[Sofia Bunny]

Thank you all for your responses, I appreciate it very much!

First of all I did read your post. All I can say is that I don't think you need to fit in a society that is so judgmental, I am not, and I don't want them to know what I am doing, because they do not have the faculty to understand me, and they are not interested in Truth any way. So, I follow my bliss and find the beauty within, at the ends that's all that matters-inside feeling. Blessings on you, POM

Yes POM, you are right, I don't NEED to fit in. It truly is not a necessity. It is just the desire to fit in with those around me. I suppose to be accepted no matter what differences in thoughts and opinions. Perhaps that's asking for too much.

Hi Fire and Ice,

Thank you for posting. I'm sure there are quite a few of us that can appreciate where you're coming from. Not quite connecting to those around us, not being understood fully even by those that are "closest" to us, wanting to be accepted by the circle but at the same time not wanting to be part of it. Floating on the outside like a silent satellite in an all too distant orbit.

We withdraw deep within ourselves -- it's safer that way -- less painful for us, and more comfortable for others. Protected deep in our shell that, ironically, makes us a shell. Our castle doubles as a prison. Of course, it's natural that a part of us wants to tempt fate and reach beyond the gate, to feel a connection.

But they will never understand. We are islands unto ourselves, separate and out of reach from the mainland. Surrounded by a sea of judgements, superstitions, and labels. Labels from others and from ourselves. If we look deep within and drain away and dispel the labels, judgements, and superstitions...we discover that we are not islands but mountains.

And no matter how distant our orbit, we are all connected at the click of a button.

I'm sure I'm not the only one here who will say that, if you need to reach out and share things that are weighing upon your mind -- whether in forum or in private message -- please feel free to do so. Even if it's only a matter of getting your thoughts out and sorting them on paper (so to speak).

Here, you are accepted and supported for who you are, what you are, as you are.

I hope some of this makes sense and helps. Sometimes when I feel the chill of isolation, I also like to listen to a couple songs *breaks into a musical song and dance routine*! Sorry, couldn't resist. But seriously, the lyrics in the linked songs help a bit.

Take care and smile often. You can't always change what people say and do, only change how it affects you.

Lisa Lougheed -- Run With Us

KISS -- Crazy, Crazy Nights

You paint a very vivid picture Lananonymous. I think posting on here did actually help out quite a bit. At least it's somewhat comforting knowing I am not really alone. On a more positive note, yesterday while I was working I had my headphones on and listened to song after song. I forgot how soothing that can be. I can't remember why I had stopped doing that. Thank you very much for your thoughts and insights.

If you could see yourself with the eyes of others... you would discover that you don't have a (singular) "true self" at all. You are a different person to every single person you know.

To each one you know, you are a sum of the experiences they've had with you, and the conversations they have with other people about you, plus the filled-in gaps. You are a bit player in the movies that are their lives.

It's funny... everyone thinks he's an island.

You bring up an interesting point which does add to the complexity of it all. For each person I encounter their experience with me is based upon what I let them see. What I let them see is what I think they want to see. So that truly does lead to many me's, with the possibility that none are really me. You can't hurt what you don't really know. Even back in school days I always shifted my personality based on those around me. Why? So I could fit in and be accepted. I don't know why I feel that it is so important to fit in and be liked. So it does look like I am in the situation that I am in because of my own doing.

Only the people who like you and want to keep you as a friend. If you don't have any of those, get some.

I don't have really good experiences with friends. Those that I thought were friends usually only were my friends when there was something I could do for them. Others that I thought were really good friends seem to have vanished. Those were people that knew me very very well. Knew how to read me, and understood me very well, and vice versa. I don't know what I did, what I didn't do, did I open up too much, did they out grow me, what? I don't know, and never did get back an answer. This does not provide much incentive for opening up. So I struggle in doing so. While I haven't given up yet, it is unfortunately for me a painful process due to personal experiences. So finding a good friend is hard to find, and much easier said than done.

I know from my personal life.
I tend to be different with different people, I show what person I am to that person.

Yes Man2breasts, I guess I have somewhat done the same. I suppose I just need to stop trying so hard to fit in and let the chips land where they land. Ha ha, easier said than done.