people who have told me that they do not want me to detransition, that they like me better. I am not alone in this. I know other transitioners who have experienced it.

Being true to yourself is a tremendously powerful thing and it shows. Others can see it and they like it. Remember Oscar Wilde's advice "Be yourself - everyone else is already taken"

And here's the kicker, I also began to believe that I could pass.

80% of passing is in YOUR head. Believe in yourself and others will believe in you. I am still astounded by how much I pass and even in very personal female spaces I am unchallenged and accepted. Why? Because I know I am finally becoming my true self.

Kari Leigh - do what feels right. Do it slowly and take time to get used to it. Let others assimilate each stage before progressing a little further. Gradually it will become the new normal for you and everyone around you and in a few years time you will wonder what all the fuss was about. Although everything will have changed it will seem like very little has changed.

What really changes is how you feel about yourself. It is a prize worth having and I hope you feel able to move forward and grasp it.