[GoneGirl]

Hardly, actually the insult came from you, and at the expense of your friend. By any standard making disparaging remarks over ones looks is an insult. Had the remarks over someone's looks been made by anyone else?......I'd still make my objection.

Btw, I believe my last comment towards you praised your courage. Voicing objection doesn't represent ill will, I thought we've moved past all that.

Thank you for the praise, Lotus.

I want to make sure that the intent and meaning of my post is not lost here. There was no insult. If my words are interpreted in the context of the entire post it's clear that my assessment of her appearance was important to the point I was trying to make about self-acceptance. I could have made a similar statement about any number of MTF transsexuals, including myself. It's nearly impossible to undo the ravages of male puberty and aging. I was actually paying my friend a heartfelt complement for her success in dealing with this reality.

I have a friend (maybe 'acquaintance' is a better description), a retired police officer, who after retirement feminized her body top to bottom. She passes for a woman in most situations, but I wouldn't say that she's good looking by today's standards given the masculine secondary sex characteristics that remain. She refuses to characterize her gender identity as either male or female, insisting that she identifies simply "as myself". Yes, legally she's classified as female, and she accepts that over the alternative, but it's not important to her to conform to society's concept of what being female is about. I think she has a very healthy attitude about her gender, and has adapted well to the life changes that transition required. I've fallen back on her example several times in dealing with my own inability to emulate my ideal woman image which I know I can never achieve for the same reasons that Bryony expressed.

Time and time again I find evidence that the happiest among us are those that find a way to be true to ourselves, however that is accomplished. It's different for each person, and it's by no means easy, but if you can arrive at that state of mind at some point in your life, it really doesn't get any better than that.

Clara

The point is, most of us late transitioners struggle with the mismatch between our gender identity and our physical bodies. As much as we try to bring the two into alignment, there are things that just can't be corrected. Does that mean that those of us who will never fully pass as women can't find happiness living in our true gender? Hopefully not. We do the best we can with the physical bodies we have, given the available resources, and then work on the remaining psychological issues as best we can.

Clara