[bryony]

Well I'll concede the marriage angle to those with experience, I agree with you mostly there... Ive never been married or had kids because..... I was never comfortable being male even when I really tried, and I did try hard to make a go at it....

I consider it a blessing that my efforts failed, I cant imagine how much harder this would be with a wife and kids

I would not be surprised if it were the ill-judged decision of some sufferers who loved their families more than they realised that leads to most of the suicides.

I think you are right about the blessing, Eva.

I never got how people could function in a relationship while playing a gender role which repulsed them.

Then again, I never got how someone could succeed financially while playing the role of a guy when it's foreign to them! I just stayed fucked up outta my mind and wasn't productive at all!

Eh. Everyone's different, for sure.

Unfortunately (for the wives), the whole gender brain thing is a continuum, Sarah.

Evolution is a harsh mistress. I don't pretend to understand the biochemistry, but the theory as I understand it is that a male foetus causes the mother to produce androgen (any scientists here please correct me) which causes the brain to develop as a male. There is an hypothesis that transsexualism is caused by the male brain failing to develop within the male foetus and the child grows up thinking to a greater or lesser extent that it is in the wrong body.

I underline the phrase because it seems to me that the brain isn't a binary organ.

What if the mother produces not-quite-enough androgen? Half as much as is needed? A quarter? Who knows how much is needed?

You get little kids who are screaming that they want the penises removed; you get heavily built men with an Alpha-male career, wife and kids who the moment the andropause occurs decides he's been a woman all the time --- kellie-maloney-boxing-transgender; you get people who feel male but fancy other males; you get people who feel male and want to stay male, but like to dress as women.

Then you also get people like me, who know they are male, like females, but can only become sexually gratified (at least in the male way) by the thought of becoming female.

I believe all of these conditions are caused by the same foetal developmental abnormality, but varying only in the degree of restricted exposure to maternal androgen.

My particular problem didn't prevent me carrying on the male role when I was young and virile. It did cause orgasmic incompetence (inability to climax) which was a problem with casual relationships, and only patient love from my wife enabled me to overcome it. It definitely got worse as my natural T levels decreased, which is probably another really good research area. I suspect that's why most transitioners are either young people who fancy men, or middle aged husbands who are on the andropause.

I'm with you on the productivity, Sarah. I became very unproductive due to upfuckedness in the last 10 years before PM.

B.