19-01-2015, 02:29 PM
(19-01-2015, 01:42 PM)kari leigh Wrote: I started here 2 years ago with what I now call the "great compromise". I was trying to be as feminine as I could (growing breasts & mental effect) but came to the long resisted conclusion that I couldn't pull that off and transition might be the only way for me to find peace and happiness.
Been there, done that.....
(19-01-2015, 01:42 PM)kari leigh Wrote: ... how fragile my identity is right now as I say goodbye to the facade I created over 44 years while trying to embrace my true identity as female? It's all I've been thinking and crying about for days now.
(((hugs)))
Shedding your former life is a very emotional thing to do and is beyond the capability of most people. To reject a firmly established identity and then to publicly construct a new one takes a lot of time and energy and the accompanying discussions (or arguments) can be very draining. Where you are now is not unusual and how you feel is not unusual either. This is one of those "it gets worse before it gets better" things but it does get better.
(19-01-2015, 01:42 PM)kari leigh Wrote: Pursuing transition is a very different endeavor than NBE even though we may have common beginnings.
This is definitely true. I no longer worry about my boobs showing through my clothes or getting erectile dysfunction or people noticing that I look different or my wife or family finding out. My inner identity is now firmly established as my outer identity and my big worries are the sorts of things any woman worries about - do I need my hair cut? Does this blouse show my boobs well enough? What should I get for dinner tonight? Will there be enough after Xmas to pay the bills? Mundane, simple, everyday stuff.