08-02-2015, 03:40 AM
I'm reading it as a sort of slow thrash metal song. In that case, it just needs a chorus. Even one of the verses here that you feel is the strongest in the piece could serve as one. Something that (in the form of a song) could be repeated a few times, like, after every three verses and a few times at the end. It'd be between 50 and 65 bpm. Minor key, of course.